snoring

[senioritabonita]

I know a lot of people snore, I know they can't help it.

The question is WTF can be done about it and whose problem is it - the snorer or the poor bastard being woken.

We have a tiny house and it's very difficult to find somewhere else to sleep. He is 6foot 6 and has a bad back, I have arthritis and sleeping on the sofa/floor is not an option.

AIBU to think he should make an effort to sort this out or he should sleep elsewhere?

Has anyone actually managed to resolve a snoring problem?

I am so tried :(

[Rainbunny]

Is it an option to move to a place with an extra bedroom? My DH snores (partly due to his gaining some weight which he is working on losing but also due to a badly set broken nose from his youth which has rendered one nostril/airway basically non-functional, also trying to get that issue sorted although it will require surgery). He hated the idea of us having separate bedrooms so I spent years ending up on the sofa which I think blinded him to how much my sleep was suffering.

It took a large family visit which crowded out all possible sleeping spots in our house and his MIL discovering me early one morning sleeping in a walk-in-closet, that he finally realised how bad it must be that I had to resort to that. We now have separate bedrooms and I LOVE it! I sleep so well now, even if he fixes his snoring issues I'm not sure I want to give up my bedroom ever! We are in our thirties btw and having separate bedrooms has not impacted our relationship at all except that we both sleep well now :)

[KittenBeast]

God, my OH snores, if I fall asleep before him it's OK, as I'm a fairly sound sleeper but if he drops off before me, that's me having zero sleep for the entire night. It genuinely makes you hate them (or is that just me?) no amount of shoving or rolling them over helps, and then sometimes, just sometimes, they stop for about 10 seconds, and you almost cry with relief, and then it starts back up again with a vengeance. I so wish I had a spare room, can't bring myself to chuck him downstairs on the sofa.

[MilkTrayLimeBarrel]

Mine snores terribly - we only have one bed - but luckily he falls asleep nearly every night on the sofa and I am so mean I don't wake him up! Even so I can hear him through the floor downstairs and wear ear plugs most nights. It is such a tiring thing to have to put up with. He did have an app which woke him up when he snored but of course he didn't like that and deleted it! He is away one night a week on business and it is bliss!!

[ToEarlyForDecorations]

Spare bed for me. Every.fucking.night. It's beyond a joke. My job is to get him to sleep, just by being in bed. He's asleep within 15 minutes. That's when the snoring starts.

I can hear him through ear plugs.

How come he doesn't sleep in the spare room ? He can't get to sleep there. So, muggins here moves to the spare bed as usual.

[senioritabonita]

I feel your pain good women of MN. And yes, it does make me hate him and have violent thoughts in the night.

I hear thru earplugs. God I hate it.

I worked and saved for 20 years to buy this house - I can't move and no spare room. I am seriously thinking about a bed in the cabin in the garden for the summer months......

[agnurse]

You might consider pointing out to him that his depression might actually be due in part to his snoring. If he does have sleep apnea it could be interfering with his sleep, and that can lead to depression and anxiety. You might also point out to him that if it IS sleep apnea, it's usually very treatable and often doesn't require invasive techniques. My grandfather was diagnosed with sleep apnea many years ago. He started using a CPAP machine and slept very well. When my dad learned of it he thought maybe he'd better get checked out too, because he had had sleep problems for years. Sure enough, he has it too. He got a CPAP as well and was astounded at how much better he sleeps.

[UserV]

How come men who are useless passive aggressive obnoxious lumps as husbands (and bring nothing to their wife's life,) are ALWAYS 'good dads?'

I despair I really do.

[senioritabonita]

good point agnurse

UserV - He's always been the DC main carer, I went back to work ft when they were 12 weeks and 8 weeks old and he is, without any shadow of a doubt the best dad of younger children I have ever seen - in part, I think, due to him being so passive. He could give himself totally to the moment and be in their world. DC are both doing incredibly well at school, sports etc and that has all been him. He is starting to struggle with teenagers thou - their demands are different and he doesn't take criticism well.

But I do know what you mean in general about this theme on MN.

[Ethylred]

He was a lot of fun when he was young but now he's taken
his foot off the accelerator. In every aspect of his life.

[Happyhippy45]

No answers I'm afraid but have sympathy for you.
My dh has been a snorer for years. I got used to/kind of accepted that this is how life was. Then I had a relapse of MS and spent the odd night sleeping in the spare room. The odd night has turned into a permanent thing I think. I need my sleep and am recovering quicker because I'm getting a full nights sleep. We've not had sex for ages because of me being ill. I need to sleep on my back on a wedge pillow so I don't really see the point in sharing a bed at this point if all it means is I get woken up multiple times. He's not happy about it and it's obviously bothering him. Not enough to do anything about it though. He thinks his snoring is kind of funny. He had no sympathy for the dark circles under my eyes.

[happypoobum]

Re the snoring, I split with a partner who wouldn't take steps to resolve the issue. I just got to the point where I couldn't function properly due to lack of sleep.

re the rest of it - Counselling?

Do you love him?

Would you be happier apart?

[BigbreastsBiggerbeard]

I've been with three snorers and none of them ever took it seriously. One thought it was very funny. If I ever have another relationship highly unlikely it's going to be separate rooms all the way.

[Rainbunny]

Some people aspire to owning a yacht or a holiday villa, my definition of luxury has been realised by having my own spacious bedroom with a walk in closet and ensuite bathroom It's my favourite place in the world! It's been two years now and all my close friends thought it was weird when my DH and I decided to have separate bedrooms, I'm sure they thought our marriage was on the rocks and even now I don't really mention that I have a separate bedroom because people seem stuck on this idea that couples should sleep together. It's 2018 and the importance of good sleep for overall health is being recognized, so apart from space considerations, why are we all stuck in the relatively recent tradition of sharing our beds (to one or both party's misery) all night long?

I love some quality time in bed with my DH but I really love having my own bedroom. I have a mattress that is perfect for my body needs, the room is decorated purely for my taste (luxurious minimalist spa theme - at least that's what I "aimed" for...) and I sleep wonderfully. After 5 years of going to bed in bed but inevitably ending up on the sofa I have so much energy in comparison.

[whatifwhatifhwhatif]

How are you today, OP

[senioritabonita]

I'm ok thanks for asking.
Took kids to a friends for a BBQ yesterday and DH stayed at home, painted the shed, did some gardening etc. He was moaning about how exhausted he was etc yesterday and then snored a lot so I was very grumpy thins morning and he was just going on and on about how exhausted he was by working so hard yesterday and how we'd all be relaxing and enjoying ourselves.

Well yeah, but I worked 72 hours this week and did all the chores etc to give myself a day off yesterday, it's not fait to try and make me feel guilty about it.

[whatifwhatifhwhatif]

Life doesn't sound very fun for either of you at the moment