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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know what to do about GM

9 replies

quicknamechange11 · 25/05/2018 14:25

Apologise as this might be long, and don't really know what I'm looking for but hoping someone could shed a bit of light as to what I could do moving forward.

Growing up I was very close to my GM, she was always kind and looked after me and my siblings a lot.
She is now in her late 70s and has become almost unbearable over the last year or so.

Up until about 6 weeks ago I was visiting her with my children about 4 times a week but have had to scale this down to 1 and she is so terrible to be around I can't bear it much longer.

She is disgustingly homophobic, to the point where I have had to leave as it is really distressing.

She is aggressive in the way she speaks and acts and also towards my children. For example, if my daughter isn't listening and is playing with her sibling etc she will grab her quite forcefully by the arm. I now can never leave them for as much as two minutes when we're at her home as she seems to do this when I'm in the kitchen etc and can then hear DD crying.

She lies and argues about EVERYTHING. Literally. You could say the sky is blue and she would argue that it is pink. You could say you stubbed your toe and she would say she's just got back from the doctors because she's broke hers.

She doesn't have a nice word to say about anyone. Her neighbours are talked horribly about, other family members, people who happened to be on the same bus as her, people in shops. It's really bad.

What would you do? Could she have something wrong with her? She is a complete hypochondriac and is at the doctors as least 6-8 times a month. They have had to tell her to stop coming over the same things but she just makes something else up, because as far as they're concerned, she is fine.

I really dread the day to come around that I have to go again but feel like I can't stop going as she has been so generous to me growing up. She is just turning into such a horrible woman. All of the family who visit regularly have noticed and just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
SparklySeashell · 25/05/2018 14:27

Do you think she could have dementia or something like that? Had she seen her GP if this is a fairly recent change?

SparklySeashell · 25/05/2018 14:27

Ah, I see she has seen the GP, many times Sad

Wellthisunexpected · 25/05/2018 14:37

Personality changes are symptoms of mini strokes and dementia. Get her checked out.

Wellthisunexpected · 25/05/2018 14:38

Sparkly but if she hasn't told the GP what is actually wrong, rather than what she perceives to be wrong with her, they are unlikely to consider such things.

rebelrosie12 · 25/05/2018 14:40

Yes my first thought was dementia. Someone had to go with my grandma to explain the symptoms as she wasn't really aware.

TheDairyQueen · 25/05/2018 14:41

It could be loneliness of sorts, or a symptom of a much larger problem. Have you asked her outright what the problem is?

I'd be concerned about an organic cause with such an abrupt change in behaviour.

ClareB83 · 25/05/2018 14:42

My friends mum had this and it was the result of a stroke. Definitely get her checked out specifically for this personality change.

hammeringinmyhead · 25/05/2018 14:45

My step-grandma became like this and was eventually diagnosed with depression when she attempted suicide (I am not at all saying she will, but I am saying it's not automatic that 70s = dementia). The Dr hadn't picked up on this because she was always going in for heart palpitations, coughs, and other physical symptoms.

katmarie · 25/05/2018 14:53

She probably isn't describing all of this to the Gp, and if they don't know her well they would not have been able to detect any changes in her. Is there someone who can go with her? Failing that can you call her doctor? They won't discuss her with you but may well allow you to describe your concerns about her to them, and be more informed the next time she goes along to them.

I will say though, whether it's depression, dementia, or a mini stroke or something else, you might need to prepare yourself that this is the way she is now, she may never go fully back to being the old her. She may also need care and support, and you might need to look into how that can be put in place for her. It's horrible, but it's something you may need to start getting to grips with. I'm sorry I don't have more positive thoughts for you.

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