Child Contact Drop Off Change

[TKBGH190]

Person A: Child's 60% Resident Parent
Person B: Child's 40% Resident Parent

Person A and Person B have a strained relationship.

Person B had child and was due to return child at 7pm to other home. Contact times / dates / locations are pre-arranged per court order.

Person A text Person B at 5pm to request that child be dropped off at work instead of home.

Person B did not see message.

Person B rings doorbell at 7pm and home is empty. At that point they check phone and see message. Reply "sorry have just seen message...at the house just now... will take child to the park and Person A can text when are home"

Person A replies "on the way and will be there in 20 minutes (7:30)"

Person B advises they are now at park anyway so will bring child back at 8pm.

Person A replies that 8pm is too late for a school night and to bring back immediately so child can stick to required routine.

It is now world war 3.

WIBU?

Moggy person B didn't get the message until they were already at the park, ten minutes later. So would have had to leave the park immediately in order to get back for 7.30. It's really unfair on a child to take them to a park and then leave as soon as they get there! This way person B has clearly said to the child that they can have half an hour of playing, which seems fair.

Person A needs to get a grip. They were not where they were supposed to be at the time they were supposed to be there. Person B showed up in time. Wondered where they were and took alternative action. Person A has no right to be angry because person B did not jump when asked to. Not everyone is glued to their phones. Person B was driving/with the child at the time. If bedtime routines were that important, person A should have been on time.

Person A is a twat.

Person A is the one that I know (actually know B too but only through A).

Person A recently withheld child contact for 6 weeks from Person B after Person B said they wanted all correspondence to be via email going forward. Person A went through a solicitor and said that until Person B's communication improved contact would not be agreed (although I gather it was the method of communication that wasn't agreeable rather than the actual communication itself...)

I'm starting to think it's A who has the communication problem, not B, and I say that as A's confidant ???

Person B also had child's two younger half siblings (1 toddler, 1 baby) in the car at the time if that's relevant.

Sounds to me like A is setting B up to look unreasonable. Hope B has full records for when A tries to claim B is breaching contact order by returning the child late.

Person A IBU, they should have made sure the text was received and understood - if not made a phone call to ensure.

Person B was not BU infact was going out of his/her way to ensure child was safe and enjoying time until Person A rocked up.

A difference between 7/7.30 and 8pm is negligible.

Grow up and learn to co-parent esp with a 60/40 split.

when A tries to claim B is breaching contact order by returning the child late.

A is actually the one who breached the order. The child was supposed to be dropped at home at 7pm, so they needed to be there at that time. They can't just send a message and say 'drop them somewhere else'. If they were 'on the way' and it was going to be another 20 minutes, then their work is 20+ minutes away, so they are demanding the other person drive at least 40 minutes extra (with a baby and a toddler in the car) because of their inability to be where they need to be.

You can't demand the other person be flexible for you, when you are unable to be flexible yourself.

Person A recently withheld child contact for 6 weeks from Person B after Person B said they wanted all correspondence to be via email going forward. Person A went through a solicitor and said that until Person B's communication improved contact would not be agreed (although I gather it was the method of communication that wasn't agreeable rather than the actual communication itself...)

This is appalling behaviour. Person A is using the child as a pawn in a battle she/he is having with the child's other parent. Really really damaging behaviour, and the one who suffers most is the child.

Is person A very bitter about the split from B? It sounds poisonous.

To be honest half the things I hear makes me think they're as bad as each other... I feel like I should be stepping in somehow to protect child but also don't feel it's my place.

Yes very acrimonious separation. A left B. B got in to another relationship very quickly and eventually had more children and got married. A is also now in a long term relationship but there will be no more children on that side.

Finding it increasingly difficult to sympathise with A... needed a bit of outside perspective.

Thank you MN.