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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a 13 year old should be able to stay at home alone?

22 replies

BubblesInMyTea · 23/05/2018 16:51

Yet again today my wife had to go over to her sisters house to look after her 13.5 year old niece.

Niece doesn't like being left alone at home yet happily takes the bus to school every day and goes 10 miles on the bus to the city to meet her friends.

She has a bit of a cold and her mum let her stay off school.

My wife is self employed and can take time off as needed. Wife's sister can't take time off without impacting others in a big way. However she works literally across the road from her house. My wife and I live 8 miles away. Nieces dad works 6am to 2pm and nieces mum works 10am to 4pm. Niece would have been on her own 4 hours

Surely at 13 niece can stay on her own for 4 hours especially as her mum is only across road.

What actually happened was my wife had to give up 5 hours of her time (including travel) to sit on sofa whilst niece lay in bed playing computer games.

OP posts:

Trinity66 · 23/05/2018 16:56

I would be happy leaving a 13 year old at home for 4 hours during the day especially If I worked across the road

Puffycat · 23/05/2018 16:57

I think it’s ridiculous!
A sensible 13 yo is more than capable of spending 4 hours alone!
As long as rules are laid out, eg, don’t answer the front door, don’t mess about with the stove etc and they know the number to call if they have any worries.
Why on earth should your wife give up 5 hours of her time, not working and not seeing you?!

NearLifeExperience · 23/05/2018 16:58

That's ridiculous, and your SIL is taking the piss royally, expecting your wifevyo give up her time like that.
Whether or not this girl can stay by herself is not your or your wife's problem: you just have to say no.

Zebra31 · 23/05/2018 17:27

This isn’t about the 13 year old child looking after herself at home. It’s no ones business if your SIL doesn’t feel she can leave her 13 year old alone. Your frustration is misdirected. The problem here is your wife. All she has to do is say no I can’t/won’t look after DN. Problem solved. Speak to your wife and try not to badmouth your SIL and 13 year old DN.

juneau · 23/05/2018 17:40

So why did your wife agree to do this? She needs to just learn to say 'no'.

InsomniacAnonymous · 23/05/2018 17:43

"What actually happened was my wife had to give up 5 hours of her time (including travel) to sit on sofa whilst niece lay in bed playing computer games."

Not true. Your wife didn't have to do that at all. It's ridiculous that she was asked and it's ridiculous that she agreed.

halfwitpicker · 23/05/2018 17:45

SIL is taking the piss.

And you're wife is bonkers, clearly.

user1499173618 · 23/05/2018 17:45

Your wife needs to say no.

DuchyDuke · 23/05/2018 17:46

Clearly not raised right. Your wife needs to say no.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/05/2018 17:46

What does your wife think about it all? If she's happy to do it then no issue. If she's not, then she needs to tell her sister.

Summerinrome · 23/05/2018 17:46

Why does it matter to you?

It’s your wife’s time not yours, and if she wants to spend time with her niece she can, she could have said no if she didn’t want to.

Some 13yr olds are fine to be left, others get anxious and stressed so clearly she isn’t comfortable being left just yet end of

keepingbees · 23/05/2018 17:49

Maybe she's frightened at home on her own? Not all kids are confident being left regardless of age. Also I have a 12 year old who cannot be trusted home alone and would not cope if an emergency arose. You go by the child not the age.

If your wife was happy to do it what's the issue? She can say no if she wants to, maybe she doesn't mind helping. I'd happily help someone in those circumstances.

Original poster

BubblesInMyTea · 23/05/2018 21:20

My wife wasn't happy but felt she didn't have a choice at the time.

To the person who said why does it matter to me. .. we run our own business together so my wife having to go look after our niece means me having to do twice the work

OP posts:

juneau · 23/05/2018 21:25

Why didn't she have a choice? Of course she has a fucking choice! She could've said 'I can't - I'm too busy' or something. Nobody held a gun to her head. This wet girl's DM was across the street FGS, she didn't need your DW there on the sofa all day, wasting her time.

AvoidingDM · 23/05/2018 21:26

Why didn't SIL drop niece at your house so wife could work as normal while keeping a loose eye on niece?

youarenotkiddingme · 23/05/2018 21:29

Some 13yo are happy home alone but wouldn't do what your niece does travel wise.

That's not the issue.

As PP said it's more about why your DW feels the need to do it when she can say "no, sorry I'm working" - exactly the same as her sister is doing.

okdok · 23/05/2018 21:32

Your wife will be doing niece a favour if she refuses from now on. Niece wills soon get used to it. Sounds v spoilt.

Zebra31 · 23/05/2018 21:33

we run our own business together so my wife having to go look after our niece means me having to do twice the work.

Why don’t you speak to your wife and tell her you are unhappy about her looking after her DN in your business hours? Your wife still choose to take on the childcare even though she was unhappy. That’s an adult choose she made. Sniping at your 13 year old DN and your SIL because of a decision your wife made is a bit off.

emmyrose2000 · 23/05/2018 23:43

Two separate issues here.

Niece staying home alone - if she's not happy doing that, then her parents need to sort that out amongst themselves without inconveniencing other people or hire someone to babysit.

Wife going to babysit - she needs to learn to say 'no' if it's not convenient. She doesn't need to be at the beck and call of her sister and niece.

SuperSuperSuper · 24/05/2018 00:03

It's strange that a 13 year old who's happily getting buses into town isn't allowed to be home alone. The mollycoddled 13 year olds I know, aren't allowed to do anything at all, poor buggers. This makes me wonder whether the girl has some kind of phobia or specific problem about being home alone.

arethereanyleftatall · 24/05/2018 00:08

Your wife didn't have to, she could have said no.
That's the issue that needs sorting, not whether a 13 yr old should or shouldn't stay home alone.

Ariela · 24/05/2018 00:26

A 13 year old is quite capable of being home alone for 4 hours. Your wife is a bit daft for agreeing, when these days people can be contacted so much more easily.
What would bother me more is that she was ill yet allowed to play computer games. If my child was ever ill, it was no TV no electronics. Sleep is the best way to recover from illness.

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