Grown up kids

[PollyPofter]

My niece is 26 lives in Southampton - was having psychosis and unwell - lives on own - her friend contacted my sister and informed her she required help or supervising - my sister was away in Norfolk and didn’t feel she should come back to help care for her! I think this is wrong and she should of come home to get her the helped she needed! I didn’t know about any of this until she was admitted to a assessment ward, I live 30 minutes away, and felt my sister should of come home early from her holiday AIBU

Yes I think you are being U. Presumably your sister has had many years of supporting her daughter, and maybe she desperately needed a break? If she interrupted this holiday, when would she get another chance to relax? Part from which, her daughter is a grown up? Maybe you could lend a hand, instead of being so judgy?

It's impossible to say really without knowing the situation. I imagine if it were me I'd almost definitely come back but I certainly wouldn't judge your Sister, especially from the little information given.

Were you expected to step in for your sister to help your DN so your sis could finish her trip? If not, and if DN is an adult who lives alone, there’s not much you can do or say.

If she is in an assessment ward then how can your sister "help care for her" the drs and nurses and mental health team will be the ones doing that..

If your niece has a history of me talk health issues then maybe your sister is drained from always being the one to help her and she might feel she needs a break away to relax and recharge...she knows where her daughter is and can get updates from the hospital staff by calling them..

It's your sisters decision, and at a time like this it's best to focus in your niece...plus if you are nearer to your niece (30 mins away), and her mum is currently overseas on holiday, what is stopping you going to visit, ?..you are her family too, if you feel that strongly about it why don't you go and visit until her mum gets back?

*mental health..not me talk health

Maybe your sister has been trying to help deal with this for some years without success. Could it be that she has reached the point where she just can't take anymore? Perhaps that is why she didn't come back.

Try not to judge. It sounds like a very tricky situation, and we hardly have the bare bones of it here.

@PollyPofter you missed out parts of the story here.

Does she have a history of mental health problems? How do you get on with your niece?

If your niece has a history of mental health problems then it is clear your sister needs a break which is why she hasn't decided to come home.

If you get on with your niece as she is family then you should step up and help out.

Being a carer for anyone is hard especially if they have mental health problems. I use to randomly have to sit with one of my siblings' friends' siblings because everyone else was exhausted from dealing with her, and she was only staying with this sibling because her other relations needed a break.

Elderflower, the niece is in Southampton and the mother is on holiday in Norfolk. Still in the UK, not overseas.

The point still stands though that the OP's sister might have been struggling with this for some time and need a break.

I couldn’t help as was not informed until my sister came home and told me and I would have defo stepped up.

Mental health issues are very recent so it not been an ongoing issue, she had only been seen by GP and was on antidepressants in past 6 months.

I was not being judgy I apologise if it came across like that, she wasn’t put into assessment ward until my sister came home, and took her to AE, If I knew earlier I would of come down and taken her to the AE myself. I just felt if that was my daughter and she was that ill and it was a new thing, out of blue psychosis and suicidal - I would of come back. Maybe I am BU - I just wanted other view points on the situation.

Maybe she didn’t grasp the severity of the situation? Especially if it’s a new thing. Most don’t. My family certainly didn’t until I was admitted to the ward and zombied up to my eyeballs on medications.

My DS’ gf had some very significant mh issues last year, though not psychosis. I have to confess to being really upset that her parents didn’t step up and look after her. They are very big on family fb love-ins but when she absolutely needed their support there was little sign of them

That said I don’t know the whole story and nor do you. I did find it odd and upsetting though.