To think if you're at soft play you don't leave a stranger to parent your child

[Arrowfanatic]

I don't usually go to soft play, loathe them but since my kids school was one of the few that had broken up already I decided to take advantage of the off peak prices and quieter time.

Anyway we had been there about 2 hours and a little girl latched on to my youngest DD whose 5. Ok fine, nice to make friends. My dd asked to go to the toilet so I got my eldest dd (9) to sit at the table with our stuff whilst I took DD5. This girl pipes up that she needs the loo as well. So I say ok go and tell your mum "no, I'll just go with you" she responds. Not entirely happy with this I say she really needs to tell her mum and walk off with DD but this little girl follows. My dd goes into the stall to do her business and this girl tells me she isn't allowed to lock the door so I need to hold it shut, then tells me I have to help her wash her hands. I didn't as it just didn't feel right.

So we're back at our table and I look for this girls mum and there she is with a group of friends chatting away at a far table. Ok no problem with that, I was alone with my book if I'd had friends there I'd have been chatting too.

My kids go back in the big cage thing and I pick up my book, suddenly this girl comes along with those lunch box things you buy at these places, slams it on the table under my nose and says "look after this" and runs off. Kind of in shock I look round expecting to find mum wondering where her dd has run off to with her lunch but nope mum still oblivious.

This girl periodically comes back to my table to eat/drink and disappear again. I suggested she goes and sits with her mum but it was like talking to a brick wall. After an hour I called all my kids back so we could leave (we'd been there around 3 hours by this point) and this girl pushes past me, grabs her lunch and strolls off with it into the soft play cage thing where clearly food shouldn't be. I just upped and left at this point totally bemused by the whole thing.

I'd spent my time regularly checking where my kids were, they were under instruction to reappear at intervals so I know they're ok and not allowed to go back to play until they had eaten their lunch. But this woman must have had no clue what her dd was doing (or didn't care). For the record I had 3 kids with me ages 5, 7 and 9 so I know they can be whirlwinds hence why I give mine instructions on behaviour. But as I say I'm not a regular to these places so maybe I'm expecting too much???

Sounds like that girl was glad that you were giving her attention. I've had that several times at sofplays when I was a childminder. Seemed to end up looking after all the kids!

I suppose she could have, I think part of me was shocked by this girls lack of manners as well. But given her mum's obliviousness maybe it's explainable.

I have no issue helping other kids out and often find kids engage well with me, and I'm ok helping kids in the bathroom or whatever as long as the parent is aware. But I felt I couldn't just go and scrub this kids hands for her as I'm a stranger to her. Incidentally I helped her turn on the tap so her hands were clean but had to draw the line at "can you help me rub the soap in"

She only asked you help wash her hands, not take her home with you 🤣

I get this loads at soft play places. Probably because I'm one of few parents actually paying any attention to their children.

It's more awkward when I'm buying my kids stuff like food or drinks or paying for them to go on the rides and then I get some random child mithering me for money. When I told one boy once to go and ask his mum, the CF told me his mum didn't have any and that's why he wanted some of mine.

This always happens to me! I have a 1 year old so I'm with him all the time, but I always seem to end up with another child with us for the duration while the parent just looks on. Why am I suddenly looking after someone else's child when I just want to spend time with my own?

YANBU.

This kind of thing happens to me a lot. I’ve inadvertently helped kids to the toilet at soft play, read books to them at playgroup etc etc.

I made a similar thread awhile back but plenty of the replies said “well the parent might be busy with another child”. Well yes so am I, I have a 3 year old and a baby I don’t want to be looking after another child that isn’t my own. There’s also a difference between not watching your child every second because you’re with your other child and not having a sodding clue what your child is doing and sitting with your back to them.

On the Facebook page of our local soft play, one of the bad reviews says that the staff weren’t supervising the children enough!

I think it’s fine for my children to make friends in the soft play.

What you have said in your op wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest

I hate this! Happens all the time 🙄 the worst was when my dp, ds and I were in Spain on the beach and building some sandcastles and playing as a family (which doesn't happen often due to work) and a boy around 6 attached himself to us (my ds is 3) while his mum just sat on a sun lounger and stared at us! We went into the sea and ended up making sure this boy didn't drown when he followed us in as none of his family came to play with him or keep him safe. We ended up going back to the resort earlier as we were on holiday to spend time with our child, not someone else's.

