that my mum is driving me mad

[CakeNotBaby]

... ok so we have a long history and so I am probably projecting my anger at her about other things, into this, but she's driving me mad!...

Keeps undermining me to DCs.

I say they can't do something, then she gets all sneaky and plays the fun grandma role, and lets them do it anyway. Also sneaks them chocolate etc... does it in a way that is 'ooh let's not let your mean mummy see what lovely wonderful grandma is doing for you ...' it makes me seem the bad cop, and I hate it.

I'm not having her round again if she keeps doing this as it's driving me nuts!

I'm currently in the kitchen as 'wonderful' grandma sits with them as she seems to think they love her so much. Couldn't sit with them any longer because apparently mummy is not being kind to prevent DS6 from standing on a wheelie bin to climb onto the garage roof to get a frisbee. (this was her idea not his, but now he wants to do it and they r ganging up on me for saying no!)

Am I so bad for trying to prevent my DS ending up in hospital and being driven insane by my mother who is loving making out that I'm the biggest meany and she would let them do whatever they want ...

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ...........

anyone, help! I'm losing the will here .....

Is she at your house? Ask her to leave. If she can’t respect your rules and boundaries then she leaves. Keep doing it until she gets the message. Equally if this undermining takes place at her house, get the children and leave immediately. Don’t give her the chance to continue to flout your rules.

If it continues long term consider how regularly you and the children need to see her - it isn’t helpful for their relationship with either you or her when she does things like this.

tell her to leave ifcshe's encouraging your dc to do dangerous things fgs!

same. My mum is like this with food and my toddler.
Thankfully she lives abroad so doesnt see him that often.. about twice a year for a couple of weeks... but during those weeks he piles on weight and looks really ill because every time my back is turned she is feeding him chocolate and pastries and he wont then actually eat any of his real food.
If I call her up on it she acts really offended and like im being super uptight and mean. She also tuts under her breath if I try and tell him not to do something.

I just deal with it by ignoring her comments and getting on with what I feel is best... I take any crap food off him that I see being given and ignore her protestations.
But ive had to become quite resigned to the fact that she wont change or respect me.
I do love her and I know she really loves my son... she just has a lot of problems with self esteem and anxiety... I try to keep that in mind so I dont take it personally and get angry.

My mum use to do that, comments like silly mummy, stupid mummy what did she do/say that for. I stopped it by saying to her how would she feel if I said oh stupid Granny to the children. she agreed she wouldn't like it but she was only trying to be funny. I didn't find it funny

I knew a dgm who did this, esp re food. She passed away a few yrs ago but dcs are still dealing with weight issues. You need to be v firm.

Well I explained I didn't like it, she got really defensive, told me I'm 'possessive' over my children (well they r my children so I don't really know what she means) and then started telling me off for their behaviour in restaurants (there was one time they were naughty in a restaurant with her. I apologised. We have had meals since and they've been good as gold. Apparantly the last time we went out, when their cousin (age 3) was noisy (not naughty, just loud as kids are), this was my fault because I should have been stricter with my children who were aparantly egging him on (which is rubbish as they were better behaved than cousin. They were all good though)

Grrrrrr.. now I'm left feeling really upset

oh ffs! stop being such a wet lettuce!

Fair enough heebiejeebies! I needed that! (I think there is just a big history and soooo many things I'm angry at her for but can't say because she'd probably kill herself (not exaggeration, she threatens to kill herself every 5 minutes over really minor things) that lots of anger just seeps out as it's hard to contain)