To worry some parents don't take the 13 reasons why warnings seriously [Contains Spoilers - Edited by MNHQ]

[peterpiperpickle]

I've watched the whole thing and it is so graphic and hard to sit through at some points. The graphic rape scene in the last episode was actually horrific, I had to skip through it.
It is rated 18, rightly so in my opinion but I have a 12 year old cousin who said that everyone in her year has watched and one girl even got into trouble for recording "copycat tapes" on her phone and threatening suicide as a 'prank'. When I asked her Mum about it she said it cant be that bad or they wouldn't be allowed to show it. I think that's a shocking attitude to have but apparently plenty of parents share her view.
I think it's important to start a conversation and shed light on many taboo topics such as male on male sexual assault but I do wonder if attitudes like this will cause it to do more harm than good? I also wonder how many teens will actually go to their parents like the show recommends if something in it effects them? I'm just glad my baby is still a baby and I don't have to worry yet. If your child watches I really do think it's a good idea to discuss it with them. Anyone else have the same worries?

Hi all,

We've just added a little spoiler warning to the title - season two has only just been released and so not everyone has caught up yet.

i've not seen the series, but I have read the book, and so has my ds (early teen). i actually think that the book deals really well with a lot of the more mature themes - the ideas of the drip-drip effect; the suggestion that reaching out can make a difference; that there are lots of moments where peers can positively intervene; that other people's lives are a closed book; that sometimes adults get it wrong and can make huge, unforgiveable mistakes.

i thought us both reading it opened up a conversation that we probably needed to have about suicidal ideation, depression and (actually) consent and responsibility. it is wrapped up in a plot that isn't always easy reading, but if you wait until they're too old then they'll have seen it and done it before they've ever thought about it and you've missed the boat to talk to them about it in any kind of prophylactic way.

that said, i wouldn't let him watch the tv show. tv exists to create excitement and to entertain, and I image quite a lot of the less "sexy" stuff (the important stuff) gets lost in the "what happens next".

have to admit I'm questioning why I censor internet and tv but not books.

don't think you're unreasonable to worry, but your kid is a baby and you're not at the stage where you've lost control of their life and habits. ime most parents aren't willfully putting their kids at risk: they're trying to strike the subtle balance between helping them grow up and not making them weird or different in comparison to their peers.

I think the second series goes a lot further than the first (and the book) though - I definitely wouldn't watch the final episode with a pre teen, or at least I would watch first and then decide from there. I do think the first was suitable for opening up themes around suicide and self harm, this one not so much.

Yes, real life is shocking but the themes in seasons have moved away from the suicide itself and it's a lot more sexually orientated.

I agree it would be a lot better to read the book (or other good books who deal with "real life" subjects) than watching TV dramas covering similar themes. Books can explain and deal with things in a much more profound way and TV is often shallow, manipulative and distorting.

Bettyfood I didn't say a PIN was a guide but it will stop younger children from watching what is clearly marked as an 18. It also allows you to watch these things yourself (or even just google it) before your child does and make an informed decision about whether it is suitable.

eniledam - Do you think it's appropriate for a 12 yr old?

If this programme saves just ONE youth from suicide

It's possibly just as likely to contribute to a suicide...

You can't blame a show for self harming

Some studies suggest that actually you probably can...

I thought the book was irresponsible and 100% unrealistic drivel.

I have discussed it in depth and watched it with my teenager. Everyone else was watching it and so we watched it together.

I have some younger siblings between 12 and 16 still at school who have watched it.
I think it important. It’s definitely opened a discussion between them about how their school colleagues interact and how to deal with that. They now realise that some of their own behaviours could have been negatively effecting those around them.
As someone who has attempted suicide before in the past, I think it’s a really good series and one that in years to come when my children are older, i will watch with them.

I was 14 years old and I swallowed 72 paracetamol. That was over 25 years ago, my kids aren't allowed to watch this show and th e respect me enough to do as they are are told.

@notumbongo a discussion about what though? About how if you're nice to people then no one will commit suicide? Because sure, it helps, but as someone who suffers with depression and has had suicidal thoughts that's just part of it. This show does not discuss mental health at all. It doesn't even explore the idea that Hannah was more than likely depressed or in some way mentally ill. Maybe they should start a discussion about that. Also what mental help is Alex getting for his suicide attempt, do we see him going to a counsellor? Discussing his diagnosis? No we just assume he decided to end his life because he felt bad and that there was no underlying issues, which is extremely uncommon.
Also as someone who was sexually abused for years I don't see the whole "it will encourage people to report their abuse to the police" either. It took me years to do so and if anything this show would have stopped me from doing it. SPOILER Jessica goes through so much and has to relive her whole experience for Bryce to get 3 months probation? It may be realistic but it's pretty soul shattering for someone going through all the pain of what she had to in real life.
Honestly I enjoyed parts of it and found them entertaining, other parts I felt like they just wanted the shock factor and the headlines and it is honestly irresponsible. Some scenes e.g the assault in the last episode were unnecessarily graphic and triggering, almost as if they were trying to shove in every single shocking thing they could in to make a point.
I don't know, that's just me. I definitely wouldn't encourage my kids to watch it, there are way better shows/films that explore mental health with more sensitivity, realism and class. I can't see this show helping more people than it hurts

I am farvtondrunk to respond to you tonight, I will do tomorrow promise 😆

Although I can see the argument for portraying 'issues' with sensitivity and class, I don't think it's realistic. Living with sexual assault, depression or with someone who has attempted suicide is shocking, unsettling, chaotic.
13 Reasons is bleak. The bad people aren't punished. The others are left struggling. But that is life. And actually you have to find your own truth, your own sense of purpose, your own meaning regardless of how unfair life feels.

I have read the book but not seen the TV series. I don't remember the book being particularly graphic with any rape scenes. I wonder why TV programme makers think because people are actually watching something rather than reading it they should make it much more visual. Do people really want to watch someone being raped? Obviously some horrible people will but most won't. I haven't watched a 'serious grown up drama' for years because so many seem to be all about how graphic they can make the violence etc. I stick to comedies even though I like the sound of the plot of proper dramas.

The book was definitely not graphic. It sort of glosses over the means of her suicide. But let's face it, it's not a charity promotional, it's a book for sale with the goal of all such: to sell a story.