To want to give birth without a 'birth partner' following previous Traumatic birth?

[Tallyhooo]

I have a 9mth old and have just found out I'm expecting again - good news :)

But my last Birth Experience (not that long ago) was really traumatic - I'll try and keep it brief...

I had SPD so was taken in to be induced at 38 weeks - They tried a 'tape' - which felt uncomfortable and painful for 8 hours before someone finally looked at me and discovered I'd had an 'allergic reaction' and was totally swollen down below - they eventually took it out....

Then they tried a gel...didn't work...

Then (another midwife) suggested it didn't work because I have a 'very backwards facing cervix', so put me on gas and air and tried to pull my cervix forward....the pain was horrendous...and put in more gel...still no sign of labour…

Then after (many) monitors of my LO having a normal heart rate, they spotted an arrhythmia (they have sustained that the experiences I mentioned before had nothing to do with this...?

So I was taken to the labour ward and put on a drip - contractions started and went on - new midwife then pulled my cervix forward (again) and broke my waters -

By this point my OH couldn't watch anymore and had to leave as he couldn't watch me screaming in pain anymore - (I don't blame him for needing to 'time out')

Then....the young midwife (plus one), thinking I was ready to go, made me push with my legs in the air for 10 mins...I weed everywhere, couldn't push any more, in agony...they then examined me - I was 3cm dilated....no where near ready to push, just had a full bladder!

Thankfully they then 'shift changed' and a lovely midwife came in, turned the music they other midwife had on off (!) - put my drip back in, had an epidural put in immediately, my OH came back into the room, and little one very quickly and calmly came along..

But then LO was diagnosed with a serious SVT and after 5 days monitoring we were rushed to the childrens hospital to have her put on medication straight away to bring her heart rate under control. She was incredibly healthy in every other way which was a blessing.

Thankfully what they thought was going to be a serious heart condition self corrected (the electricity in her heart sorted itself out with the help of medication), at 4 mnths and she is now weaning off her medication and doing wonderfully at 9mths - all fine

That's the last birth (briefly) explained - !

I'm now expecting again - was planned - but my nerves have really kicked in about birth already

I've already decided not to go to the same hospital - but I also think I want to do this time on my own - I just think I'll be more concentrated on history not repeating and be able to saying exactly what I want to happen?

I really don't know- but will happily take any advice on what I should do?
Thanks :)

I am so sorry about your experience and so happy your baby is doing well.

I think it’s your choice but you might want someone out of sight but on standby in case you change your mind.

That sounds horrific and still fresh in your mind. Speak to your midwife/consultant so if you have to be induced again you can have a proper plan, fwiw you don't need a birth partner if you don't want one but don't rule it out.

Thank you - I will speak to them - I have considered asking about a C-section, but I really didn't ever want one - but also don't want to go through what happened before.

It's difficult to decide what to do for the best - (I didn't realise how much last time still effects me until I just started writing it and burst into tears. just been so concentrated on making sure my lovely baby girl is well I haven't really talked about what happened - don't think I've processed it all yet).

Do you have a service you can access, like birth stories? Where they would go through your notes and give you a better understanding of what happened and what they could do to prevent this? To be honest an induction at 38 weeks, esp for a first time mum is usually a bit of a slog....hopefully things will be easier this time

Dreaming - I'm not sure, I haven't heard of that before but will definitely look into it - thank you

If you want someone who will be a calm presence and will speak for you, then you could consider having a doula. People think they are all about natural childbirth (and obv they can be), but I had to be on a bed, on continuous monitoring as ds was prem, and my doula was amazing. She knew me, my worries, my wishes, and intervened on my behalf to get them as far as possible. And as her focus was only to look after me it made what could have been a really bad experience much better.

Doulas are incredible birth partners. Have a google.

I didn’t have a birth partner for my second DC. It’s entirely your choice (my DH was looking after our older child and to avoid the hospital and all my difficult memories from my first birth I had a home birth).i found it far easier to be with just the midwives, I could concentrate more on my needs and wasn’t worried about my DHs worry, if that makes sense.

It’s such a personal choice, but if an example of it working out is any use to you, here’s one.

FWIW, the second birth was utterly straightforward, water birth, no pain relief needed at all. The first had been a classic medicated 24 hour labour with epidural and episiotomy.

I would ask for planned csection then you can have whoever you like with you and you wont feel a thing. your trauma would allow you to ask for one.
I had natural traumatic (induced)first birth sounding very much like your labour. Was horrific. With my second it was also a 10 hour traumatic one. It ended anyway at 10cm in an emergency csection, how I wish I had asked for a planned one so I could have been awake for it and not gone through a full labour.
If I knew then what I know now I certainly would have gone for a section, but what do they say about hindsight

I’m sorry to hear about your traumatic experience and glad your baby is now ok. I had a traumatic first Labour/birth experience, involving a long long labour in a midwife unit and a blue-light transfer for an instrumental delivery. I was so affected that DS2 only happened because he was unplanned. I was so fearful of the whole idea that when I thought I’d had an early mc I was relieved. But he hung on in there and at 9 wks I realised I needed help. I got in touch with a local independent midwife and paid for an hour of her time discussing what had happened, it really really helped. I also looked into hiring a doula as my birth partner as my DH was traumatised by the experience too. As it turned out he then said he would prefer to be there as he would be thinking the worst if he wasn’t. In the event I went into labour at 37 weeks and demanded an epidural as soon as possible, the midwife was amazing when I explained what had happened with my first and got it sorted ASAP. Honestly I can say it was as near to pleasant as I believe having a baby could ever be. I really hope you have a positive second experience too

Elective c section. That is all. for you OP.

Thanks for all your comments - really helpful :)

I have looked into getting a Doula so it's really great to hear some positive experiences of having one - also about choosing to 'go alone' -

I'm still not sure about a C-section, although it probably would take out a lot of the worry.

I really wasn't expecting so much fear about going through this again so think I definitely need to discuss all the options, also what happened - a lot of unanswered questions I've not really had time to process, or ask.