To feel pissed off at these men for following me at night and indirectly causing a fall

[Rulerofmyheart]

I was out on Friday evening and headed home about midnight, walking the last few hundred metres from the bus. It's a safe area in my experience.

About 200m from my house, a car full of young men started following alongside me at walking pace. They made several comments, compliments, asking whether I wanted a lift. I didn't feel particularly dangerous 'vibes'. I politely made clear that I wasn't interested and urged them to continue on their way.

When they carried on alongside me, I momentarily lost concentration on where I was going, to think what to do next, whether to turn round. There was no turn off and I didn't really want them seeing my house as I live alone.

I didn't notice a broken paving slab and went flying, painfully landing on my knee and arm which are still hurting quite a bit, causing cuts and bruises. (I hadn't been drinking btw, that wasn't why I fell!) I got straight up and carried on but the car stopped just ahead and one of the men got out. I stopped So as not to get close, assuring them again that i did not need a lift, and eventually they got drove off.

Now, me falling down might've meant the guys didn't know what to do, and I'm not saying they directly caused me to fall or anything but what good did they think would come of following a lone woman late at night even after being asked to leave her alone? aibu to think that men should think in these situations how their advances might come across?? Not quite sure what my aibu is, just feel quite annoyed.

Yanbu. They were being dicks

Ouch! Your poor thing. YANBU. They were being complete dickheads and should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. You wouldn’t have fallen if they weren’t hounding you for their own amusement. A car of women works never, ever do this to a lone young man. Why do men find this so much fun? Losers. Get well soon.

Sorry, that should say a car of women would never do this to a lone young man.

That's a horrible situation to be in. I'd have been really scared if it had happened to me. They should have realised there actions could have been seen as intimidating.

What wankers!

Of course it was their fault you fell!!! I'm not sure why you feel the need to make excuses for them.

What lone woman at night wouldn't be intimidated by being curb crawled??

At the best they are thoughtless half wits but more likely they are nasty, entitled, misogynistic wankers.

Hope you feel better soon OP. God forbid it happens again but if it does get the license plate and report them.

They were dicks,but it was the uneven pavement that made you fall.Take it up with the council.

Sounds like they were being twats, but seeing you fall might have made them think 'shit', feel idiots and actually wanted to have checked on you.

You are too generous OP. The act of curb crawling is to belittle, intimidate or make fun of a woman at best using the fear it instils. Or just straight up commit rape Men don't genuinely offer lifts in a group like that. Would you try to get to know someone that way? No. People who are genuine wouldn't gang up like that.

As soon as they started following me I'd have been terrified and run away. It's so easy to be dragged into a car! Ridiculous behaviour, they must realise how threatening it would seem to a lone woman?

YANBU at all... I hope your injuries heal and it may be worth giving the description of the car if you have one to 101/local Facebook group just in case

Thanks all, really appreciate the support.

Interesting that a pp mentioned making excuses for the men. I wanted to get this off my chest but half expected a wave of responses to say 'you shouldn't have been out on the street alone' or similar. Which goes to show I felt automatically in the wrong for being in this situation whereas all of your kind responses affirm otherwise.

YANBU. A fall however could well have been the least of your worries.

Of they realise how intimidating it is being followed. They just don't care. In fact they get off on people's fear. TheyRe fuckin sickos.

I'd love to see one of them on their own follow and shout abuse to a team of rugby players.

Ugh, no excuse for this type of behaviour OP, they knew they were intimidating you and there's no way their intentions were good whichever way you look at it. You have every right to be angry and upset and I would report it to the police if it had happened to me. Even if all that achieves is local police keeping an eye out for them I still think it's worth doing. Hope you're ok

I'm sorry this happened, they were stupid to do that. I wish men would just realise to leave people alone and that it's unwanted.

Yesterday I went into a shop to buy a diet coke, there was a very drunk guy who leered towards me and went to grab me and started making comments. His friend pulled him away. I told him to leave me alone, and he turned aggressive. How do they not realise its intimidating and horrible and to leave people alone? I want to be able to go into a shop without having to be on guard for this bullshit all of the time, it's constant and wearing and I hate it and one day I will snap. I know some of it was linked to the bank holiday weekend because a lot of people were drinking in the street.

I hope you are ok OP.

I hope you took their number, could you report them? Revenge is sweet if only a police officer turning up at their door.

You are right to be angry, I would be.

The post about the man following women at night to scare them made me angry. He knows nothing about them. I wish one day one of them would've flipped on him.

Me too, Flowers. I only hope he's done a lot of growing up now he has a daughter.

Oh and hope youre alright after being started on by the drunken man in the shop, what a scary experience. I hope his friend reminds him of what he did so he's fully aware and can feel some contrition at least.

Did you take their registration number? Could you describe the car or any of the occupants? How many were there? I would seriously be reporting this to the police. At best they were twats who thought it was fun to intimidate a lone woman. The worse case scenario doesnt bear thinking about. You sound extremely sensible and level-headed but what if it was someone young or drunk or a bit dim? There could have been yet another sexual assault victim posting on here this morning, blaming herself for getting in that car or being dragged into it because she was alone.

Didn't manage to.get the reg no or car model I'm afraid, Cora. If something similar happens again I will try to though as their behaviour was really out of order (not sure if criminal but certainly intimidating and there was no way to tell their true intentions).

That was my concern, I've been younger and drunk before myself and who's to say somebody might not decide to accept a lift if more vulnerable than I was.

I think some sort of education is needed for boys and young men (not saying it's the majority that intimidate women by any means but it happens often enough to be an issue).

What struck me about these particular young men, hence perhaps being a bit lenient in my OP, was that they seemed in good spirits.

They didnt say anything crude or abusive (although i have had this plenty of times, as have pp). So, perhaps foolishly, giving them full benefit of the doubt (of course they could have been playing nice to win my trust and I had no way of knowing if their mood might change) it might've been that they simply didn't make the connection or use their empathy to think that following a lone woman in a group and the repeated offers of a lift were intimidating and inappropriate even if well meant (again, huge benefit of the doubt here!). Which should be obvious but clearly isn't.

Kids are taught not to accept lifts from strangers, but how about being taught how not to be that 'stranger'?

Sorry for the long vent, I just think this may may be behaviour that is perhaps based on ignorance and thoughlessness in some cases (not all) rather than necessarily malice or violent intent and that can be addressed.

Obviously we should never just assume the best of a guy following us, or excuse this, these are just some thoughts I've had in retrospect.

What a nasty bunch of pricks. Don’t make excuses for them, it’s male privilege in full display. I had this when I was about 12, cycling my bike back from my friends house, it was dark, (although my mum wouldn’t have let me out late so it must have been winter), and no one around. Bunch of guys in a car just drove alongside me, all the way to my street. Scared the hell out of me.

You aren't a prisoner - you have every right to be out on a street at any time of the day or night and the fact that you thought that people on here might tell you you should be out speaks volumes about how women are treated - as second class citizens who don't even have the freedom to be outdoors, minding their own business.

I think you're giving those men far too much credit - they would have been fully aware of how afraid you were. As others have said, they would have got off on it, and enjoyed how freaked out you looked. They may not have considered just how frightening it really was for you, and that's because they don't have to, because it's unlikely they'll ever be in a similar situation themselves.

I'm shit sick of men not realising just how threatening they are to women and how much women are taught to be afraid - and rightly so in far too many cases.

sorry that should say 'and the fact that you thought people on here might tell you you shouldn't be out