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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Reducing CSM so that I am effectively paying the petrol for him to see DS

13 replies

clippityclock · 22/05/2018 14:36

So I had a call from CSM this morning to say my ex wants a reduction in the amount he pays me because he has to pay petrol to see his son.

After over 5 years of no contact, he started seeing him again. Just once a month mind you, couldn't possibly be more than that because he has to have a life blah blah blah.

He's now moved onto taking him home 150 miles away for the one weekend he sees him. He's refused to buy clothes for him while at his house. He picks DS up from school and I didn't want DS to have to carry a hole heap of stuff in and also it would more than likely not come back. So I bought DS jeans, tracksuit bottoms, shorts, t-shirts and hoodie for when he is up there and posted them to him. No thanks for it by the way.

Apparently this is not good enough and I need to provide at least 2 sets of decent clothes and send them with him. I normally send one set for him to travel home in on the Sunday. I've told him to shove it and that I will provide a set for him to come home but thats all, that if he doesn't like the clothes I bought, paid for and posted to him, he can actually put his hand in his own pocket and buy him some.

I also asked him to drop my DS at a place where I had to do some duties and also so DS could see his friends and sail/play. This is actually better for ex and closer than driving to my house.

Anyway none of this has gone down well because now he wants me to effectively pay his petrol to see his son by taking out the legal bare minimum I get from him. He will also be dropping him off an hour earlier and has refused to ever drop him anywhere but my home. Oh and he also didn't give him any lunch when he dropped him at 15:15. All DS had was breakfast!

I have one wage coming into my home, a mortgage to pay for plus all the other nonsense that goes with living in a home. I also pay for all DS activities, petrol driving him everywhere, holiday clubs during school holidays, his birthday parties etc etc.

They have two decent wages to pay for the household stuff. Its just a never ending stream of bollocks to either make my life that bit harder or annoy me.

Is this a thing? making the RP pay the petrol? I can't work out whether Im being unreasonable to think he's being a right fucking cock about this!

OP posts:
catsoup · 22/05/2018 14:39

It won't affect your payments too much if it goes ahead. It'll come off his gross wage used for the assessment rather than your payments.

Grumpyoldblonde · 22/05/2018 14:40

What a dickhead.

Grumpyoldblonde · 22/05/2018 14:44

Sorry someone startled me. I meant him of course.

My ex is often 'too busy' to see his child. Funny how I'm never too busy to be a mum.

clippityclock · 22/05/2018 14:50

Oh he's putting that he wants it lowered to include a Armed Forces loan he took out to help buy the house, this was 8 years ago! Plus only a few thousand went on solicitors fees, he had the rest.

I just can't believe this is even a thing? I was left in lots of debt when he left. Wonder if that could increase the amount he pays LOL.

I'd paid out so much for stuff while he pleaded poverty. Well its hard to have any money when you are paying for hotels to shag another woman in and to wine and dine her!

His household income is probably about £90,000 before tax at least.

OP posts:
clippityclock · 22/05/2018 14:51

That should say 'he is also'

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 22/05/2018 15:22

Sounds like he's just looking for excuses so he doesn't have to see the poor lad- 'sorry, can't afford to see you as your mum wouldn't reduce the payments' attitude.

LegallyBrunet · 22/05/2018 15:59

This is a thing. If the NRP lives over a certain distance they can ask for a reduction in CMS payments to allow for the fact that they are paying out significantly in petrol in order to maintain contact with their child

Cupoteap · 22/05/2018 16:29

I'm shocked this is allowed - how far away do they ha e to live?

clippityclock · 22/05/2018 20:13

I'm significantly paying out in petrol every month to drive my child around about 450 miles! Plus coughing up for the usual rubbish to entertain him at weekends, school holidays etc etc.

He sees him once a month, I could't even imagine thinking someone else should pay for petrol for me to see my child.

He shouldn't have moved so far away then if he didn't want to pay to see his child.

My DS Nan now wants to start seeing him, after 6 years of nothing. I'm wondering if I'm expected to pay for her petrol as well!

Its really wound me up!

OP posts:
KTheGrey · 22/05/2018 21:49

Does it go through CMS? Shouldn't he make the request through them?

Violetshift · 22/05/2018 21:58

He shouldn't have moved so far away then if he didn't want to pay to see his child.

What if the mother had moved 350 miles away? Would it be different? How would CMS police that?
They do need a general rule. It can be a bit shitty when the nrp has a decent income.

It does come off the assesible money not off the cost itself which is not as bad. If his petrol is £20 a week. It may only reduce by a few pounds. I know its hard when struggling though.

GlitterGlue · 22/05/2018 22:05

He’s being a cock about it. He moved. He can pay.

The fucking cheek of him.

CheshireChat · 22/05/2018 22:10

I was under the impression that the onus is placed on the person that moved first so therefore he shouldn't get anything.

Happy to be corrected if I'm wrong though.

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