DP never wants to go anywhere

[VogueVVague]

He started his own small business a year ago and works there 6 days a week.

I love him and we get along great but im getting a bit fed up now.
No weekends away, no holidays. Hes paranoid about losing business and i get it but im just finding it a bit boring. He encourages me to go away with friends and family but it isnt the same is it? I want to go and explore and relax with him.

We were supposed to go away for 3 says in June but anytime i bring it up he gets all kind of evasive about it.

I dont want to push him but at the same time its starting to make me feel resentful.

I moved to his village and i generally have gotten on and made a life for myself here, but i kinda feel like ive had to compromise on where i live, so knowing how important it is to ke to be able to get out, maybe je would make a bit more effort that way?

What do you reckon? Would this be a bit of a dealbreaker for you? Or am i being a bit demanding? I just find it a bit depressing.

I think it's a bit much to expect someone who is in a newly established business to take a whole month off work.

However, it does sound like you have moved to Royston Vasey and are feeling stifled. If he wouldn't even take a week off then I would rethink the relationship.

What would happen if you had DC? Would you be the one doing all the childcare with no support because of his business?

You’re just not a perfect match, OP. You’re adventurous - even the way you moved to his village showed that you’re the one with a bit of oomph.

He likes his business. He’s not that into travelling.

Leave him alone to have his happy pottering life, and move back to your lovelier town, and go on holidays. Then ideally you’ll meet someone who’s more compatible.

I honestly think you should get out of this relationship, however sexy and charming this man is. Firstly, the two of you are fundamentally incompatible - you sound open-minded, energetic and engaged with the world, whereas he wants to live round the corner from Mummy for the rest of his life and probably points at the sky and screams whenever an aeroplane goes over.

I think the key issue is, actually, he is selfish. He wants his life the way it is, with a 'woman' in it who will do the housework and be there for him to stick his dick in. He's got no interest in your wishes, needs, independence and he will get worse, not better. There are other men out there.

I think it’s reasonable to perhaps not be able to take 2 weeks to a month off early on, but weekends or a week once a year, yes, it’s totally doable. We have a business. My dh is 100% the business, no permanent employees or partners (occasionally hires a local student to do some very part time work in busy times, but literally like packing and sending parcels, not someone who could run things when he’s away). We have always still had holidays. He just closes and puts a message on his website that he’s away and responses may be slow). He will take 15 minutes a day when we’re away to respond to any urgent calls or emails, but anything else waits til we get back. We go away a few weekends a year and probably one week. Last year we were in America for 2 weeks. With the exception of events we need to go to (we trade at a lot of festivals in the summer), he doesn’t work weekends unless there is some sort of emergency (like today he’s working because his work van broke down and he got stranded on the side of the road half the day). Weekends are for family time. It took about a year to really settle into that and for him to relax that he was doing enough, but I think it’s absolutely crucial for quality of life. His attitude is that the whole reason he wanted to be self employed instead of slaving away in a 9-5 for someone else was to have flexibility and better work life balance. What’s the point of being self employed if you’re stressed and never see your family? So though there were some stumbling blocks along the way getting started, he’s come to be really careful with protecting family time as family time. I think it’s important to sit down and come up with a plan, how he can make more time on the weekends, how he can take some time away, what the boundaries are. A month long holiday might not be possible, but a few weekends or a week away likely is with some planning. And maintaining good boundaries between work and play is to, so things like not answering emails constantly, turning the phone off after a certain time, scheduling in quality time together where you don’t talk about work. It took us about 12-18 months to find a healthy balance initially though.

It’s never ‘unfair’ to tell someone what you need in order to be happy.

There’s no harm in giving it a go, but I think you’re fundamentally incompatible.

Pretty much what SGB said, but I’d have worded it slightly differently 🤣😂

I feel ‘trapped’ for you. I’m like you, I want to be off exploring places, doing stuff, living...a small village, round the corner from MIL. local boy - local business...it’s lovely for some people, but it makes me feel claustraphobic just thinking about it.

Be bloody sure your contraception is bib & braces, because should you get pregnant you’ll never get out of there.

A friend of mine, 4 years ago, used to tell me how her and her husband had such different view on life. He just wanted to stay in his town, not interested in taking a job outside it, not interested in travel. Whereas she is so vibrant, the kind of person who lives life to the full.

He used to tell her, they shouldn't plan holidays because they needed to save money as they have young DC. He made her turn down a life-changing opportunity that would have meant moving to a new city, as he wouldn't even consider giving it a go. (He was in a minimum wage job, no major reason not to go other than he didn't want to).

The marriage broke down (not because of this specifically but...) 3 years on, she's with someone so much better suited. They're both into travel, going out and having fun. They do so much exciting stuff together. I've lost track of the number of countries they've been to since meeting each other, often with her two DC in tow, who have also enjoyed the adventures.

She's got a decent career, as has her new DP, and they manage to save and have fun.

The ex, meanwhile, has found another homebody to enjoy small town life. They seem happy enough as far as I know.

I have my own business and work 60-70hpw over 6 days. I take 12 weeks off a year thou, I have to or I burn out and am inefficient. He needs to get control over his time and manage his work better.