To be feeling a bit sorry for myself

[idlikemoresleep]

Ok yes. Yes I am being unreasonable I know I am I just wanted a moan 😂
Quick background- I'm 36 - I've been properly single for around 6 months now although prior to that was in a bit of a toxic relationship which I'm glad to be free of (posted on here before about ex with drink problems etc)
Before him I was with my ex husband for 14 years and while all that was "nice" and on paper we were the perfect couple I felt trapped and in a pretty mundane and loveless marriage.
Now I'm mostly rocking the whole enjoying my own company thing, learning to love myself and all that gubbins and most of the time I genuinely am happy with myself but then I keep getting hit by these sudden bouts of wanting some love and to be sharing my life with that special someone.
I have friends, a good relationship with my kids dad so I do have free time to do things for myself and I try to fill this time as much as possible. I have hobbies, I have horses so ride them, I run, keep fit etc... but it's not quite the same is it?
Doesn't help that I have a massive crush on someone who I thought felt the same but has recently started dating someone else along with that I'm helping one of my best friends plan her wedding and my oldest friend of all time who has been single since forever is now all loved up too! Had a day out with my sister planned for this weekend, nice walk in the sunshine with the dogs and lunch at a country pub etc but she's just cancelled on me because her boyfriend has surprised her by taking the day off work to treat her to a day out somewhere. I never had anything like that in either of my relationships that I mentioned so i don't regret being without them but I'm just feeling all huffy and jealous and grumpy and .... well a bit sad
*Disclaimer - I know this is a self pitying post and I know there are far worse things going on in the world.
If anyone else is feeling sorry for themselves or wants a general chat or has anything at all to say to distract me from my misery please feel free! If not I'm off to watch something rubbish on the television 😬

Bump..... 💁🏼‍♀️

Yanbu we all need a bit of a wallow sometimes.

Congratulations on getting out of relationship that weren't working for you.

Good things will come your way

Just read it back and realised what a horror I sound! I'm genuinely happy that my friends have found happiness and are in good relationships even if I do feel a little bit like Annie from bridesmaids at the moment! 😂
And yeah I know I'm talking to myself, find myself doing that a lot at the moment too!

OP, I was you at 35, but without the DC. I spent lots of nights being sad about it after going out with friends and returning to my empty flat.

Then I met DP after years of fuckwits, and it changed overnight!

Now we have 2 kids and a house together. I'm v happy, but I do miss being single and the silly selfish things you can do, like having the bed to yourself; eating nothing but pasta covered in melted cheese and then a tub of ben and jerry's; going away or out with friends whenever I felt like it... you'll have different things you enjoy and different amounts of time, but I suggest focussing on loving those things now.

Because you can, and because you'll miss them when you do meet someone great!

Aww thank you! Yes I suppose that's what I'm doing having a bit of a wallow. It's just suddenly hit me that everyone around me seems to be ridiculously loved up and I'm just planning days out with the dog 😂

I know what you mean OP. I would say I am happily single now but it doesn’t mean that I don’t get pangs from time to time, wishing I could meet someone special and have a good relationship for once!

When I get these feelings, what I do is think about how much time I spend being unhappy now. It isn’t much. Just every now and then. I then compare it to how much time I was unhappy in my relationships and that puts it into perspective, because there were far more unhappy times in my relationships than I have now.

Anyone, be they single or in a relationship, isn’t happy 100% of the time. There are always pro and cons to being single or being coupled up. I have learnt to accept that sometimes I will feel unhappy, but that it will pass and I’ll be back to loving my life again. When you feel down just be extra kind to yourself, have a treat and tell yourself it’s ok to feel that way but that it will go away.

Thanks @WittyJack

Good to know there's hope for me yet! I'm hoping my time will come and I am trying to just enjoy being single and not dwell on the fact I'm alone. I don't often think about it but just times like this weekend when my plans have been cancelled just kinda hits you. Just so happens that virtually every one of my friends are also busy with stuff this weekend so I'm just going to take the dog out somewhere in the middle of nowhere and walk the grumpiness off!

I think there's a few thunderstorms forecast for Sunday. Perfect opportunity to curl up with a good book or film.
Everyone's allowed a wallow now and then.
If the sun does show it's face, take the dog for a nice long walk or the horse for a ride

@Storm4star

Thanks for your reply :) i can relate to what you're saying.
It is just a sudden pang usually triggered by seeing something
You're right though, generally in myself I am happier than I was in my relationships. And I know that comes across in my parenting too.

Why don't you make a really good playlist for your walk??

I think there are few turds in life that really good music can't polish a bit!!!

@IamaBluebird

That sounds perfect!