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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

in getting upset at preschool today

17 replies

sillysausages · 18/05/2007 13:40

Just dropped ds2 at preschool - outside another parent asked me in front of all other parents " has ds got a problem?" I said no - he said your ds is hitting my dd . I told him that he needed to talk to the preschool about this as I could talk to ds about his behavior but not specific incidences that i had not seen - he went on and on and eventually i said it was not the forum to discuss this, I walked away and then my eyes started to water as I left preschool.

Did i say the right thing I am very sensitive re DS2 behavior

OP posts:

Lact8 · 18/05/2007 13:48

You are not being unreasonable.

You sound like you have concerns about your DS2 behaviour already?

You told the dad that he needs to speak to the pre school about it and he wouldn't accept it.

From his point of view though, he may have thought that it would be better to have a quiet word with you rather than going through the teachers and had psyched himself up to talking to you and then couldn't let it go.

I would say to the preschool that you have been approached by the father and find out what's been happening. Ask them to tell him that if he has concerns to discuss them with the teachers.

Poor you though, I have been in tears in the playground too and it's awful

flipflopper · 18/05/2007 13:48

You poor thing, I would have been really upset too.
You cannot be responsible for things that have gone on at preschool while you were not there.
This man sounds like he was being quite confrontational, there is no need for that, you sound like you held it together well.

I would have a word with the teacher, see what has been going on. Im sure you would have been told if there had been any incident though. HTH

Original poster

sillysausages · 18/05/2007 13:52

yes I thought he was really confrontational but i am quite sensitive, and now i have to go back and face all the other parents again. I wouldn't have minded a quiet word but he talked loudly ibn front of all the parents

OP posts:

Lizzylou · 18/05/2007 13:54

I would hold your head up high, the other parents would probably be less than impressed with this Father's behaviour and feel sympathetic towards you. I would definitely try and speak with the preschool leaders about what may/may not have happened between your DS and this man's DD.

mumblechum · 18/05/2007 13:55

Have you asked your ds what happened? How old is he?

Original poster

sillysausages · 18/05/2007 13:56

okay will go and sort my eyes out and face it

OP posts:

crazylazydaisy · 18/05/2007 14:00

Try not to worry about the other parents, if you were one of them I am sure you would have thought HE looked wrong saying what he did, not YOU. You acted 100% right.
I had this with dd2 school mates mum, accosted in the playground over a name dd had called her son. I told the other mum we should be talking to the teacher about it as we didnt know what went on, so in we marched to the teacher. The teacher was furious with the other mum for "taking this into the playground" and had a go at the other mum, who was pretty embarrassed. Can you call the preschool and see the leader 15 mins before all the other parents arrive? She can then talk to the dad in private if needed, or get you both together to talk it through.
It's a horrid situation to be put in, but you were not unreasonable at all xx

crazylazydaisy · 18/05/2007 14:01

x posts Lizzylou!

nogoes · 18/05/2007 14:02

Silly Man! How insensitive and unconstructive to talk to you like that. They are only little children at the the end of the day! Have a word with the preschool and see if you can find out what actually happened.

maisemor · 18/05/2007 14:03

It sounds like he was having a bad day and taking it out on you.

You definately did the right thing, well done.

flipflopper · 18/05/2007 14:37

Chin up! The other parents were probably as embarrased as you that it was being aired in public!

Elasticwoman · 18/05/2007 14:48

What springs to my mind is:

how did the dad know that your ds was hitting his dd? Was he there? If so, couldn't he have nipped it in the bud himself? If not, he only has the story second hand (at least).

Of course, any child hitting another child is not acceptable. But it's part of the rough and tumble of childhood that children will test the boundaries of acceptable physical behaviour. So if your ds was hitting the other child, it's part of normal naughtiness that the pre-school staff should deal with. If it became worse than that, the staff should have informed you privately at that stage.

kittyhas6 · 18/05/2007 15:20

I don't think you are unreasonable. He should have tried to sort this out via the preschool. he is a bloke though and they are generally no good dealing with things like that.

hatrick · 18/05/2007 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

sillysausages · 18/05/2007 18:51

thanks for your support man apologised said he did not handle it very well ! . I am still embarassed though re: my reaction. What i love about this site is the support you all give

OP posts:

crazylazydaisy · 18/05/2007 20:03

That was good of him to apologise, he must of felt really bad. Hope you're feeling a bit better now

helenhismadwife · 18/05/2007 22:11

I am glad he apologised to you, if my dh did something like this I would be absolutely mortified and I bet his wife will be as well!!
your reaction to it was perfect and dignified not sure mine would have been

Flip