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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How can I be kind to new friend?

3 replies

JustcheckingOut · 22/05/2018 21:34

Backstory: I’m recently started playing tennis at a new club and have become friendly with a lady there. She’s really lovely, recently retired early after a very successful career. She has a daughter (24) with severe autism and learning difficulties. She has mentioned her a few times of course and I am conscious that this is something which has a big impact on her life. I have adult children myself and admire her strength and determination to build a fulfilling life for her daughter. She also mentioned that her daughter and the increasing demands of her care impacted her career and decision to retire early to allow more time to look after herself as her health was starting to suffer. She is happily married and has another adult daughter who lives about 200miles away.

I appreciate that this may sound like a silly question but my intentions are good and people here may be better experienced to offer advice. Is it appropriate to ask after her daughter in the way I would another child? I am conscious that her life is difficult and I wonder if it is reasonable to be mindful of this? Is this a situation which irks the parent if it is not acknowledged? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Nogodsnomasters · 22/05/2018 21:36

Just ask inclusively so as not to appear to single out/make differences between her children. Such as "how are your daughters both doing lately?"

JustcheckingOut · 22/05/2018 21:48

Thank you

OP posts:
bazingabazinga · 22/05/2018 21:50

Just ask how the daughter and any other children are. Also, if you would normally ask a friend out for coffee or a drink etc then I would ask her if she fancies meeting up with you. I imagine that, despite having a daughter with autism, she’ll enjoy socialising and getting out.

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