to ask for confidence help in work place

[UnsureGirl]

NC for this...

I really feel uncertain and unsure of myself in the workplace, to be fair I suffer with severe anxiety and social anxiety anyway but I feel this is further exaggerated when in the office.

My team is all male and has an air of “lad-culture” about it – as seems to be the case in much of the construction industry. I just find it really difficult to assert myself when I am required to give them instructions or be taken seriously. I also feel awkward and embarrassed when they are discussing very NSFW topics which I think just further adds to my anxiety in general.

Regardless of my team’s dynamics I need help in confidence boosting. I find I am always apologising for things that aren’t even my fault.

Just now we had the CEO come down to talk to us. It is the first time I have met him and rather than talking about projects I am on, I went bright red and started mumberling on about how great someone else in my team is. I always divert attention away from myself.

I am good in my job, I meet targets and push things in the right direction but I fear I’m going to get stuck in this position now whilst everyone slides over me to the promotions. I cant expect promotions anyway whilst I have this social anxiety problem as it will affect my duties if I were to get further responsibilities with people.

Sorry for this incoherent pity speech. Just AIBU to ask for confidence help and can I get some please?

Sounds like professional help to deal with your anxiety would be the best possible thing you could do for yourself. But in the meantime, during the working day, you can focus on your job rather than arseing around with NSFW topics. Incidentally, could you speak to your manager about that? It's really not acceptable in the workplace and it sounds to me like that might be undermining you. Or, if not, is there an HR Department?

Thank you pippistrelle for replying. Just to clarify I don't join in with the NSFW chat, but they talk about women in such horrid ways and its hard to just zone it out. I have made attempts at saying how it doesn't make me feel comfortable but it hasn't helped - I was swiftly reminded about how there used to be a woman in this team that she was fired as she didn't fit the team's dynamics. The HR department are useless, and are on the other side of the country. I have received professional help with anxiety, maybe I should go back on my anti-psychotics again but with TTC it is better to stay off them. Maybe I should just quit

NC fail there too ah well, just hope no one recognises me. Not sure a bunch of men at my work place will be on MN anyway

They don’t sound like MNetters!

Don’t quit without another job lined up. Seek help with your mental health from outside work, and perhaps also a professional woman mentor from your industry, but not your employer - there may be schemes open to you.

It sounds horrible and, although it's outrageous that you are expected to tolerate what seems like a pretty toxic environment, then I think I'd be looking for another job. But do it from the comfort of your workplace desk while your colleagues are being unpleasant idiots.

You could also log incidents of inappropriate comments - and direct intimidation and threats such as the one you mention - and use the grievance procedure.

Loopytiles I do have a log, been keeping a dairy of incidents on my desktop. Just not sure they will be taken seriously though? I like the idea about a woman mentor, I'll have a look through the industry Chartership to see if there is a programme.

pippistrelle they have all the job hunting stuff blocked - understandably - but I guess I can start CV writing and prepping cover letters.

Oddly I never have an issue with interviews? No clue what that is about.

The company have to take them seriously, or they are at risk of a sex discrimination suit. If you are victimised for complaining that’s wrong too.

That said, if there are better job opportunities elsewhere, a move could be good. Unfortunately your sector has a bad reputation, but some employers must be upping their game on equality.

Loopytiles luckily there is a massive undersupply with someone of my skill set in the industry so I could private move easy enough. I don't think I could go through raising a complaint, I've tried doing that in other areas (sexual harrassment at work and rape in personal life) and have been dismissed.