None of that would have bothered me tbh. I'd have helped her wash her hands too. Would have been a bit that her mum hadn't noticed her conjbgvovdr to me etc but I wouldn't be bothered by it.

*coming over to me. Stupid phone.

I think YABU. She came with you to the toilets when your child was going. Presumably her mum is happy for her to go on her own so that's fine. If you didn't want to help with hand washing it's no big deal.

She then popped her lunch box on your table rather than her mums. This is slightly unusual but not a bit imposition I'd say.

Just be really direct, "you need to go back to your mum now this is our table, bye". Remove spare chairs / pile your stuff on. Then turn away and disengage. They're not going to pick up on your social cues, so tell them nicely to go away and they will get onto someone else. You need to get the tone right and they will go. I'd have moved the kids box onto next table / nearby bit of floor.

I'd have moved the kids box onto next table / nearby bit of floor

That's mean. Why not back to her mum?

I get that it would be annoying but it’s crazy that you “didn’t feel right” helping her rub soap on her hands! If she’d asked you to wipe her bum, fair enough, but helping to hand wash is not only no big deal and I would have jumped to it and been bloody delighted that this kid wasn’t going to take her germy hands back to the soft play area!

You can't stop other kids from joining in with yours in public places (and why would you want to anyway?), but if you don't want to take on a parental role, then don't. It is that simple.

Get your book/phone out and stop engaging with random kids who won't amuse themselves without adult interaction. They're making a mug of you.

I get that it was just helping her wash her hands but you can never be sure how a parent will react to someone touching their children no matter how innocent it it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to engage with other children and glad my kid made a friend I think it was more the sort of attitude this kid came across as. I couldn't imagine my kids taking their lunch, dumping it in front of another stranger and telling (not asking) telling them to look after it. Even my 5 year old knows how to use manners in public.

Plus I worried that this little girl would go tell her mum "that lady helped me in the toilet" and it would be misconstrued. I'm probably being totally paranoid I know, but it just didn't sit well with me helping a child that didn't know me and who her parent didn't know.

Why not just go over to the mother and ask if she has any idea what her child has been doing/where she has been for the last hour. Hate this sort of lazy, entitled parent who assume everyone else will love to look after their precious little Johnny while they gossip with friends and do 0 parenting. Would definitely have called her out on it.

Plus I would have wondered where my kid was wandering off to with her lunch! I wasn't sat close to this lady's table, she couldn't see where we were unless she stood up to look over the hall. I'm always worried my kids will choke so they sit down at a table and eat sensibly, god forbid this kid walked into the cage with her grape in her mouth and choked.

"Would definitely have called her out on it."

Called her out on what? Taking her kid out to soft play, and buying them a packed lunch? What a cunt. Someone call the NSPCC.

Maybe she was sat there wishing you'd stop encouraging her DD to hang around strangers instead of playing with her friends.

saucyjack I never said anywhere that I wanted my children to stop joining in with other children. In fact I stated the opposite really not sure where you got that from?? Every time this girl came to sit at my table after dumping her lunch under my nose she was alone, my children were still playing in the cage.

For the record I did keep trying to read but I'm also not so rude as to just ignore her. I kept saying she should take her lunch back to her mum's table.

I have had this lots at soft plays. But it was a childminder ignoring the child not her mum!

I know what you mean op. Dump and run parents are a night,are. No problem helping a child with something but it’s not on when their parents have no interest in supervising / monitoring their kids.

I would have just helped her and thought no more of it.
Five year olds go on their own to toilet at school.

How old would you say she was? To be honest her level of confidence in saying ‘look after this’ and then not really minding when you left suggests this is something she’s used to doing.

It only takes a couple of well meaning strangers to pay her a bit of attention for her to realise they are ‘better’ than her own mum and to start doing it everywhere.

SaucyJack

No, call her out on shoddy parenting. OP could be a fucking weirdo (sure you're not OP) and this parent let her child out of her sight to go off with her to the loo or god knows where else. That's just bullshit. She probably didn't even notice her child had left the room.