To think this is going to crash and burn

[duckles]

A younger friend of mine has just split with her boyfriend of 3 years and I've been supporting her through this time, however I'm really concerned for her.

She currently earns about £650/700 a month and has been unable to pay £200 a month towards the rent on the flat she shared with her ex but is now moving into a flat that is £345 a month, with her mum paying the deposit of £445.

She is expecting the council and UC to foot the bill but she's only entitled to around £80 extra a month. That still doesn't make up the difference.

Friend also thinks she won't be liable for council tax as she doesn't earn enough (she will be). She also never paid for electric with her ex so that's another expense she cannot afford.

AIBU to think this is going to go horribly wrong? I've tried to gently give advice to her but she just brushes it off. What else can I do?

Nothing. But you’re right, she can’t afford it.

Is there a reason why she can't earn more? That's not a full-time wage even on minimum wage, surely?

I don’t think there’s anything more you can do other than resist saying ‘I told you so’ when it all goes wrong.

I'm guessing she could just about do it if she's v careful and doesn't have a car to run etc?

She's only 19 and works about 20 hours I think. She can't take more hours because apparently there are none. She both hates and loves her job and hasn't seemed to consider trying to get a different one. I know it's not my responsibility to do anything, but I wish I could help somehow

If she's 19 she will have to work this stuff out for herself. You can always get a different job. I earned more than that waitressing on minimum wage in university holidays.

There is a certain type of person who is so limp and can't seem to see options or possibilities. They don't seem to feel that they have any control or agency. I remember my BIL at 19 saying he couldn't find a job because there "were no jobs" - I made him go into every pub in town asking for bar work and surprise surprise, he got two offers, one told him to go via the central website and he got another one through that. Then just like your friend, he wanted to go travelling and needed more money - he didn't seem to comprehend that he needed to either work more hours, find a new and better paying job, or get more qualified to get a better job. It's not rocket science but it seemed completely beyond him to understand that he had some agency in this world and could actually make things happen!!

I think he needed to grow up a bit and hear it from someone like me who wasn't his parent - every time his parents said the same things I did, he seemed to reject their input out of hand. Then I'd say the exact same thing and he'd go along with me bullying him into trying something. he now has qualifications and is independent

@Xiaoxiong I think part of the problem is her parents seem to be encouraging her on this! I've pointed out things like her UC entitlement and she just glosses over it like 'well yeah' and changes the subject. Up until the other day she thought UC was given by Citizens Advice... her mum did her application for her.

I guess I'm going to keep trying to point out the logistics. She /could/ in theory make it work on a very strict budget but it's sticking to that. I used to live in a £407 a month property as a student with £750 a month, so a similar budget. Should I offer to help her build one?

I don't want to do everything for her like she seems to expect and get from others but I'd feel awful watching her crash and burn when I could have helped

duckles You point out that her parents are supporting her cluelessness... don't step in and add to that support.

At least they are involved, they can pick up the pieces when it does all unravel.

But I suspect she needs room to grow up...

If it were a good friend of mine, i'd draft out a budget sheet for the month for her, to show her in black and white how much she will actually have to bring in, to exists on a really basic level - include travel, and insurances, and phone, and broadband and utilities and council tax and then food, tolietries, cleaning stuff Plus proportions towards annual expenses - TV licence, Christmas/ birthday presents, and 'not exactly essential but not that much of a luxury' things like going out occasionally or maybe a short holiday away somewhere, or haircuts, or makeup if she wears it, replacing clothes occasionally.

Show her how much she'll need to earn to even match the most basic outgoings, and ask her if she is prepared to get a second job to make up the shortfall.

I wouldn’t keep raising it, it’s not your responsibility. She will either find a way to earn more or get into debt.

That sounds like her parents are the problem, actually. By doing everything for her, she probably feels that she has no power to make anything happen and just needs to wait for something to fall into her lap or for someone else to sort it out for her.

I'd try one more time to say that she will need a lot more money to be comfortable every month, and if she wants help with a budget to let you know. And then stand back and let her make her own mistakes. In future, the moment she starts to moan about money, you reiterate your budget offer and then cut her short. And never lend her any money!!