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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL tattoo.

46 replies

Dobbythesockelf · 26/05/2018 20:12

I'm going to begin this by saying that I don't get on with my mil and I'm also heavily pregnant so I might be overreacting.
My mil isn't very nice, she wasn't the best mum to my dh, lied to him about his father, took money from him, treated him differently to siblings. She has spent the last few years convincing his family that I am a horrible person, told them I am stopping her seeing her grandchild, turning her son against her etc.
I decided about 18 months ago that for my own sanity I was going to have very little to do with her, all contact with my dd was going to be through my dh and I wouldn't step foot in her house etc. She very rarely sees dh and dd, about 3/4 times a year on average. They talk about twice a month, but she takes no real interest in his life at all, very rarely asks about him and dd, talks about herself. She is currently trying to see us more often but we think this is cause I'm pregnant again and she loves babies.
She visited today. She has during the 1 hour visit informed my dh that she is getting a tattoo of our kids names on her. With some nonsense about grandmas angels. This has made me angry. She takes no interest in her son or grandchild but now wants to tattoo their names on he body, one child isn't even born yet. I just don't get why she would do this, she is in her 50's and has not got any tattoos so why would she start with this. AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:

frasier · 26/05/2018 21:40

^ Yep, "Grandma's Angles"

frasier · 26/05/2018 21:42

lljkk Because she's trying to be something she's not with the OP's children.

I understand why the OP's upset. I would be too.

LanaorAna2 · 26/05/2018 21:43

Is MIL planning to pretend her DGC are dead?

Even the GC who isn't yet born?

You might mention that's what her tattoo - and she - will look like.

Original poster

Dobbythesockelf · 26/05/2018 21:43

I know I shouldn't be annoyed. I think it's just a combination of being a few weeks off my due date and therefore generally pissed off with the world haha and her previous behaviour with telling family I've stopped her seeing dd etc. I know she wants a reaction and she wants to use it as a way of showing to extended family how great a grandma she is. Like I said I don't see her unless necessary so she won't actually get a reaction from me in real life.
I'll probably do my usual tactic of ignore, ignore, ignore but her attention seeking does get old after a while.

OP posts:

TheFirstMrsDV · 26/05/2018 21:56

I have a dickhead of a BIL.
I have never liked him. He has caused loads of problems. Including trying to break me and OH up when I was very first pregnant.

His DS got a tattoo some years ago and put my late DD's name on it. I was a bit taken aback but forgiving. Young people can be quite sentimental about this stuff and tbh they spent a lot of time together when he was very young. Before he moved away.

But his dad, the dickhead BIL had to get involved and announced on FB that he was going to get a new tattoo with DD's name on it and the name of niece who had died.

The fucker couldn't spell either of their names! The children he professed to love SO much that he was going to get them inked.
My DD didn't even like him because of his selfishness and tendency to kick off at family parties.

I commented on his FB post that if he was going to do it he better spell her name right. He want APESHIT at me. He phoned me and told me off for making him look bad.
I told him to fuck off and put the phone down.
I got several phone calls from family members congratulating me

So you have my sympathy Dobby.

kissthealderman · 26/05/2018 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jaxhog · 26/05/2018 22:11

Let her. Then change their names!

lljkk · 27/05/2018 06:42

It's a shame she's fooling extended family... but still not your problem.

SecretStash · 27/05/2018 06:50

To be fair, seeing them 4 times a year (every 3 months) and speaking to your DH every 2 weeks is a very fair amount.
How would you know that all she talks about is herself if you don’t see or talk to her?

I can’t actually pick out anything from this thread that could genuinely make me go “OMG, what a bitch go NC.” At all.

A tattoo is tasteless and rank but that’s about it.

NewYearNewMe18 · 27/05/2018 07:05

I'm sitting her with a face like Elton John at the Royal Wedding - "angels" equates to death with me, still birth in particular, 'grandmas angels' just awful (unless shes part of biker gang)

That said, may be a regional thing, but nonetheless it is a thing I have seen, several of DHs pub mates have tats on their inner wrist when the first grandchild is born, they don't keep this up for the second, third, fourth etc so I presume it's moment of madness thing.

Original poster

Dobbythesockelf · 27/05/2018 07:43

Well she talks to my dh and he talks to me so I know she never asks about him or our dd. She sees her son and grandchild for an hourish every 3 months so in a year she sees her for 4 hours on average.
There are many reasons that I don't talk to her, mainly the lieing, the putting pictures of my child on Facebook when I asked her not to. She has done other things that I can't really mention because they are very outing involving my families property. She ruined the viewing of our wedding photos by turning up, screaming at us that she couldn't afford to buy any and that I was a stuck up bitch. I wasn't sure I was overreacting about the tattoo but I am sure about limiting my contact with her for my own mh.

OP posts:

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 27/05/2018 07:51

I love the fact that I am not the only one whose first thought was 'give her a fake name'. Unity in evil!

If she doesnt see DD often, DD may not out you with the name... give the witch a fake name.

MargotLovedTom1 · 27/05/2018 07:55

She sounds awful but I would just think "Meh...let her get on with it," about the tattoos.

redfairy · 27/05/2018 08:02

You have limited contact with her and the tat will be on her body so I don't see the issue. Certainly don't give it brain space and let it overshadow your pregnancy.

flobella · 27/05/2018 08:29

@Dobbythesockelf Congratulations on your pregnancy. I think Chlamydia Paradise is a beautiful name. Hope your MIL likes her new tattoo!

qwertyuiopy · 27/05/2018 08:31

Chavvytat is a beautiful name 😆

Weareboatsremember · 27/05/2018 08:32

Sounds a lot like my vile mil. I take the high road and ignore her, just letting all communication go through dh

Swearwolf · 27/05/2018 08:44

I'm with lljkk, I don't really see the issue. Let her get on with it. If it's about people thinking she's a more involved grandparent than she is, surely the tattoo will only prompt people to ask after the children and it'll become glaringly obvious that she knows very little about them?

My dad and stepmum are similar, they live a few hours away and we see them once or twice a year. And all they do is talk about themselves. But I'm sure my dad still loves the children in his own way, and if he wanted to talk about them to others like a proud grandad (or display it on his body, whatever), I'd be pretty happy actually.

clarrylove · 27/05/2018 08:47

Tell her it's against GDPR as you don't consent!

lljkk · 27/05/2018 09:00

If asked about the tat she'll just talk about herself again, won't she? Most people do. "Yes I adore being a grandmother. It's wonderful. I feel so happy about it. Nothing has been so fulfilling." Nothing about the actual kids.

I'd laugh at her if she were my MIL. You gotta see some folk as entertainment.

lljkk · 27/05/2018 09:00

**laugh behind her back, obvs.

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