I'm a regular andI post a lot on a few of these boards and some probably think "Oh bloodyhell, her again" hence why I have changed my username to gain some fresh advice.
I am seriously struggling right now with my Mental Health. It is affecting me on a daily basis - from the things I eat (I will go from eating well and healthy to binge and purging), my relationship with people (I am not a very nice person at the moment, argumentative, snarky, aggressive), and my relationship with myself (Truth me told, I hate myself at the moment).
I have had depression and anxiety for approx 10 years. I'm married with a 3 year old.
I've been on all the SSRIs over the years - fluoextine, citalopram, sertaline and also Trazodone. I am now on Mirtazipine.
I am the lowest I have been in a long long time. It takes just one small thing to set me off and I will be in either a flood of tears or be full of rage. I have spoke with my GP and have been on the Mirtazipine for approx 1 week.
I told my GP how major my mood changes seem to be. I was asked did I have any plans or just thoughts. I confirmed that at my lowest I do have thoughts but no plans.
I am seriously fascinating on my weight at present. I am 2.5 stone heavier than when I had my child. I find myself grotesque. I have tried various eating plans and always failed, mainly due to the binge and purge as I am an emotional eater.
I go away in 2 weeks and feel enormous. It is knocking my confidence hugely - my husband has noticed I cover myself up which I never used to do. He has tried to encourage and help me and all I do is basically throw it back in his face.
I have a review appointment but it isnt for another 2 weeks - so after my holiday. In the past I've had group sessions for d&a, also attended CBT based counsilling which I found interesting but not helpful for me.
I really do feel like it's all falling apart.
I love my son dearly but I am also growing detached from him. I saw him Monday morning before work. He spent Monday night at my parents and all day yesterday. I got home and immediately went back out again - almost as though I was avoiding him. What kind of parent does this?
I love my husband and he is so tolerant of me and my behaviour. I don't honestly know how or why he does it. If I were him, I would have left a long while back.
I don't know where to turn anymore