He's taking credit for what I've done

[Feelingthisway]

I have three DCs, youngest 2 eldest 6, and I’m separating from my DH, anyways. We’ve been married 8 years, in those 8 years he’s never lifted a finger, never changed a nappy, never bought bathed or bought the kids clothes. He doesn’t even know their shoe size, yes I know hes useless. So now that we’ve separating, I worry how he will cope with the children when they’re at his house since he’s never taken care of them. The other day I asked him to change DS2 nappy, because I just wanted to see if he could do it. He refuses and says anyone can change a nappy, and if he really had to do it he would do it but I’m here now. And when I opened DS nappy and tried to change him, he looked at it and made this “Ewww” look, AIBU to think this is not the reaction of a grown man in his 30s with three kids? I mean as a parent, you’re used to pee, vomit and poo? It was so childish, I mean I could change a nappy in my sleep, and I’ve changed other kids nappies before.

Another thing he does is he likes to show off. We were at the GP the other day, sitting in the waiting room. He made eye contact with another woman and started playing with DS, he kept looking at the woman and the woman gave him a “Awwww” look, like awww you’re such a good dad, and he just kept doing it more and more, playing with DS. Had he never made eye contact with the woman, he would never have played with DS.

Sometimes when we’re near the house, he would try and race with the older two kids, one time as he was about to run he looked over his shoulder at the flats behind him, just to see if the neighbours were looking at him, he did this twice.

I just feel like he wants everyone to think he’s this great dad, when the reality is he does NOTHING for these kids. He plays 10 mins with them and that’s it. His idea of looking after the kids is shove them in their bedroom and let them to their own devices.

And I also hate how he’s standing there with the neighbours showing the kids off, when he can’t even change his own sons nappy.

I feel like he’s taking credit for what I’ve done, I’ve raised three beautiful kids. No thanks to him.

so AIBU to feel this way or am I being childish ?

Grit your teeth and get on with it. This is why you are divorcing.

Leave him to it and have a break now. He'll have to learn or he won't bother having them when the time comes.

When you put up with crap the person has no incentive to change. Time will tell if he can learn to do a decent job and you and he know the truth.

You can deceive everyone else but yourself.

alot of them do this its to make up for how shit they really are

my dsis ex likes to tell people he takes his son away places-has never happened

Why are you getting so worked up about this? Are you worried that he will somehow manage to pull-off his 'I'm a great dad act' with another woman and sail off into the sunset with a new amazing life?
Don't loose sleep over it, he probably won't because he is inherently quite shite. It would be like someone pretending to be a Michelin chef when they can't heat up canned soup. The truth always comes to the surface in the end. Don't worry about it.
As for practicalities of dealing with your kids...he's just got to learn and get his hands dirty. No choice now.

By the way, the ultimate judges of your and your ex DH's relative parenting skills will be your children.

Thank you for your replies. Some of your comments have brought a tear to my eye, I really hope my children will realise I was the one who did everything for them. Since the birth of my eldest, 6 years ago I've never had a lie in. I have been up with the kids from the moment they wake up til they go bed. He's NEVER been up with the kids, even when I'm ill I get up. Even when I came home from the hospital after having giving birth, I was up next day cooking, cleaning and looking after the kids. If I don't do it it never gets done.

He just eats, sleeps and plays on his phone. Sometimes in the weekends the kids will come to his bedroom at 2pm, he will play with them for a few mins, then tells them to get out. It's like as if he can't handle it.

Sometimes I look back and I'm like thank god I've never had an illness or had to be hospitalised, because how on earth would he cope?

I really hoped I could potty the youngest before we got divorced, because I worry ds2 will sit there in his own poo while he's father is slumped on the sofa playing a game. I don't think he will have them overnight until they've a big older.

Mine was the same - 9yrs of letting me do everything, split, insta disneydad.

I find this the most upsetting thing tbh, y didnt he pull his finger out before and we could have saved the marriage?

I would have just said so, especially to the neighbours and the woman he was trying to impress.

Would have just said, 'yeah he can handle playing with the kid for 5 mins, doesn't mean he can change a nappy or know their shoe size' and just made a spectacle of him and embarrassed him.

People like him need it pointed out that they are useless, in public.

I think contact will dwindle after the first couple. He will be one of those dad who can't be arsed.
His loss.

I'll join the masses to say that my exh is like this. When we split (dd was 2 , ds was 9) it was the first time he had looked after them independently for more than an hour , and made any attempt to really be a parent. Yet he's the loudest parent at a sports day, the first to take family pictures for social media etc. He still has no clue how much uniforms really cost (never paid/pays cm) and never organises appointments.

You are not alone op.

It's so frustrating isn't it. I live in hope my LO will realise the truth eventually. She adores him, even makes excuses when he doesn't turn up as promised. She ends up gutted & angry at me & so the cycle continues. He is a complete waste of space & has nothing now. Not even a house. His latest scam is getting LA housing with more bedrooms than required as his LO stays at weekends. She has never ever stayed overnight with him. It's hard picking up the pieces & being the bad one all the time. But I say this in my lovely house with everything I need so karma has been kicking his ass for yrs now for all the shit he's put me through

Feelingfree yes I hope so. My children are closer to me, they come to me when they're hungry/upset, or ill. They never go to him. As of now I'm about to take them out to the park, while he's still in bed.

Do you think he’ll bother to have them much when you’ve separated?
My sons father was very much like this, literally 10 minutes of attention and that was only cause they were in the same house.
Now our relationship is over and he has to actually make the effort to see his son, he barely bothers.

feelingfree

When did your children realise he was a fraud?

My ex used to do that Did nothing round the house or with the kids, until we had people over or we went out somewhere, then he became Dad of the Year. Sounds like you're well shot!