Aibu to feel upset by boss?

[Mistyblue120]

I work in an industry which is quite small and hard to get along in.

I've been working on a project for the last 3 months with a colleague. I really like him and get along well. Our jobs are very similar with one defined difference between us and we have defined job titles. We are about to deliver our project. I asked him this week whether I could be credited with my job title as well as get a credit under his job title (he has 3 parts to it and I was asking for one). He said fine no problem. I have seen people with my job title in the past get credited under both if they've done work. It's not always usual but not so uncommon.

I had to run this by our boss as he signs it off. I wrote to ask him and got an email back calling me grabby. I replied saying I thought that was unfair and explained why I had asked for the additional credit this time and he said it was bollocks and 'unbecoming' of me.

It's left me really upset. I get along with my boss really well although he can have a very abrupt and blunt style of talking but I feel on the one hand sad that he thinks this of me and on the other enraged that he's made it personal. Also can't help but think that if a woman asks for something she's called grabby and unbecoming but a man would just be told no or probably yes!

I'm also worried it might now affect my job prospects. I wish I hadn't asked now seeing the hassle it's caused.

It doesn't sound to me as if you're being U to ask for this, and he sounds extremely unprofessional responding like that. Do you have an HR dept or someone you can consult about this?
Honestly, why shouldn't you get credited for work you've done? And if it's true (seems likely) that his response has an element of misogyny about it, would that be grounds for complaining in some way about his unnecessary 'bluntness'?

Would you be able to deliver the project without your input?

You are wanting to progress your career and be acknowledged for the work you have done. Can you write back saying you are offended by his response and wish to discuss this in a more professional manner? Can you find another employer?

It’s quite difficult to comment as we don’t know the industry you’re in, but if you say that’s it’s not uncommon to be credited under both and your colleague is comfortable with this then of course you should ask for it. Your boss’ response is incredibly unprofessional. I completely understand that you’re concerned for future job prospects. Therefore I would arrange a meeting with your boss and discuss face to face the reasons why you want to be credited and listen to why he thinks you’re being “grabby”. He COULD have a point, but by discussing face to face you may be able to come to a compromise, smooth things over. If not, then you now know the type of person you work for and can assess more accurately your prospects at that company. I would avoid involving HR at this stage as that probably would end your relationship with your boss.

We do seem to live in a world where ambitions seen as positive in a man but negative in a woman. Can you push for this at a higher level?

I asked two female colleagues in different companies at my boss's level what they thought and they thought I shouldn't be credited under my colleague's title too. They said the roles were distinct and that this increasing blurring of the lines between my colleague's role and mine wasn't fair and that when people in my role asked for a credit under my colleague's role too that it did take away from what they did.

That seems fair enough and reasonable to me. TBH I think it's a younger thing too as it's becoming more freelance the roles are more blurred and you're doing slightly different skills in addition to your own.

I think what I really object to is that this was a project that was my idea - it came from my work and development and I explained why I Wanted this additional credit to my boss - so I don't feel like it was unfair of me to ask. I accept that it's reasonable of him to say maybe I shouldn't get it. But I do really feel like he belittled me for asking and that it is this thing that if a man asks he gets and if he doesn't it's a no but if a woman asks it's seen as unseemly and above her station and she gets taken down a peg or too.

It's a shame as I do really like him but this has really put me off. Both my two female colleagues explained to me why with one explaining why I probably should get it but it wasn't a battle worth having and the other saying I shouldn't but either way I didn't feel put out at the end after speaking to them.

Good that you got feedback from women in your industry. Your boss’ choice of words was very poor, but you’re right: pick your battles

YANBU. As we always say here LTB i.e. look for a new job if possible.