New MIL drama

[justilou1]

This was my last MIL thread and I hope the link works.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3206405-Is-there-anything-I-can-do-here

We have all been NC with MIL pretty much since my last thread and it’s been blissfully quiet. My husband caved just before Mother’s Day and sent her a card which he made the kids write in, and (of course) posted it too late to arrive on time. As I mentioned in the link, she has been playing favourites with the kids and they received a group email from her which she had addressed to “Sweetie” (Favourite Kid), “Kid Two’s Name” and “Kid One’s Name” talking about the cake she was making herself for Mother’s Day... 🙄 Whatever....

She rang a few days ago after receiving the card and spoke to my husband for a very long time. Great. According to him, things are fine and all resolved. Perfect.

Last night he told me that as I hadn’t spoken to her since she left my house a year ago, he would like ME to call her and bury the hatchet. I asked him why it was my job when she had behaved so vilely towards me (in my own house) and my children - and that she should be the one picking up the phone to apologize and make peace with ME! He said that she had told him that she had sent a card and left messages. What a fucking manipulative liar!!! I am reasonably certain that he knows I was not lying when I told him that this is not true, and once again I am certain he’s choosing to be all fluffy and useless about it. I was so shocked by this turn of events that I took the dog for a very long walk late last night and he was asleep when I got back, or I would have exploded! I am going to make it very clear tonight that I will not be playing this game. I am also going to let our eldest daughter tell him what was said to her (and later tell him what was said about her as well).... I wonder why I have been trying to protect him from this viper of a woman?!?!
Any other hints would be greatly appreciated!!!

I read your other thread. I have 'one of those' MIL's too. I know exactly where I'd bury that hatchet! [angry}

Your dd is right to take control of the bullying she has received, even if only a want- to- do- plan and doesn't actually do it!!

You have to tell him everything. You can’t get annoyed with him for wanting to make up when he doesn’t know the extent of it. Start being open with your husband.

Tell your DH he can have contact with his awful mother but it doesn't involve you and the children and you won't hear another word about her.

Ladies please let me reassure you that DD was just joking to bring a bit of brevity to a situation which has been weighing heavily on us for a while (humour is our coping mechanism.) She is not “involved” or being used as a “tool”. She was discussing her feelings about her grandmother with her father, who has agreed that MIL has not exactly covered herself in glory, but that physical distance could be used to possibly nurture a relationship if it is mutually respectful. (Obviously he and I agreed upon that particular part... ) While DD does not know about the “slut” comments, she indepentently expressed that it was implied. She has requested that all phone calls with MIL be on speaker phone and with her father present so that he can hear how each child is spoken to (if only I were as smart as this kid) and then DH can monitor the content and tone. DD reserves the right to pull the plug if MIL is racist, homophobic or obviously PA. We have decided that this applies to all three kids, and nobody will be forced to chat either. I’m ok with this and look forward to see how (and if) it’s applied...

Your DD has her head screwed on!

Your DD is definitely fab!