about the mean spiritedness on mumsnet at times?

[crispymuffintops]

If someone posts about feeling bad about how lovely a friends marriage seems it is met with replys saying things like ooh you don't know what goes on behind closed doors, or my friend appeared to have the perfect marriage but her husband was a serial cheat etc, etc.

Or is someone has a nice house or lifestyle they are all up to their eyes in debt and on the brink of losing it all.

Some who looks good for their age will be told no matter what age they are "I looked good too when I was your age then it al went south when I was _ insert some random older age and so on.

If someone posts about about their lifestyle i.e. they cook from scratch, never gain weight etc within the context of a reasonable post or question it always seems to be met with cries of doughnuts and stealth boast.

Before I ever ventured onto mumsnet I heard it was a nest of vipers (or like crabs in a bucket) and while there are many nice, helpful posters their is a lot of sniping, nastiness and bullying.

Why is this behaviour so prevenlent on mumsnet is it really just home to a lot of miserable people who can't believe that anyone has any happiness or good fortune?

I do think some posters treat AIBU as an opportunity to tear down other women just because they don't happen to think or live the same way, sadly. Often wonder if people use AIBU put-downs to vent their spleens when they're having a bad day, tbh. It's a pity because it taints the positivity and support many other posters display towards others.

If you don’t like it you can go elsewhere OP. I’m sure there’s another forum for mums who prefer glitter and pink and no swearing is allowed. Maybe try there.

[grin]@Fekko

I have had some amazing support on mn in previous guises. If I don't like a thread - I don't post.

I agree OP. I think posters sometimes forget that real people are behind these threads! apart from when it's a journalist

I saw one the other day about a woman feeling sad that her husband didn't support her birth plan and nearly everyone was telling her either horror stories or that she was naive and they didn't agree with her birth plan either. Way to support a new expectant mother!

And the "too fat/too thin" ones are usually pretty bitchy too.

However, in a weird way I sometimes use mn as a moral compass. If I'm about to react to something, I might ask myself if mn users would think I was being u reasonable and it usually stops me making an idiot of myself

Fuckitbucket13

*@watcherintherye no I'm not. I swear a bit but the amount of fuc*ng in every sentence is too much.

This has really amused me, thank you

You do swear in every single post. So I'm assuming you're joking

This is true. I've been here over 10 years and it has got worse over the years.

There are fabulous corners of mumsnet with very encouraging and supportive posters.

I think most people here are just HONEST. And that can be a bit of a shock.

But the swearing - just awful. Especially the c-word.

I think most people here are just HONEST

It's perfectly possible to be honest without putting posters down or invalidating them the way some do on here.

@crispymuffintops - MN is a microcosm of society, so if you look, you are going to find most of the good and bad things that exist in society here on MN. It isn’t some magical place that has only the good things about society. But you do have a choice - you can focus on all the negative things, or you can look for the positive things - the huge amounts of support given to new parents, to breastfeeding mums, to formula feeding mums, to people with disabilities or whose children have disabilities or SEN, to people with mental health issues, to people who have been bereaved - the list goes on and on.

I am part of the Woolly Hugs project, which started and has its home on MN - it began as a group project to make a blanket for a MNer whose little boy died - to try to offer some comfort, and it just grew - I don’t know how many blankets we have made for MNers who have lost a child or a spouse, and we also knit blankets for the Children of Chernobyl project, for women undergoing breast cancer treatment, for children with cancer in Africa, for children in hospitals in the UK, for premature still born babies - and we hold online craft fairs to raise money for a range of charities.

If you see things that you think are mean-spirited, challenge them, or balance them out with a positive comment. If they are offensive, or personal attacks, report them.

Yes, there is nastiness on MN - but I choose to focus on the wonderful and amazing things MN does. You can’t change all of society - but you can choose what you give your attention to.

MN is a microcosm of society

No. No it's not.

suppose it is probably reflective of british culture.

Yabu for that remark

Would you say that about any other culture?

From what I have seen, this website can be a great place. So supportive. So informative.

But, sometimes, there's no need for the awful comments that seem to crop up lots on here. I can't believe what I read!

I think that @bringincrazyback has gotten it spot on!

@oddquestion100 - if you don’t like the word microcosm, how about the word reflection instead? My point remains - most traits, characteristics and characters which exist in society will exist on MN too - the good, the bad and the indifferent.

As I said - when we see nastiness or meanspiritedness, we can challenge it or counter it - and we can look for, and contribute to all the good that is on MN.

In case you were unaware OP, there's an X in the top right corner - click on it if you don't like it. How many of these moany whiny threads do we need on here? There's one every bloody week.

As for you Fuckitbucket13 I nearly spat out my wine after reading you complain about the swearing with a name like that

Agree with the “there’s need to be here” and “are we meant to be sugar and spice because we’re mainly women here?” posts^^.

Sorry, I cba to quote properly on my phone!

*no need

Ffs. My phone hates me.

SDTG
I disagree with you that this site reflects a cross-section of society. Any one not normalised to it by plenty of exposure can see that, hence the reputation it has.

So no I don't think mumsnet is full of bikers.

I know it’s a typo but I just had a giggle at the mental image of hundreds of bikers in full leather kit turning up and going, Hold on, how did we get here?

Sorry, as you were.

If you expected just hugs and unicorns and rainbows, then no, MN is not the place for you. At least, AIBU isn’t. I hate to repeat a cliche, but another forum called Netmums might suit you better. They’re more into the “aw, hun” kind of thing.

I love it. When I'm feeling shit about life, I come on Mumsnet and see the absolute weirdos and thundercunts that post here, their nonsense and bizarre opinions, I'll argue a bit with them, they make themselves look even worse and I laugh to myself while contemplating that life is actually OK, as I'm not a complete fuckbucket.

Of course, it's great for support too and not everyone is a twat, far from it, but the utter strangeness of some is fab too.

And I cunting love swearing.

And it hurt me to type ‘hun’, I’ll just add. I did that for you, OP. That was supportive, right?

Fekko

The crab bucket is an analogy used at some length in Terry Pratchett's Unseen Academicals (I think. Maybe. Or it could've have been the one about fashion. One of the later ones anyway).

It describes a local culture/attitude of tearing down and sabotaging people who are trying to better themselves. Imagine a load of crabs in a fish-seller's bucket. If they worked together they could easily escape, but they have only a very narrow view and are too busy trying to get tiny victories over each other. They don't see that they're all collectively fucked* if they don't help each other.

so sorry, fuckitbucket13*

You're all a bunch of Pratchett reading BIKERS

Ok, I do swear a little more than I thought & I'd forgotten what my user name was