To not want my mother at my wedding

[Comps83]

I never thought I’d get married but now I’m less than 3 months til the big day. My mother has been an alcoholic for 20 years and has caused a mountain of shit, pushed everyone away. Her own husband, (my father) , me , her brother , friends etc.
Everyone else gets on fine. I’m going to sit dad with her brother as they still get on great.
She’s so poisonous .
Only ever contacts me when drunk
I’ve tried to help her but she won’t help herself . Everything about the wedding has been about her. Her feelings . The world is against her etc.
She can’t see that the booze is the problem but she won’t seek help
I can’t look forward to it as she is this big black cloud hanging over it.
Anyone else banned a parent from their wedding? Sounds harsh but I’m exhausted with her behaviour

Exactly . She knows when and where the wedding is, I've already got plenty of people watching out for her. If I say she can't come she will probably turn up anyway .

I probably should have mentioned too that she lives over an hour away from me so it's hard to catch her sober and not at work face to face. Thanks for the support guys . I won't let it ruin my day

Can you report her at work or at least call the police when her violent, drunken antics get too much? A visit from the police might be the short sharp shock that she needs.

You need to ask a friend or relative to be her 'keeper' for the day. At a friends recent wedding, a group of uncles took responsibility for babysitting the troublemaker. Shuffling him out of the room at appropriate times. Getting him a beer that was actually non alcoholic unbeknowest, and so on. It's a shit task but one they took on for their niece to have her day.

I agree with telling her she can't come and having someone police the door.

Sadly, even if she's sober she may not be able to behave. There is such a thing as a "dry drunk". These people exhibit alcoholic behaviours even though they aren't actively drinking.

Long-term, if you haven't already, you might see if there is the option to join an Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) group in your area. These groups offer support to people who have loved ones with alcoholism.

This all sounds super stressful and not at all what you need. This probably isn't practical but I'm wondering if videoing her drunk and letting her watch it sober might be a way of lovely sober mum having the information she needs to see that she would ruin your day?

In the early years yes I did think of recording her and playing it back when she was sober but the only contact I have now is drunken texts and only see her about 3 times a year. I honestly think she is a lost cause . You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink . I have a big team of ppl looking out for her on the day .
Reasons I haven’t just said , no you can’t come is for my grandmas sake and the fact she will tell everyone I didn’t invite her but will leave out her part in this.
Just hoping for a miracle