So, I have a 12 year old dc with a long ago ex partner. I'm a single mother with no other children. ExP is married with twins 4 years old.
We don't have set plans for access, and usually we give and take amicably. Since the twins came along, it's been more sporadic and this year he has seen our dc only around 4 or 5 times which isn't much at all given that he lives 15 mins away, and closer to dc's school than I do. I don't go looking for him to have dc, neither do I prevent it and usually say yes when he asks unless there is a good reason otherwise. I actively promote a good and friendly relationship between me, dc and his new family and its usually trouble free, although I have niggles about how little interest he takes (rarely goes to my dc's football games, doesn't seem to ask to have him so often). He also pays only £150 per calendar month in child support which is less than if I went to CSA, but I don't want to go down that road. Basically I usually keep quiet for a quiet life and not to cause upset for all.
It was arranged that he picked up dc from achool yesterday and was to have him until 7pm this evening as I had long standing plans with 2 girlfriends to meet today for lunch and a long overdue catch up. I work full time and obviously I have everythubg to do at home too and 95% of child rearing so I don't often get the chance. That's fine, I have no issue with that and am definitely not moaning.
DC called last night to say he had a sore throat and runny nose. I asked if he wanted to come home, but he said he wanted to stay. I text ex p to tell him to give him some paracetamol and to keep and eye and let me know.
I text both dc and ex p this morning to see how he was, and apparently was just runny nose and a bit off feeling, but he wanted to stay for tea and home at 7pm.
Fine.
I was half way into town to meet my friends when exp text to say he was taking dc home now. I didn't read the text until I had parked up in town, so then called dc and he said he was ok and didn't know he was going home. I then called exp, a tad irate and he said that the twins had a party and dc wasn't feeling well, so he was taking him home.
I explained I had plans and also told him exactly how I felt about his lack of seeing dc and running home with him just because he has a sniffle.
Exp, with his wife in the background throwing in insults then proceeded to tell me that he thought it was very unfair that I was suggesting he didn't want to take responsibility for dc and that he cared as much for dc as the twins. It was left pretty nastily and unresolved.
I'm now back at home with my dc who was just dropped at the door without exp evening exiting the car.
Am I being unreasonable to suggest exp should have kept to the plan and taken him home this evening? Am I being unreasonable to also think that ex p has it all on his terms when it suits him? Upset and fed up.
Dc is fine by the way, he has a cold and is now on the sofa with a hot drink.