To think this is unacceptable by a father ?

[NewRoadToHappinessxx]

5yr old twins and a 3 yr old. Tw1 sleeps on top (low) bunk at home. Arrived on holiday twin beds with one bunk over the top. Tw1 wanted bunk. At home he jumps off the bunk on to a big stool (about 18 inches). This bunk is higher and dh said to be careful. Settling them down dh says tw1 toilet so he (after 18hrs of travelling and being ill with an ear infection) jumps off to wear his stool usually is to land hitting his cheek bone on his sisters head, let out a huge scream followed by them both crying. Dh shouts ‘you stupid boy look what you’ve done, come here darling (dd) are you ok’ - I am discusted. He has a swollen face and will probably have a black eye in the morning but that apart if two of your children are hurt because of an accident (not if one has hit the other deliberately) even if he had been told you give them both love an attention right?

I think it’s just the final straw he is always first to be blamed, last to be believed and he try’s so bloody hard to please him it breaks my heart.

This is not a post as to why Eurocamp feel it is ok to sleep a 5yr old in a bunk that is over 5ft off the ground without a fixed ladder but he has accused me of BU and said I should back him up not undermine him ffs.

Give it your best shot ....

Depending on the size of the bunk beds mattresses- I think I would have put them to bed end to end as they do sound a little high for their age.

I know I have lost it on occasion when I've been utterly exhausted. Its not part of a bigger picture though. Occasionally in my life I have snapped (verbally) is there a back story? Is this a regular occurrence?

I think everyone just needs a good nights sleep.

I do think that you need to stop this jumping off of the bunk bed though.

Thanks for your replies. It’s not a gender thing as both twins are boys and the girl is the 3 yr old. He treats the boys differently. He admits he has a problem with him which he keeps saying he needs to address but doesn’t.

For clarity the ‘stool’ is like an armchair with no arm of back used to be part of a corset sofa, is trapped between the bunks and the wall so it can’t move and the drop at home is about f on the top of his knee to his foot as the bottom bunk is essentially floor height if that makes sense and he says the steps hurt his feet. He has never hurt himself.

DD was fine, no bump and was laughing 5 mins later.

DH is giving me silent treatment/ dirty looks and refuses to say sorry (as always).

@colly this is exactly how I feel.

And yes 18hrs not ideal but it seemed like a good idea at the time 😬

Whether you like it or not 5yo (boy) hurt 3yo (girl) - gender roles come into play here.

Unless there is a massive back story, everyone just seems overwrought and over tired.

Although why anyone would take a child with an ear infection on a n 18 hour care journey is beyond my comprehension. That said it cant be that bad if he's lobbing himself off the top bunk.

Then again, is he that child who is constantly reckless, with no respect for other peoples furnishings (jumping off the top bunk, on to a stool) or is this just normal behaviour from him ? That in it's self would get wearying.

Do you or have you ever manage(d) parenting twins by taking one each? Could it be something as simple as he feels more bonded to one twin than the other due to that? Was he born first (so dad held him first while twin two arrived?) does either remind him of him?
As a couple you need to be a team and it sounds like you both take sides and he feels you don’t have his back and it sounds like you don’t. This isn’t good for either of you nor your kids.
He was angry and he used the word stupid. I bet he actually felt stupid himself- for not taking a 5 year old to the loo before bed, for forgetting he might make a mistake and jump, for not protecting his other child etc. And often when we feel uncomfortable feelings we throw them out or push them onto others.
Instead of attacking him and making him defend himself, maybe try to have a heart to heart about how you would like to feel like a team and that you’re worried that his sons are missing out on both having the best of him. And ask what you can do to help. Think about his own upbringing and see if there may be reasons why he can’t manage both boys? But talk to each other like two adults- admit if you’ve not been respectful of him or appreciating of what he does. (Just a question- who drove? As he was doing bedtime duty I am assuming it was you)
Talk and talk some more - hopefully the eurocamp site has childcare and you can take some couple time as I doubt you’ve had much in the last 5/6 years and it’s showing.

