Friends have disappeared

[Amylou2357]

So I have three close friends. One who I am incredibly close to, I’ll call her A. Last year A had a very tough time when her DH cheated on her and at one point left her. They are now back together. During this time I could not have been more supportive. I dropped all plans for my DS christening and immediately went to stay with her as she was bordering on suicidal. I got her out of the house, took her to GP appointments and just generally did whatever a good friend would do to make sure she was okay.

I also helped her out with some money (around £300) as she had none and at the time was taking legal advice. I haven’t got this back yet but I am not too worried as I know not to lend out more than you can afford to lose.

She fully credits me for all of this and often said she would have not survived if not for me and for the help of our other two friends.

Anyway I am not after a martyrdom as I believe that friends stick together in times like this.

Her husband and her are now making a go of things and concentrating on falling back in love. I have never said anything to him about the affair as she asked me not to and even though I would like him to know how bad things got she does not want him to know.

Last month I had a miscarriage quite late on (15 weeks). I have barely heard from A. She posts a lot on social media about going out etc and having fun with other friends. She texts me maybe once a week and has been over twice since.

I am aware I am in a different place to her as she has never experienced anything like this before and does not yet want children.

I have also heard very little from our other two friends (they are both single and younger so I think probably don’t know what to say to me although they have made some effort). I guess I feel most let down by her because we have been like sisters and now it is like she doesn’t need me so contact has dropped.

Aibu to feel a little let down and hurt? I could really have done with someone to talk to these last few weeks but maybe I just need to suck it up and accept she doesn’t really understand what I’m going through? Also I know she has to concentrate on herself and her marriage.

I have my husband and a very supportive family so I do have support.

Sorry this was so long.

I feel for you and I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. If you think she isn't a taker and you value the friendship, just be honest with her and let her know that you needed/need more support than she is offering. People can be very insular and think about their own lives and need reminding to be there a bit more!

I am very sorry for your loss OP and all that you must be going through, and hope you do get the support you need.
Is it possible that your friend, despite the story about being back in love and making a go of it with her husband, could be depressed? It might not be going as well as she hoped. Being depressed might explain her apathy. Hope all goes well for you now.

I am sorry for your loss. Having experienced it, I know the pain.

I don't think you can go back to the fold with your friend, you have seen her at rock bottom and she has chosen to be with the man who put her there. She probably thinks you view her negatively her for that, even if you don't.

@MiddleMoffat I am sad if that is true but I hope it isn’t.
She asked me before they got back together what I would think of her. I said it was up to her and if she thought that she would be happy then I’d support her a million percent. She asked if I would be friendly towards her dh and I said I would follow her lead as it is her decision and not mine. I have never said a bad word to him since everything. They have been to my house for tea and I mentioned nothing. I said I was happy for them and left it at that.

I hope we can fix things as she was such a good friend to me before. I definitely agree something is going on with her MH but all I can do is wait for her to come to me if she wants to discuss that.

I won’t say I’m hurt I’ll just say we have drifted apart a bit and this makes me sad as I need/needed her right now. I don’t want to be accusatory.
Totally the right approach in my view.