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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That the age of consent should be raised to eighteen

162 replies

SEsofty · 28/05/2018 08:48

Currently the law requires children to be in some form of education until they are eighteen. The law prohibits under eighteens buying alcohol because they are not mature enough to handle it.

And yet at sixteen can legally become a parent. Not developed enough to drink and yet can make the most life changing decision.

The vast majority of sexual encounters don’t result in a pregnancy but it is always a possibility.

In order to be logically internally coherent about when as a society we think that children become adults surely the age of consent should be raised. So Aibu to think that the age of consent should be raised to eighteen

OP posts:
DownstairsMixUp · 28/05/2018 18:38

I don't think no at sixteen all together but I would like to see some protection for 16/17 year olds like how often do you see creepy men in their twenties going for girls this age? It happened a lot in my school. The men were predators.

Racecardriver · 28/05/2018 19:12

I don't think you have understood the law here. It is not illegal to have sex as an underage person. It is illegal to have sex with someone who is under the age of consent. Its a pretty fundamental distinction. The age of consent doesn't criminalise horny teenagers, it criminalises people who take advantage of horny teenagers.

ALongHardWinter · 28/05/2018 19:16

I don't think it will make the slightest bit of difference to whether or not teenagers have sex at 14,15 or whatever.

SameTerfDifferentUserName · 28/05/2018 19:23

Well I’m glad at least you understand the law racecardriver. This thread is incredibly depressing.

LilacBearberry · 28/05/2018 19:23

@Gwenhwyfar but it's legal to have sex with a 16 year old even if you're 65. I don't think that's right, do you?

Andrewofgg · 28/05/2018 19:54

I’m 65 and I find the idea distasteful but if a young woman is old enough to consent, she’s old enough to consent.

BananaToffo · 28/05/2018 19:59

*The age of consent doesn't criminalise horny teenagers. It criminalises people who take advantage of horny teenagers
*
This is a bit disingenous. It effectively criminalises a relationship by saying that both parties (provided they are underage) are committing a crime by having sex with the other.

Maybe there'd be no prosecution but it's still a law that's frowning on what could be a healthy and natural relationship.

In any event, it is ridiculous to suggest that a 16 year old can't consent to sex. They can and the law should reflect that. And, really, how many 16 years are gagging at the bit to run off with 50 year olds? Not very many.

16 and 17 year olds aren't really "children" and the law doesn't actually treat them as if they are even if they are technically classified as such.

BananaToffo · 28/05/2018 20:03

*LilacBearberry
*
There is a point at which personal disgust at a situation ceases to have relevance. If a 16 year old has willingly consented to having a relationship with a 50 year old then why do you think the law should intervene?

How would you feel if it was a 52 year old and an 18 year old? Do you think that's better?

LilacBearberry · 28/05/2018 20:24

@BananaToffo - I think a school child is more vulnerable, yes.

BananaToffo · 28/05/2018 20:28

So nothing to do with age, but everything to do with whether they go to school?

What if they have left school and are doing an apprenticeship?

LilacBearberry · 28/05/2018 20:32

@BananaToffo - but what if they haven't? I'm sorry but wether they are at school sitting their GCSEs or doing an apprenticeship, they're still a child. I don't think it's right.

Andrewofgg · 28/05/2018 20:37

The truth is that any age of consent is arbitrary; some youngsters are perfectly well able to consent before the Magic Birthday and some not really after it, and there has to be a bright line. Making it dependent on the other person’s age would just create further arbitrary inconsistencies.

BananaToffo · 28/05/2018 20:41

I don't think it's "right" that a 16 year old would have a sexual relationship with a 50 year old either. Most people would be concerned about that because it's sufficiently unusual that most of us would suspect abuse.

But you seem to want the law to support the notion that a 16 year old cannot legally consent to sex...with anyone.

They can & do. And if their sexual relationship is consensual and with someone approximately their age, then why stop it? It is biologically normal for late teens to want sex. And yes, sorry, but very occassionally you're going to get one who wants to do that with someone much older. "I don't think it's right" has never worked to stop people doing what they want to do.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/05/2018 21:20

"It is biologically normal for late teens to want sex."

Any more so than for early teens or pubescent pre-teens? It's not about the hormonal drive, but about the ability to engage in adult activities, emotional maturity, etc.