Am I the only one thinking why on earth do OP and her OH let their 5 year old jump off the top of bunk beds??? Stop letting him do dangerous things and maybe your kids won’t get hurt!!
Ffs it wasn’t either child’s fault it was totally the parents fault.

No, you're not the only one thinking this. Utterly foolish thing to allow/encourage at home, or anywhere.

he says the steps hurt his feet
The he needs to either give up that bunk or get used to the steps.

Do you think your DH favours your girl over the boys OP?

My exH favoured our DD's over our DS's. It's part of what ended our marriage. He also knew it and said he needed to sort it out. He never did though. As a result, I ended up over protective of my boys and distant from my girls, who naturally preferred the parent that treated them as though they could do no wrong.

Throwing exH out was the best thing I ever did. The boys began to come out of their shells. The girls and I began to develop a much closer relationship.

I don't think your post is actually about this incident alone, is it OP? If your DH knows and admits he has a problem with your DS but won't address it, be careful. When my boys got older and naturally pushed their boundaries, my exh assaulted them on contact visits.

This is not a post as to why Eurocamp feel it is ok to sleep a 5yr old in a bunk that is over 5ft off the ground without a fixed ladder Erm...YOU and your dh took that choice, not the park.

I think there is way too much blaming here. Did you explain to your son why he needed to be careful, did you supervise him getting off the bunk (with no ladder you should have), did you tell him to make sure his sister wasn't in the way? Simply saying "be careful" is not enough for a 5yr old.

You need to stop him jumping off bunks for a start.

Secondly, your dh's reaction isn't that unusual, he was probably worried about his daughter and momentarily mad at his son. That's allowed in the heat of the moment. He is tired, having traveled 18hrs to. What he does after show what kind of father he is.

If your DH has a problem with a specific child, he needs to address that and if he's not you need to push him to, especially if your DS has picked up on it and is trying to please him.

Right now it might not seem like an enormous deal, but to what extent would your DS have to be injured before your DH would prioritize him? Would your DH believe him if he said he was feeling ill? When they're older, would this cause friction between your DS and his siblings (would his siblings play on this power dynamic to their own advantage?) Could this affect the amount of support your DS gets with schoolwork etc.? If he has an issue with your child, you need to sort it pronto. Why do you think this problem started? It might shed some light as to how to fix it.

Hope your poor DS okay.

*is okay, sorry.

So it's actually completely about the fact that he has openly admitted to you that he treats that child differently to the others.

Any particular reason?

More to it. Are you happy in this relationship generally? If so then you tell him that he needs to spend the rest of his holiday bonding with his son. You make sure he has plenty of one on one time with him and you take the other 2 with you to do something else. Then when he gets home he agrees to talk to someone.

Or if you aren't happy in the relationship then this would just add a nail to the coffin for you wouldn't it?

Has he given him a cuddle since or looked at his face. If not then it's a serious talk time.

If so then you tell him that he needs to spend the rest of his holiday bonding with his son. You make sure he has plenty of one on one time with him and you take the other 2 with you to do something else.

I'd be careful with this depending on your DH's attitude. Does he just view this DS as less important than the others, or is he actively malicious? Does he have some sort of grudge against him? Or is he generally uncaring about your DS' wellbeing?

If he just thinks your DS is less important than the other kids, one-on-one time might be good, provided you make sure your DH is aware that this is happening for a specific reason and is actually making an effort, instead of them just being in the same house. If your DH is sulking and refusing to apologize, I wouldn't do it. If he's unwilling then it'll probably be half-assed bordering on neglectful (psychologically damaging as well as possibly dangerous) and if he might actively take it out on your son it could go very badly.

If he is actively irritable or cruel, don't leave them alone together, for obvious reasons. If he is generally neglectful of your DS' injuries or problems, don't leave them alone either. He could hurt himself somehow as he did yesterday (or worse) and he could be met with anger again - which could very much upset your DS or cause problems if the injury needs to be treated. If he hasn't hurt another one of his "important" children he might not be angry, but he also might not care. Don't leave them alone together if either of these are the case.