To ask if I should let him visit

[8SaltandVinegar]

Hi there

Hope this won't be too long. Me and dc's father split up in June last year because mainly I had PND and he couldn't understand that. I was a wreck so I can understand. I'm not 100% yet but nearly there. I've tried my best with dc's dad but he is happy where he is, getting waited hand and foot by his mother and going out every second weekend and getting pissed.

Anyway. I've a friend of 4 years. Who I've kissed once, nothing else. He's passing by tonight and said he'd visit if I wanted. Last time I saw him was in March and that's when we kissed.

I'm still pining for dcs dad. But he doesn't want the hassle of me. He used to hide my antidepressants after the PND and if I was taking them when I had them he'd ask me to leave the room (my own house) so he didn't have to hear the packet.

Even writing that down hits home. This other guy is very caring towards me. He's finished work in 15 mins and would take him 2 hours to get here.

My friend told me no, I've too much going on with the ex and baby.

The ex has baby tonight so it kind of works out. Thoughts please

You sound like you deserve a bit of happiness!

Your ex Sounds horrible, maybe seeing this nice guy will remind you of your worth and just why your ex is your ex

I had PND and he couldn't understand that. I was a wreck so I can understand

You're making excuses for him treating you appallingly. For that reason alone, I think you should keep away from any potential romantic relationships (even if this guy is lovely) until you can spot red flags and not take the blame for being treated terribly. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh!

@Green thank you

@formerbabe I've known him 4 years and he would always do anything for me. I'm dying for someone that understands. He seems to understand. He's so kind and the last time I saw him in march he stayed in a hotel and there was no pressure.

He's on the way now anyway

Sorry and thank you formerbabe I know you are right. I'm not head over heels about this guy but some attention and a small bit of affection would be nice

Oh I didn't mean what I said in relation to him specifically, more dating in general...just that you should know your worth and that you having pnd was not an excuse for your ex to treat you badly.

Anyway, good luck and hope your evening goes well!!

Oh I know. Thanks @Former Baby getting collected in an hour and 'friend' will be here about 30 mins later.

So you kissed this guy before you split up with your partner? I know it’s silly but I wouldn’t in case it developed and the ex used that against you (prick as he is). Maybe not the best course of action but what I’d do

@MLV Nooooo. March this year I kissed this guy. It was my birthday and he was actually the only one that remembered Split up with dc dad in June last year.

Anyway the 'friend' is asleep beside me. He just hugged me the minute he arrived and didn't let go. Feeling a little bit loved

:) this is lovely. Good for you! Your ex sounds like an immature dick. Enjoy feeling loved, PND is horrible xx

In the nicest possible way, it doesn’t seem that you are over dh yet and therefore not ready for another relationship. The friend sounds lovely and is showing you the care and attention you crave and deserve but if it’s dh that you are really craving the attention from, it would not be right for you or friend to take this any further at this stage and you could risk hurting/losing friend for jumping into this too soon.

I think you need to tell the friend that you are not yet ready for anything more than friendship and have a frank conversation with dh to confirm whether it’s over for good or whether there is any hope of getting back together. Perhaps before that, some counselling would be really good for you to understand your feelings and your self worth and ensure you don’t step back into an abusiive/unhealthy relationship and then if you and dh do decide to give it another go , I would again suggest you insist on couples counselling.

If dh does not want a relatiionship, then you need to allow yourself time/counselling before starting any other relationship

You're right. I'm no where near over dc dad. But I enjoyed last night, I felt so loved.