Having thought about it, I actually think it would be more important to move the marrying age (with or without parental consent) to 18.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/05/2018 21:21

"@Gwenhwyfar but it's legal to have sex with a 16 year old even if you're 65. I don't think that's right, do you?"

No, I don't. I partly agree with OP about raising the age of consent, but think it's not very realistic and there are probably bigger priorities. I would hope that the local community's opprobrium would be enough to stop most 65 year olds having sex with minors.

BananaToffo · 28/05/2018 21:36

Gwen Do younger & pre-teens generally want to engage in sex? I know they get the feelings often but it seems to be the case that when they get physical at that age it's a learned behaviour rather than an impetus, which is worrying of course.

I agree that 16 is too young for marriage. It is a contract, after all.

Gwenhwyfar · 29/05/2018 07:10

"Do younger & pre-teens generally want to engage in sex? I know they get the feelings often but it seems to be the case that when they get physical at that age it's a learned behaviour rather than an impetus, which is worrying of course."

The average age for the first time varies from culture to culture. I don't think it's anything natural or universal. It's a learned behaviour at any age isn't it? I remember Oprah Winfrey thinking 14-15 years old who were sexually active must have been abused, which is not something people would say in this country, though they might say it about a 13 year old.
My point was that hormones shouldn't be the determining factor.

corythatwas · 29/05/2018 10:22

I would be very happy to see the legal age of marriage moved to 18 regardless of parental consent. Here we're not just talking about hormones but about a legal contract. Perfectly easy to police and no reason not to. I'd be all for it.

When it comes to 17yos wanting sex, though, I really do think hormones have a role to play. Also that many 17yos are capable of knowing when they want sex; many are even in stable, happy relationships. The only important thing here is to reinforce that you should only do it if you actually want to, not so as not to upset your boyfriend, not to impress your mates, this is something you need to want for you.

Incidentally, I'm wondering if the slightly different age of consent in Northern Europe might not be to do with external factors: 16 is the age British teens move up to Sixth Form or into apprenticeships and start being given more freedom all round; in Sweden this happens at 15 (shorter secondary school, longer Sixth Form).

Lethaldrizzle · 29/05/2018 10:26

I wasn't a raging sex addict at that age

downinthejunglee · 29/05/2018 10:31

Stop turning teenagers in to criminals for normal human behaviour.

Teens are hardwired to want to have sex, changing a law won’t stop that!

Agree with both of these

ZanyMobster · 29/05/2018 10:41

I totally disagree re lowering the age of consent however the law should be that there is an age gap law if one party is under 18, ie no more than 3 years if one person is under 18.

Hideandgo · 29/05/2018 10:43

It might make a few more people wait. So not a bad idea.

But the ones that really really need to not have sex will Not be helped by this unfortunately.

corythatwas · 29/05/2018 10:44

Re cultural variation, I don't think it's so much that indulging in what your hormones tell you is learned behaviour; I think it's more the other way round: restraining yourself from following your hormones is learned behaviour. Or more often than not, behaviour imposed by others.

Most cultures have some kind of norm for regulating sexual behaviour, usually very different for men and women, often class-bound, but almost always transgressed by some.

In cultures where the chastity of women is highly prized, young people tend to be guarded very closely and not allowed to be alone together once they reach puberty, which rather suggests that people do not believe they would only have sex if actively encouraged to do so.

In some societies (e.g. rural w/c areas of northern Europe in the 19th century), there might be a tacit understanding that young people do have sex but as long as pregnancy results in marriage, this is not a problem. Indeed, knowing for a fact that your bride is fertile might be a definite asset in a farming community where strong arms are needed.

In the same locality at the same time, the young lady of the manor will be watched like a hawk, because her pregnancy would have a totally different impact on the people around her. In the meantime, some kindly cousin might well be taking her brothers to the brothel to further their education and give them an outlet for their sexual urges.

But most societies seem to think that "young folks will do it if they come to it" (apologies to WS for gender-neutral misquote).

ZanyMobster · 29/05/2018 10:45

I say the above as someone who had relationships with older men from the age of 15 (all over 20, a few much older than that). I don't feel I was particularly vulnerable and don't have any issues with my sexual history but I think it would safeguard vulnerable young people. Just because I wasn't affected by it doesn't mean it was right.

Lethaldrizzle · 29/05/2018 10:46

Not all teens are hard wired to want to have sex