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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

13 year old was given alcohol by a 16 year old

36 replies

Gingerninj · 25/05/2018 22:41

Trying to be as vage as possible for this but honestly I'm a bit unsure of what to do and some advice could be helpful. A few days ago DD came home very upset, she'd gotten drunk, been sick and was terrified of what might happen from coming home late and drunk. I spoke to her the next day she told she was at the park with her friend, as i already knew (she's 12 and they're both in year 8) year 11 boy they knew from school was there, he had alcohol with him. Offered some to them and here we are in this mess. There's a couple reasons I'm posting this is on AIBU
1- AIBU to feel year 11 student to more to blaim than DD and her friend. Of course im not happy with DD, she knows better than that but the boy should have known better too. I am wondering why he was drinking in a park in the middle of the week and his GCSE's...
2- AIBU to have told the school? I'm aware they can't do much since this was outside of school and the year 11 leaves soon anyway. But I told a senior staff member and i guess the most they can do is tell the boy's parents.

OP posts:

StripySocksAndDocs · 02/06/2018 06:59

Before going to go to the school, I'd have first make sure how accurate the happening to met this boy in the park and how impulsive his offering was. If they do act on it, he may tell a different story.

Also in all honesty, your own daughter was 'drinking in the park mid week'. So whatever you're expecting the school to do surely she's in the some boat? His parents would most likely know he had been drinking when he went home anyway. They'd have dealt with it, or not cared.

I could understand the issue if he was over 18. He bought alcohol and supplied it to a minor. But in reality this situation (for you) is about your daughter and not him (he's his parents problem.)

You and your daughter are just looking for someone to blame for her giving into peer pressure and lack of self responsibility. (Neither trait unusual for a 13 year old.)

RJnomore1 · 02/06/2018 07:06

School would absolutely want to know about this.

I've got serious reservations no one else seems to have mentioned about a 16 year old boy giving alcohol to 13 year old girls.

RJnomore1 · 02/06/2018 07:07

Work on your daughters self esteem so she feels able to say no and tell you.

Pengggwn · 02/06/2018 07:07

amy85

He isn't more to blame, but he is definitely culpable. Giving younger teenagers alcohol isn't big or clever.

Pengggwn · 02/06/2018 07:08

RJnomore1

I mentioned it above but second this - why is he giving them his alcohol? I assume they didn't pay for it. Maybe he is just generous, maybe he isn't.

TheLionRoars1110 · 02/06/2018 07:08

I agree with Stripy! I doubt this was an accidental meet up. You need to have words with your daughter and ensure she knows how to keep herself safe.
School won't get involved I suspect...

Booboostwo · 02/06/2018 07:11

I'd be grateful the whole thing happened as it did. It was a good lesson for your DD in many respects, e.g. be careful who your friends are, don't give into peer pressure, be measured with alcohol. And she learned the lesson with very mild consequences, avoiding serious harm. Almost everyone will mess around with alcohol and most children will learn to be more careful.

RJnomore1 · 02/06/2018 07:12

Sorry Peng I missed that but yes, that would be a real concern and I'd want to explore her relationship with him in more detail.

She wouldn't be going to the park for a while.

Cadencia · 02/06/2018 07:13

I think you were right to tell the school, but now you've done that I would forget about this boy and focus on your DD. The two of you need to figure out why she didn't say no, and try to make sure she would behave differently if this happened again in future.

amy85 · 02/06/2018 11:35

@pengggwn I never said he was more to blame but the op obviously believes he is

Andthatsthat · 02/06/2018 12:09

He is not more to blame, no. He’s a kid, she’s a kid.

I understand you involving the school, however I don’t see what this will achieve.

Your dd is capable of saying no, and I agree with a pp, if she is not capable yet, the park of an evening isn’t the place for her yet.

This is a rite of passage for teenagers, I got drunk in the park as did my friends, teenagers nowadays are no different. She should be punished accordingly, have a good chat with her about her right to say no and why she should be saying no, then you all move on.

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