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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or should brother apologise

35 replies

angie1984 · 28/05/2018 02:55

Not sure where to start, i have a DD who is almost 4 moths old, i am having a naming ceremony in july and invited my silbings to be godparents, however after 2 months of sarcastic comments from my brother i have just uninvited him.
He is going to see eminem in london the day before the naming ceremony which is in leamington spa i asked him before i booked the room would that be ok and pointed out it would not start until 1 pm. he said fine so i booked it, he received his written invitation a few weeks ago and stated on the whatapp that he would be late as in wouldn't get there until early evening i pointed out it finishes at 5 pm. DSis1 stated he should get a cheap airbnb and posted one on the group, me and him have discussed it no more than that.

As siblings we have a group whatapp for posting pics of chlidren or just general musings of our days.Today DSis1 has been posting about her weekend away. I replied very nice and that i had spent the day defrosting our grandad's freezer, having my baby bite my nipple four times (due to teething) and then scream at me for an hour (also due to teething). DBro replied that having one kid must be hard and that when he now describes me to people it will be as the one that bitches about her single child (he has no children).
i replied that one child wasn't hard though it wasn't smiles 24/7 and that i was sure when he had children he would never talk about the harder times and that im sure more than one is more work i would let him know when i had more
his exact response was 'yeah well when you have your next one make sure to schedule everything on days that you know are a struggle for me to get to even when you know in advance, because its not a day involving (my name) unless she's being a cunt'.
My DBro has been struggling with his mental health for the last few years however won't talk to any of us about it and because of this it the past i have let things slide that anyone else i who of pointed it out. But this is the final straw i really do want the whole family at the naming ceremony as it doesn't happen very often but the idea of it, is that we promise to love and teach the baby to respect others, is it wrong for me to expect him to apologise before he is re-invited.

OP posts:
llangennith · 28/05/2018 08:59

Leave the family WhatsApp group for a start. Really not the place to chat about your nipples.
Ignore your DB and enjoy the naming day.

Whereismumhiding2 · 28/05/2018 20:28

@KlutzyDraconequus Those clarification/ reflections were separating it out for OP, rather than us other MNs guessing! We all read the same thing, (I RTFT too!) but we don't know what else was said/ context. And sometimes if the people who were there, have a clear few areas to think over again, it can help tease out whether parts might have been a misunderstanding or not. None of it excuses how he spoke to OP though.

Whereismumhiding2 · 28/05/2018 20:36

@KlutzyDraconequus I think you misread my first post, as I made no assumptions about OP, wild or not!! ShockSmile

Maelstrop · 28/05/2018 20:47

I would never talk to my dh again if he called me that. I don’t think mh problems are a valid excuse.

MiggeldyHiggins · 28/05/2018 21:10

What if she is Wiccan or something? Still with the Godparents, but a Wiccan Naming Ceremony. This is 2018

Are wiccans big into god?

As I said, it’s not a protected term. Anyone can use it to mean anything they like. There’s no ‘can not’ about it

Well no, they can't use it to mean anything they like, thats not how language works. They can't use "godparent" to mean table, or sausage dog, or Frenchman. They can use it at a naming ceremony if they like, but its pretty stupid to use the term GODparents if their is no religious element at all.

JassyRadlett · 28/05/2018 22:01

Well no, they can't use it to mean anything they like, thats not how language works. They can't use "godparent" to mean table, or sausage dog, or Frenchman. They can use it at a naming ceremony if they like, but its pretty stupid to use the term GODparents if their is no religious element at all.

What are your views on Christmas?

MiggeldyHiggins · 28/05/2018 22:02

Christmas? Fun family holiday, now much more a secular holiday than a religious one. Terrible analogy here though.

ferntwist · 28/05/2018 22:07

His message was unbelievably nasty and hurtful, especially in front of your other siblings on the group chat. I would find it very hard to have anything to do with him again. He’s got a serious problem with his level of aggression. Eminem is known for glorifying violent misogyny in his lyrics so he’ll be revelling in that at the concert.

JassyRadlett · 28/05/2018 23:56

Christmas? Fun family holiday, now much more a secular holiday than a religious one. Terrible analogy here though.

No, a fairly accurate and relevant one, and certainly a lot more pertinent than your sausage dog or Frenchman.

Both are of Christian origin. Both have Christian-specific words in the name. Both have, through the cultural dominance of the Christian church for centuries, gained cultural significance and meaning outwith the Christian origins of the terms, including for those who are not Christian.

Godparents: to many people, adults who have been chosen by the parents to play a special role in their child’s life. Nowt to do with churchgoing and spiritual guidance (including for many who have their kids baptised).

19lottie82 · 29/05/2018 00:58

Naming ceremony’s are a bit cringe, sorry. What’s the point in them, honestly?

And although you can do what you want, I really don’t get the “godparents” thing, if you’re not having a christening.

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