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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

not sure if i'm being unreasonable or just touchy!!

13 replies

sparklesandwine · 18/05/2007 13:18

Today is the first anniversary of my Dad's death which makes it a very hard day for me anyway as we were very close, so my friend suggested that we went to a local brewsters with our lo's to cheer me up (a lovely thought!) which they were very excited about.
We got to hers and had a quick coffee while the lo's played, all the while she was saying come on lets get ready to go and jollying them along, then when it came to it she said to her dd 'do you want to go for lunch or would you rather stay here to eat?' to which her dd said she wanted to stay at home, but mine wanted to go. So after some crying by my ds2 it was decided that as her dd wanted to stay at home then thats what we would do! so mine ended up really disapointed (as did i actually as i need a bit of cheering up) and crying all the way home!
Don't know if i'm being a bit silly and over sensitive (which i probably am) but they would have been happy to go, why did she have to change the choices!!

OP posts:
lizyjane · 18/05/2007 13:21

YANBU, just understandably upset! What a shame, seems a really odd thing for your friend to do.

Hope you are feeling better, those anniversaries can be so hard.

HenriettaHippo · 18/05/2007 13:22

Eh?

That's mad! I wouldn't offer my DS a choice that involved abandoning the original pla - that you'd all been being chivvied along to get ready for. I'd have been tempted to say that my children had been looking forward to it, and we were going to go anyway.

So sorry for your loss. X

HenriettaHippo · 18/05/2007 13:24

in fact, is it too late to just go on your own now? Go on, do it. Or go for a pizza for tea instead later this afternoon. Do something nice for you and the children, and don't let this get you down.

themoon66 · 18/05/2007 13:25

Yes... take yours out for tea instead.

sparklesandwine · 18/05/2007 13:29

Thanks HH i did say that my lo's were looking forward to it etc but didn't really want to get into an arguement about it today when my judgement is a little cloudy! I didn't stay for lunch, which was probably a bit rude of me, I left and said that i would take all of mine together tomorrow - do you think that was rude?

OP posts:
lizyjane · 18/05/2007 13:31

No, you were not rude. Hope you have a brilliant time tomorrow.

beckybrastraps · 18/05/2007 13:32

No - you weren't rude at all!

smoggie · 18/05/2007 13:34

I don't think it was rude of you at all - it was just plain silly of her to offer her dd the choice, when you'd already agreed what was going to happen...silly and bloody insensitive.
Take yours out for tea/lunch and have a lovely time. Don't let it spoil your day either - try to forget it now and you can still have a special day.
xx

DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 13:43

She is a mad eejit

If you had planned on going out for lunch, then out it should have been!!

I'm sorry for you, think nice thoughts of your dad today sweetheart xoxoxox

RosaLuxembourg · 18/05/2007 13:52

You weren't rude - she was and very odd too.
I completely sympathise - I lost my own dad seven years ago and still miss him very much.

sparklesandwine · 18/05/2007 14:00

Thank you - I thought it was a bit strange too i think i may just say i'll meet her at the place if she suggests it again, might be wiser!

I'm not doing too bad today actually, i was worse yesterday in the build up to today. I haven't reminded my older 2 what the day is do you think i should?

OP posts:
heifer · 18/05/2007 14:27

Sorry about your change of plans, my DD would have been really upset to if I had told her we were going out to eat then didn't.

I lost my Dad 5 years ago and my mum 2 years ago so do understand, and I am not surprised that you found yesterday harder than today..

I did find it easier after the 1st yr anniversary as I stopped thinking "this time last year" etc...

I personally wouldn't mention to the children about it, but then again my DD is only 3 so wouldn't understand anyway, although she knows that her nanna and Grandad is in Heaven...

Actually our dog is about to join them, but that is another story....

Hope you have a lovely day out, and actually yes I do think you should tell your children about anniversary and have fun discussing all the lovely things about your dad... And don't worry if you cry loads, you will also laugh and smile at some of the stories....

HenriettaHippo · 18/05/2007 17:08

been out all afternoon, and only just back. No, I don't think you were rude at all to leave.

Have a lovely time tomorrow.

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