To just give up bothering with people

[BlueBridges]

In the last year I’ve been made to feel unwelcome socially in a 3 different social circles. I won’t bore you with the detail but my self esteem is at rock bottom now.
I’m a nice person my true friends say I’m too nice which is why I get fucked over.
But it still hurts.
I’m inclusive and try not to leave people out- and an event I arranged with school mums for this week now I’m made to feel like I can’t attend.
Feel low today. But it must be me as I’m the common denominator in all these situations so I feel like I need to step back and stop trying to make new friends- aibu?
I feel like I need to rebuild my self esteem back up from all this rejection.

You wont bore us with the details but the details are pretty important as theres a fair chance you may be reading too much into things

See what you mean...
Mentioned before on previous threads- in a nutshell- Firstly neighbours get together for wine nights they were bitchy towards and about new neighbour on WhatsApp group about her weight, her finances- I defended her and then I was removed from WhatsApp and wine night invites.

Secondly a couple of women I’ve known for a while through baby groups but since they have become friendly with the wine night neighbours they have stopped inviting me out and not chatting when I bump into them.

School mums i can’t explain without outing myself but I’ve had to say I can’t go to an event now and just in general I’ve been left out of group play dates and nights out.

Nobody gets rejected as a friend for being too nice, but we all get the bums rush sometimes. It's usually simply because of mismatched personalities, which make it difficult to gel with a particular person or group.

Since you have longstanding friends who support you, spend more time with them (which will reassure you that you are likeable and liked!), and then branch out to making new friends.

One useful piece of advice I read once was "Please yourself. Your friends will like you better for it." I have found this to be true overall.

But why would you want to set up friendships with bitchy people?
Be more choosy, pick people who have a bit of backbone, who don’t delight in excluding people and you’ll get on fine.

It sounds like you’re not their kind of person . Let them go . Fewer friends are better than lots of crap ones

I know logically I’m better off out of the wine night group as they were obviously not my cup of tea but it still hurts to see them doing things together and I feel left out- I know that sounds daft but it highlights they obviously all get along and I’m the odd one out- especially now as the lady they were all slagging off is included in their group. She doesn’t know what was said and I would never tell her.

Just feeling like I’m the odd one out and it’s knocked my confidence really

"You"ve got enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something in your life." Winston Churchill.

I admire you and you are worth 10 of those drips.

close the door on anything and anyone who makes you feel this way OP.. I learned long ago that people will shit on nice people because they know you'll likely be too polite or kind to protest ....

walk away... then just smile and wave in passing

I've been there so many times so now I'm not very sociable at all.

I think socially anxious people give off a vibe and that makes it harder to gel in social situations.

I prefer cats to people now

@Queenoftheblitz
You’re right and OP, you’re in the right too!

Nobody gets rejected as a friend for being too nice,
I think the bitchy types will reject you! If you're not joining in with them (and heaven forbid you actually actively disagree with them) then they won't want you around. Keep looking OP, there are decent people around & when you find them you'll fit right in. It's a bit like Mumsnet - it can be difficult to see past the 'nest of vipers' but there are nice posters tucked away. You just have to keep looking (squinting sometimes!).

The first two groups are connected, sounds like the wine night women bitched about you to the baby group ones.

Not enough info about the school thing, but if you suggested to a group doing something on a specific date and others liked the idea but arranged it for a date you couldn’t go, you’re being a bit unreasonable.

Perhaps try one to one and don’t organise group things?

I was on the fringes of a friendship group where there was a fair bit of bitching, I didn’t actively challenge it but was uncomfortable, and stopped being invited to stuff, but then I didn’t initiate things either, as I didn’t enjoy the company.

I wouldn't want to be in the wine night assholes group and nor should you. Well done sticking up for the neighbour. Don't give up on people but don't waste time on those who are not worth it.

OP - I would not want to be in the wine group or the baby group. They sound foul.

You're the odd one out of a group of people who like to hurt each other. I'd say you are well rid. If the common thing is you and how you don't indulge in nastiness then thank goodness there are people out there like you.
This happens to me too and there was a point where I got sucked into it. It wasn't me. I'd rather have zero friends then turn into someone like that.
It is a shame so many of your friends know each other and you're left out but I'm sure you'd rather they weren't talking behind your back whilst pretending to be your friend.
Take a step back and focus on you. When life throws us unfairness it's a good time to meditate and search for one's own soul. Clearly others are too busy being nasty

People can be pretty annoying and selfish. Just reading some of the aggression on Mumsnet makes me glad I don’t know certain people in real life!