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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need some perspective (childcare related)

35 replies

TeddyIsaHe · 22/05/2018 12:08

My parents have my daughter overnight Wednesday mornings until Thursday at around 4/5pm, for free, obviously!

I work a long day on a Wednesday (10am-11pm or later) and start at 7am on a Wednesday.

They’ve just text to say they can no longer have my daughter overnight for 8 or so weeks whilst my brother is doing exams, as my daughter sometimes wakes early on the Thursday morning. They will drop her off after dinner on Wednesday and I’ll take her to theirs before work on Thursday morning.

This means that I’m losing 4-5 hours work on a Wednesday, and potentially 2 on a Thursday. I’m hourly paid and a lone parent.

I am so grateful for them helping me be able to return to work, but AIBU to be pretty pissed off with this? A) the lack of notice so I can try to swap my hours round b) is one potentially early morning really going to affect my brothers exams? And c) reducing my already pitiful wage by 7/8 hours a week which I really can’t afford. I think I just need someone to tell me I’m being a dick and be grateful, because I’m seething just slightly!

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 22/05/2018 12:12

I'd be pissed off as well as its not given you any notice. Can one of your parents stay at your house with dd?

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 22/05/2018 12:13

I think you'll just have to suck it up for the sake of 8 weeks.

The wage will impact your life but his study will impact his life too.

You don't want to sour the arrangement you have here as they really are doing you a huge favour.

Justwaitingforaline · 22/05/2018 12:13

I think the lack of notice isn’t particularly fair of them. Is your managaer understanding of your situation and able to give you those hours back once they have her again?

MummaGiles · 22/05/2018 12:15

8 weeks?? What is your brother doing exams in? School and Uni exam periods are now in full swing and should be done by mid-June.

Thewhale2903 · 22/05/2018 12:17

I think this is pretty shitty of them tbh. Will one early morni g a week really affect your brother that much?
You will probably just have to work around it as you don't want to fall put and not have then to look after r your child but personally think it's rediculous!

Amanduh · 22/05/2018 12:17

Sorry but yes you’re being a dick. They give you free childcare. Ok so the lack of notice isn’t ideal.

Shiftymake · 22/05/2018 12:21

I would be furious in your shoes as they have done this last minute. Does your brother wake up when your daughter does? For me that is odd, I would need a trumpet to his ear to get my brother up in those days! I would go to my parents and ask for a some time (a week or two) for you to make different arrangements as they have left you with no time to make these arrangements. He has 6 days/week to study so his results will most likely(just saying likely to be nice) not be affected by her being there one night a week. Talk with your parents!

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 22/05/2018 12:21

I would probably start looking for alternative childcare though, this may also be their way of saying it's too much for them to have your child for so long.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 22/05/2018 12:21

It’s 8 weeks, they’re doing you a massive favour in the first place. Their other child is being inconvenienced by it as a very important time in his life so for 8 weeks you can suck it up. Pay a local teen/nursery assistant to babysit for a few hours on Wednesday evenings. Or ask if your parents will babysit her at your house on those evenings.

VladmirsPoutine · 22/05/2018 12:22

You're not being a dick. It is annoying because of the lack of notice and loss of earnings but this is where you are.

RedSkyAtNight · 22/05/2018 12:22

From your brother's point of view - it sounds like your daughter is waking him early at the moment and he's just having to put up with it. So I don't think it's unreasonable at all for him to ask for it not to happen for a few weeks!

ReasonableLlama · 22/05/2018 12:23

I can see how irritating this is, but if you kick up a fuss would they revoke their offer of childcare? If so, it's worth sucking it up and losing money for 8 weeks to ensure you have future childcare.

I know it's short notice, but what would happen if your parents suddenly fall ill? It might be worth using this as a learning curve and planning for this possibility in the future.

Also, it's your brothers exams which are important to him. I'm assuming he lives there. I would appreciate being disturbed in my own home in the lead up to my exams.

Original poster
TeddyIsaHe · 22/05/2018 12:24

Buzz that’s what I’m thinking also. Which is frustrating because I’d organised my hours and childcare before I went back to work and my mum kicked up a fuss because she wanted my daughter to go to theirs.

I don’t think he starts exams until the 4th of June and no idea when he finishes, just going by what they’ve said.

OP posts:
Shiftymake · 22/05/2018 12:24

If she was there several nights a week I would understand the "suck it up". But not for one night a week.

Motoko · 22/05/2018 12:27

I would probably start looking for alternative childcare though

I agree, but it would mean OP will probably have to change her hours at work if she's working until 11pm.

RB68 · 22/05/2018 12:27

Brother is clearly a spoilt brat - what about other kids with siblings etc - they don't get a choice. Sounds like a bloody excuse to me.

Having said that its a gift so Parents can choose. I would have a chat and make sure that is the reason (not just needing a break from it) and maybe ask if there is another time they can do so you can make up the work hours. Many parents are happy to help out like this but at the same time it is a bind for them if its not something they have to do - but yes a bit more notice wouldn't go amiss. I bet they have had it out with brother re revision and exams and he has brought this up as an excuse but you need to roll with it

Motoko · 22/05/2018 12:31

my mum kicked up a fuss because she wanted my daughter to go to theirs.
Well, you'll have to point out to her that she's left you in a tricky situation by withdrawing the childcare at such short notice, and that this could have been avoided if you'd stuck to your original plan with using other childcare and doing different hours.

YANBU.

aprilanne · 22/05/2018 12:31

personally i would leave hubby and son for one night stay at your house with grandaughter.then everyone happy its only for 8 weeks .its a bit miserable to be honest

Lethaldrizzle · 22/05/2018 12:32

She's still helping you out though. Alot of lone parents have no-one. If it's the short notice thats a problem then ask if she can delay by a week or two.

FlibbertyGiblets · 22/05/2018 12:32

The brother isn't a spoilt brat Shock
Having a small cousin round your ankles when trying to study can't be easy.

OP you'll have to suck it up. Yes irritating but a finite period.

FlibbertyGiblets · 22/05/2018 12:32

Nephew? Cousin? Emend as appropriate.

bonnyshide · 22/05/2018 12:36

I think they are showing signs of not wanting to help out anymore / not coping.

I'd take this as a sign to start finding alternative childcare, they have sprung this on you such last minute and are clearly unreliable.

Tbh I think that's a lot to ask if them and it's no wonder they are having second thoughts.

IAmMatty · 22/05/2018 12:43

I think everyone suggesting the OP 'suck it up' is being wilfully optimistic about how well your manager might take you telling them that the hours you work for the next 8 weeks aren't going to happen. Confused

RedSkyAtNight · 22/05/2018 12:47

IAmMatty OP hasn't said that dropping hours is an issue for her employer, just that she'll lose pay. I took that to mean she had some flexibility of specifying what hours she worked. Otherwise this would be a thread about how much she'll have to spend on alternative overnight childcare.

... talking of which, do you not have any friends that would look after your DD for a night? It might not cover all the 8 weeks, but it would cover some of them.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 22/05/2018 12:48

Well I would try and find alternative childcare before I would tell my boss I couldn’t work! There are childcare agencies out there for exactly this purpose. I would also ask my parents if one could stay and mind the child at my house.

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