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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my teenage sons to be friends ....?

14 replies

josben · 27/05/2018 08:25

My DS's (15 and 17) were so close when they were younger but now they argue and and irritate each other and often ignore each other ...

It makes me sad and I'm not sure what I can do to encourage them to be better friends ...??

Or do you think it's normal ..?

OP posts:

Languageofkindness · 27/05/2018 08:27

I think completely normal, I was exactly the same with my sister. Only when we left home for respective universities did we become friends and are the best now

Isadora2007 · 27/05/2018 08:28

It can be normal. But I’d still insist they were civil and respectful to each other. Nothing above and beyond that for now and they may come out the other side. A shared enemy could be good so maybe you should be horrible to them both for a bit and see if that brings them closer!? (Joking, kind of- butnif you’ve been pushing them together please stop)

EmpressOfSpartacus · 27/05/2018 08:30

What language said. My sister & I have a 4 year age gap & I more or less ignored her until I left for uni. We're really close now, confide in each other & go on holiday together.

Shadow666 · 27/05/2018 08:31

I knew girl identical twins who were 15 and absolutely couldn’t stand to be in the same room as each other. Must have been hard on their Mum. Give it time. They might get on better in a few years.

Original poster

josben · 27/05/2018 08:33

Thanks for your replies

Yes I agree isadora2007 with the shared enemy thing! 😀

OP posts:

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 27/05/2018 08:34

Yeah I can empathise - mine are 17 and 19 and used to be so close and as a family unit we were really close too but it doesn’t feel like that any more. 19 yr old DS is at uni and 17 still at home. They seem to be growing ever more distant - I find it heartbreaking and miss our family as it was.
Mine don’t argue but just don’t have anything to do with each other.

PlausibleSuit · 27/05/2018 08:35

This is normal, I think. I'm one of six brothers. We fought and bickered all the time as teens but it evened out. As each brother got to 18 the landscape would settle a bit more! I now get on well with all of them, and am particularly close with two.

2gorgeousboys · 27/05/2018 08:38

Reading with interest as my two have never been close (but both adore their big brother DSS). Recently though the sniping and arguing has intensified. I’m hoping once DS1 goes to university in September they will get in better.

EmpressOfSpartacus · 27/05/2018 08:54

DSis is staying the weekend with me. We spent most of yesterday evening talking over a bottle of prosecco .

I think the difference for us was definitely when we weren't living together any more & had the space to get to know each other as adults.

Yogagirl123 · 27/05/2018 09:02

My two DS’ are nearly 17 & 15, they get on well most of the time but eldest DS loves to windup younger son, which doesn’t take much if I am honest. They are two entirely different personalities , DS2 is strong willed and has usually been the boss, DS1 is much more confident than he used to be which is great but he definitely challenges his brother more now. Just being teenagers.

Echobelly · 27/05/2018 09:07

My husband says he and his brother were at each other's throats from mid childhood to early adulthood (they get on fine now). So maybe count your blessings it's only got bad now! It will probably pass within a couple of years.

1derwoman · 27/05/2018 09:41

My 17 and 19 year old sons were very close as children and had a love/hate relationship until my eldest left home last year. Now, they seem to be forging their own lives and identities and I look forward to the time when their relationship gets closer again as they mature.

Parky04 · 27/05/2018 09:45

DS 18 and DS 16 are not close. Do not argue as they barely talk to each other! They have absolutely nothing in common. It is a shame and hopefully they will become closer as they get older.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 27/05/2018 09:53

It's not unusual, dh and bil apparently rowed through teen years, good mates now. My twins loathe their older brother, they are all mid twenties.

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