To Take The Money From DSC

[RainAtLast]

For DPs Birthday present.

DP & I have been together for 3 years & lived together for 18 months.

He has 2DC (14 & 17). The eldest barely speaks to me despite the fact he is with us EW. I’ve tried. I always get their favourite food in, go out so they can have time with their DF but he is incredibly rude to me.
When we were out for lunch recently he refused to sit next to me or opposite me.

It’s DPs Birthday next week. I spoke to his DCs regarding a present because in 3 years they have bought him the same present every occasion (b’day, Father’s Day & Christmas). DP is of course always happy & grateful.

I suggest a bottle that I know he would love, I asked their budget & offered to buy on their behalf.

I now feel guilty taking the money from them ( if they offer it)

DP only ever gets a present from me & his DC I just wanted him to feel special but now I feel like I’ve interfered

Just let them buy him what they always buy him.

I think it was a nice thought but it might be prudent to just let them get their original gift (or maybe they can get that in addition to the nice bottle and don't take money off them for the bottle)

Just let them buy what they want. If he’s happy what’s the problem

A cupboard full of mugs.

If they offer take it but I wouldn’t press for it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with helping them to branch out if you think it’s laziness/thoughtlessness but remember you can’t force them to show that they care or make them more interested and in the long run it’s more effective to help him to deal with any feelings he might have about them and keep leaving space for their relationship as you are doing.

Not your place

Why is dsc such an arse to you? Did his dad break up with his mum for you?

They buy him a mug every time?

A mug every time

No DP didn’t break up because of me

It's none of your business what they get him, definitely don't interfere. If I was the step child I would really resent you doing this. You buy him what you want, and let them do what they want.
My dad used to do this before mothers day, it completely took the joy out of it for me.

Why offer if you weren’t going to ask for the money? They haven’t asked you to do this - it was entirely your call. Maybe they’re wondering why you stuck your oar in.

Ok - thanks for the replies

I hear that I’ve been out of order. I’ll let them get on with it.

You weren’t being out of order, you were trying to be kind and thoughtful to ensure dp got a nice gift and to help out his dc if they were stuck for ideas.

I’d take the money if they take you up on the offer. You could always make a show of using it to buy a nice cake or something.

Tbh, if the eldest is that much of a brat whatever you offer would have gone down like a cup of cold sick

I think you did the right thing. Who wants 3 more mugs every year, how unoriginal. The bottle is a better present and of course they should pay for it.

I know it's not the point of the thread but I'd be more concerned about the 17 year old's treatment of you, not a shoddy mug. I know teens can be a difficult breed but he's out and out treating you with contempt.

We don't even do presents! Don't assume the mug is a bad present and plenty of us are not materialistic and would prefer not to get presents. Alcohol anyway is the root of all evil for many so the idea that people give it as presents will not always go down well in some families.

Does your DP not pull his son up on his dreadful manners and behaviour?

Presumably OP knows her family’s attitude to alcohol? (If it even is that. Could be aftershave!)

I don’t think ywbu. I do think is unreasonable to accept such poor treatment of you. DH should be saying something.

DP has had words . We have better moments. The DSS looked at me when he answered a question last week & said hello !!
DP definitely has conversations with them as he notices how hurt I am.

I never wanted to interfere, I just wanted to help both sides out

& alcohol is not a problem.

If their df is happy getting 3 mugs a year and grateful for them then just let buy the mugs!
It’s only the op who doesn’t want them to get the mugs. Maybe they see their dad being happy and grateful for his mugs and think they’ve got a winning formula

At their age they have to chose and buy their own gifts for their father (that is assuming that they decide to give him a gift at all).

As to this ...

"A cupboard full of mugs."

www.google.co.uk/search?q=coffee+mug+planters&sa=X&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&ved=0ahUKEwidwq73pZ_bAhXKI8AKHTXLAwYQsAQIJg&biw=1322&bih=610

I’m an adult and my stepmother of 5 years took it upon herself to get my dad to suggest things for his birthday/xmas after 33 years of just getting what he was given as he can afford anything he wants.
It really pissed me off. I’ll buy what I can afford and do not require her to tell me what to buy. Leave them be.