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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to getting all teary and hormonal as SIL's has a baby and the memories have flooded back?

27 replies

Monkeytrousers · 19/05/2007 13:09

Me and Dh are going thru an emotionally estranged patch again. His sister gave birth last night and I was really suprised by my reaction. was happy for her, but more empathising, had a few phantom twinges and a massive hormonal rush - all the memories of DS's birth came back - how long and hard, the relief, me and DH being totally besotted, with each other as well as DS - and then I had a bitter sweet twinge at how shitty it's been lately - all these things. Dp says he's just 'relieved' and it doesn't bring back any memories.

Am I just being wet?

OP posts:
beansprout · 19/05/2007 13:16

I can completely understand this. Having a baby and the rush of love you have for your partner at that time is one of the emotionally intense experiences a lot of us will have. If it's all faded a bit, or just isn't working too well at the moment, the contrast (and your assumption about how they are feeling) will inevitably make you feel a bit sad.

Grass is often greener though. Wouldn't expect dp to have a similar response though, they never do!

Original poster
Monkeytrousers · 19/05/2007 13:23

We're going to see her later - I just know I'll cry when I see her, with recognition. DP thinks I'm just jealous. I can't believe it doesn't spark anything in him

OP posts:
liquidclocks · 19/05/2007 13:24

I don't know the details of the situation with your DH but from the little you've said I think your feelings are completely understandable. Me and DH are pretty 'ok' most of the time but while at a wedding recently I couldn't help feeling a little bit sorry for myself that I didn't have that whole 'in love' feeling any more. Who knows, one day it might come back but times change, kids make you tired etc etc.

Sounds like you could do with a big and a brew (hope that works )

Original poster
Monkeytrousers · 19/05/2007 13:29

thanks

I had no idea I would feel like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkeytrousers · 20/05/2007 10:17

Went to see her and the baby is lovely and she is fine. I welled up but didn;t cry, just very happy for her.

DP has said I ruined the day for him though, for expressing myself and the emotional entanglements I felt before I went, a chat of about 10 mins in the car hours before we went. My birthday present has not been revoked. Hey ho.

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 20/05/2007 22:29

You ruined dp's day just by telling him how you feel? He sounds a bit touchy. I'm sure I could think of much meaner ways to ruin my dh's day if I wanted to.

Kif · 20/05/2007 22:39

tosser.

Elasticwoman · 20/05/2007 22:46

Who are you hurling abuse at Kif?

DSMEZ · 20/05/2007 22:47

No wonder you are estranged!

Elasticwoman · 20/05/2007 22:50

Who is estranged?

fireflyfairy2 · 20/05/2007 22:52

MT & her Dh are estranged.

I don't understand the post though

Men don't usually get the emotional side the way a woman would.

I don't think I would feel the way you do, as it does sound a bit like jealousy, but I can totally understand it. Especially if the borth of your ds brought you closer to dh who you now feel apart from.

DSMEZ · 20/05/2007 22:53

Elasticwoman--I think Kif is referring to OP's partner. I'm referring to OP who says she is "emotionally estranged" from partner (who sounds like a real charmer).

OtterInnit · 20/05/2007 22:58

mt you sound fun - i love your profile and your phd sounds fabbola

i am the exact same and burst into tears re birth in close mates all the time

you are being absolutely reasonable and senstive and sweet

OtterInnit · 20/05/2007 22:58

mt you sound fun - i love your profile and your phd sounds fabbola

i am the exact same and burst into tears re birth in close mates all the time

you are being absolutely reasonable and senstive and sweet

Kif · 20/05/2007 23:05

To elaborate: monkeytrousers dh sounds like a self absorbed tosser - the kind that thinks they're deep down sensitive - but wouldn't be able to understand another persons point of view if it came and hit them on the face - aand if it did come and hit them on the face they'd only take that as a direct insult on them somehow - as though everything has seen to be either perfect or be blamed on them.

tosser.

Kif · 20/05/2007 23:07
HonoriaGlossop · 20/05/2007 23:11

I think you're being a woman and he's being a man to be honest.

It doesn't 'spark' anything in him because he doesn't have these hormonal, more visceral reactions because that is not his experience.

I don't think you can expect it of a man.

Though it sounds bizarre that you telling him how you felt ruined his day? Unless he felt perhaps he wanted to concentrate on his sister and not how it impacted on you?

OtterInnit · 20/05/2007 23:16

i think he needs to grow up

fireflyfairy2 · 20/05/2007 23:17

Is he close to his sister?

As I think if SIL had a baby Dh wouldn't bat an eyelid

Original poster
Monkeytrousers · 21/05/2007 09:11

Yes, he is - so am I.

LOL Kif, (lost the KifA?) you got him down pat!

Thanks Otter, I'd be a lot more fun if DP wasn't such a grumpy baboon!

OP posts:
Kif · 21/05/2007 13:45

and I'm glad to see you kept faith with your simian nickname

Elasticwoman · 22/05/2007 09:06

Sorry to be dim and thanks for explanations.

bozza · 22/05/2007 09:12

I agree with the general gist of the thread, I have felt hormonal and a slight twinge of regret that there won't be anymore for us when I hold the newborn of close family/friends. My sister had a baby in the early hours so I am kind of prepared for it to happen. DH doesn't get it, and never will and I expect a lot of men are like this. But I somehow doubt it would ruin his day - sounds like a bit of an over-reaction and a bit as though everything has to be about him.

Elasticwoman · 22/05/2007 09:39

I bet my grandmother never felt like that, Bozza, as she had 11 children who all survived infancy, and was subsequently quite often lumbered with the care of various grandchildren for long periods. That pang of regret seems worth it to me, in order to avoid a life as exhausting and restricted as my grandmother's. She took in lodgers too.

bozza · 22/05/2007 22:11

oh elasticwoman I do agree totally. I suppose in a way the pang of regret is a luxury for our generation. And of course if I wanted another child there is no real reason I could not have one - but it took me quite a bit of effort to persuade DH to have the second one so I do really know when to call it quits!