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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my 10 year old play out unsupervised.

17 replies

Puttingthefootdown · 21/05/2018 23:02

He has just turned 10 and we live on a council estate. I have just allowed him to have a mobile phone because I will allow him to go to the corner shop for us and I do want him to keep contact with his mates. He goes to alsorts of clubs so he can also contact me while at them.

But I'm absolutely petrified of letting him play out alone. There are kids on my street that swear and are just awfully behaved. Their parents are just as bad. It's not a busy road. There is a park the street across from us. One of the kids that hangs on the street has bullied him and quite a few other children at school so I'm also worried he will bump into him.

He is a good kid, with alot of common sense and can be trusted. I just can't get over my own fear. I can feel him pushing for independence to ride his bike ect.

I just don't know what to do for the best. Is there ever a right age?

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 21/05/2018 23:09

I think 10 is old enough but the bully thing would make me uncomfortable who would he play with? Does he want to play out? YABU about the swearing and riding his bike, he will have heard swearing before and he should be able to ride his bike safely by 10.

youokayhun · 21/05/2018 23:10

We let ours play out the front (albeit we live in a "naive" village) and we aren't on a road (ours are 5,7 & nearly 9) I am apprehensive however about letting them out when at my
Mums for example which is in quite a rough area however.

I think you'd be wrong to worry about swearing though, he's 10, kids will swear and he probably hears it at school etc. That's just part of life!

Thewhale2903 · 21/05/2018 23:14

My son is 10 soon and i recently started letting him put with his friemds as long as he has his phone. He has certain places in the town he is allowed to go and takes his phone. The problem is I drove down to the shop the other day and caught his friends in the lertol station on their bikes liftingome of the petrol pumps and pretending to drink it! The petrol station was full of cars, it was 6 on a Friday night so the whole street was busy. My son wasn't with them but now I'm worried that these are the sorts of things they are doing while out! My dilemma is should I stop letting him out?
This is a relatively small town and if they were something would probably get back to me eventually but the thought of my child put causing chaos, doing dangerous and stupid things is a real worry and I would be so embarrassed.

Original poster
Puttingthefootdown · 21/05/2018 23:14

He can ride his bike fine. That's not the issue. He has friends on the next street.
These kids don't just swear. They smash cars and tell adults they are cunts if you get my drift. I dont want him dragged into that.

I want him to be able to play out, I just worry about these other kids. Its my own fear. I think he worries too because he avoids them at all costs. He told me today they surrounded one child at play time and pulled his pants down while encouraging others to point and laugh.

The school have let them get away with this so many times I'm at a loss what to do. We had to speak to the parents before but honestly nothing sinks in because he can do what he likes and they aren't nice people.

OP posts:
Thewhale2903 · 21/05/2018 23:16

Ahh I am sorry about all the typing mistakes. The cover on my phone is dreadful!

Original poster
Puttingthefootdown · 21/05/2018 23:18

@Thewhale2903
That's exactly what I worry about. Its not the swearing full stop I worry about. It's the context and everything that goes with it. The area isn't really rough. Just a few families in it. Which makes things very difficult. I also worry he may bump into them and they pinch his phone because they have form.

He has heard swearing. I slip up sometimes I'm not naive. Its the context.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 21/05/2018 23:21

Honestly I think you should let him at 10. He will either navigate the situation with the other kids or he'll stay away from them.

blueflorals · 21/05/2018 23:23

Bit unpleasant to infer it’s because it’s a council estate.

AjasLipstick · 21/05/2018 23:26

Blue OP was setting the scene and have you ever lived on a council estate? I have. I grew up on them around children like OP describes and it IS relevant because estates often have a thread of trouble running through them and you can't pretend it's not because of the demographic.

I enjoyed my childhood but did spend a lot of time avoiding kids like the ones OP describes.

BlueBug45 · 21/05/2018 23:28

Let him out.

If he's caught by you or another adult doing something inappropriate then ground him for a day. Then ground him for a longer period each time he's caught doing something you don't like until he gets the message.

If he's as good as you say he either won't misbehave, he will decide himself when he should go out, or ensure he doesn't get caught.

Original poster
Puttingthefootdown · 21/05/2018 23:30

@blueflorals
I've lived on a council estate all my life. I was simply stating what kind of an area it is and that there are some unpleasant familes because they do exsist.
But whatever Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Puttingthefootdown · 21/05/2018 23:34

@BlueBug45
Good point.

Maybe slacken the leash a little at a time. I may try him on his bike round the block for 20 minutes and expand from there. He has mates that come round alot. As they are aloud out. But I've started to feel cruel keeping him in.

We've had the talk and he know what he should avoid.

I think I just came here for reassurance as this is the first experience I've had letting a child out alone and I think we can all agree it's scary and we have worries.

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 21/05/2018 23:45

I feel you OP. We lived on a pretty vast estate up until 3 years ago when we emigrated and it's terrifying.

Are there any playscheme type things going on? At least they're supervised.

Herbalteahippie · 21/05/2018 23:47

YANBU MAYBE Just make it clear to him what is acceptable and what isn’t. He’s going to have to deal with this for as long as you are living there; I guess it’s best he learns how to co-exist and not become one of ‘them ‘. All the best xxx

Puffycat · 21/05/2018 23:57

Oh my, there’s so many points to this.
DS age is one thing but also you’ve got to think about your area and the risks and worries you have.
Your lad sounds like a good ‘un and you sound like a great mum.
Give him his space , but with rules.
The phone is always a lifeline.
I reckon bottom line is :
Shite is out there, our kids are going to come across it and we can’t protect them, all we can do is equip them with the tools they need, ie confidence, strength, morals and self respect.
Good luck!

Original poster
Puttingthefootdown · 22/05/2018 06:24

Thank you.
Yes exactly! Its not as simple as black and white. The area I live is lovely and there are a lot of bought house and great families.

Eventually we will move, but for now I need to give him a little freedom. It's just really hard considering. All I can do is hope ive brought him up right enough, that he will stay away from danger. He is involved in alot of clubs like I say, so his social circle is wide.

OP posts:
fcekinghell · 23/05/2018 18:12

In those circumstances, yes I'd supervise (or move!)

My DD plays out but we have rules - she's too stay in our street, come and tell me if she's going into a friend's house/garden, keep her phone on her, be back at certain times.

She has less freedom than kids younger than her but I don't care.

She's a good girl and is pretty good at keeping to the rules.

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