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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to worry what the doctor would think (MH related)

25 replies

Soconfusedatlife · 21/05/2018 21:55

I had a confusing childhood. My parents didn't like me and I was always being told off, with harsh punishments, not allowed to cry, make noise, do anything wrong, and was always told how I was ungrateful and they wished I hadn't been born. I'm pretty sure I ruined their life by being born. Apart from that I was mildly sexually abused (not by parents) and was bullied at school. I self harmed for many years and have always had problems with depression type symptoms. I have trouble sleeping, have dark thoughts a lot etc. I also over worry about everything and think I can't do anything right.

Part of me thinks I should try going to the doctors and talking to someone, but I am really worried about what they would think. I know there are so many others who have had it much worse than me and I guess I am worried that the doctor may think I am being silly over nothing.

What is your experience with things like this and do you think I should just suck it up and get on with life, or would a doctor be able to help?

OP posts:

knittingdad · 21/05/2018 21:59

Doctors are professionals and they will want to hear from you. Along for help is difficult, but it is absolutely the right thing to do.

You may find that you have a long wait to talk to someone who can help, but don't let that put you off. You are the sort of person the services exist to help.

MermaidUnicorn · 21/05/2018 22:00

I didn't want to read and run. You are not being silly, your gp won't think you are being silly. I hope you find the help you need. Good luck

knittingdad · 21/05/2018 22:04

Sorry, asking for help is difficult. As is, apparently, proofreading.

I eventually managed to ask for help and, like you I felt guilty about wasting their time, but they reassured me that I wasn't and I'm much better than I was.

raspberrylipbalm · 21/05/2018 22:06

My experience is that a doctor will be able to help you. What you've described is NOT being silly over nothing. You do need help, and your GP should be able to point you in the right direction, whether that's counselling or medication or both. You could ask at your GP practice if any of the GPs has expertise in mental health, and then ask to see him/her. Another option for getting counselling is to talk to MIND - they sometimes offer free sessions, and I found them very helpful.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out for you.

Phoenix76 · 21/05/2018 22:07

I can’t imagine any doctor not taking seriously what you have said. People see doctors for much less. You are worthwhile and extremely brave. Everything that has happened to you is NOT your fault and you deserve nothing less than some help in trying to make sense of it all. You will probably be referred for counselling and while you’re waiting maybe some medication to see you through. You must bare no shame and I wish you as much help and support as you need.

lhastingsmua · 21/05/2018 22:11

I think they will take you seriously, but counselling etc will be a long process as referral waiting lists are quite long

AntiHop · 21/05/2018 22:13

You're not being silly. You deserve help to process all those awful things that happened to you.

bridgetreilly · 21/05/2018 22:13

It doesn't matter about other people's experiences. There's always someone who's had it worse. What matters is that you need help and you should not be ashamed to go and ask for it. Let them decide if you're wasting their time (you won't be), not you.

bridgetreilly · 21/05/2018 22:14

Oh, and yes definitely they will be able to help you. There may be medication that is appropriate, as well as referral for counselling. The waiting lists vary depending on where you live. When I had NHS counselling it was about 2 weeks for the initial assessment then about 6 weeks for the first appointment.

Wolfiefan · 21/05/2018 22:15

None of that is nothing. It's not silly. What have you got to lose by reaching out for help?

BettyBaggins · 21/05/2018 22:21

Start with the Dr, waiting times may mean a bit of a wait. Can you afford private counselling? We have a service in our town where people can access counselling quickly, for a donation, 6 weeks only but provided grief counselling for me when I really needed it. I found it via a google search for 'free counselling townname'.

You deserve some happiness, you are valuable

Original poster

Soconfusedatlife · 21/05/2018 22:22

Thanks for your replies, it makes me feel a bit better to think that I might be taken seriously and not thought stupid.

Counselling scares me, do they just sit and wait for you to talk or do they ask questions? I’ve never told anyone about this stuff before and would have no idea what to say or where to begin if that’s what happens

OP posts:

knittingdad · 21/05/2018 22:43

Counselling can vary depending on the type, but generally speaking they are the people who know how to make it work and so they will lead the process and ask you questions.

The questions might be quite broad and open at first, but starting with what you have written here would then lead them to ask more questions to guide the conversation.

You might find that you end up giving the same introduction to your feelings to several different people - your GP, a specialist Dr at a screening appointment and then a counsellor.

Fruitcorner123 · 21/05/2018 23:02

I have had counselling twice. The first time was unhelpful, the second time i found useful. She just asked general queations and let me do the talking. She did do more than question though she did discuss things with me a bit. Your GP might suggest CBT too. Anti depressants have been amazing for me. Don't be scared of them they can really work. for you. Let the doc help you, its their job

MrsBobDylan · 21/05/2018 23:18

I think you may benefit enormously from counselling. Your parents were cruel to you and unsurprisingly, you find it hard to ask for help or to believe you deserve help.

I had a crap childhood and spent quite a few years in counselling which helped me a great deal. I have lots of anxiety and have recently chosen to go onto an anti-anxiety medication and start CBT in an attempt to get gone the last of the shit legacy left to me by my parents.

I think you should go for it.

numptynuts · 21/05/2018 23:22

No you don't just suck it up. Go get the help and support you need. It's extremely traumatic what you went through as a child and a GP would take that very seriously. You deserve to feel better

PerfectlyDone · 21/05/2018 23:29

There's always somebody 'worse off than you'.
And reminding ourselves of what's good in our lives is not a bad thing either.

BUT - this is your cross to bear - don't minimise it.
Please do seek help.
You do not have to continue living carrying this on your own.

And any experienced GP will have stories very similar to yours before, sadly

UpstartCrow · 21/05/2018 23:30

@Soconfusedatlife Idk if this will help, but what you're saying isn't at all extreme or unusual. It shouldn't shock any healthcare professional you talk to. and they shouldn't judge you - you were a child. you didnt choose the type of parenting or childhood you got.

Counselling is terrifying for just the reason you gave. Before you start you can't imagine how you'll fill an hour, but a good counsellor will guide you, listening and asking the right questions.
Another type of therapy is CBT, which is more like practical problem solving. Its useful once you've identified problems you want to fix. I'd suggest you have counselling first, then later on, have some CBT.

Before you start, you cant imagine what you'll get out of it. You may start to feel worse as you explore what you've been through, as to a certain extent you have to revisit and relive it.

But you will start to feel very different, you'll be more connected with yourself. For example, do you ever find yourself wondering how you feel, or feeling numb? Or do you every find yourself tensed up like you are expecting something bad to happen and you don't know why? You'll learn to allow yourself to feel and explore your emotions. It might feel like hard work at first but its also liberating.

agnurse · 21/05/2018 23:39

There are different types of counselling, such as CBT, solution-focused therapy, and others. The counsellor will ask you questions and teach you techniques to handle your thoughts.

Believe me, your doctor won't think your behaviour is anything about which to be ashamed. 1 in 4 people suffers from mental illness and 1 in 5 people suffers from depression. Your history makes you especially at risk. I'm sure this will be nothing your doctor hasn't heard before.

I urge you to seek help. There are very effective treatments for depression and the outlook could be very good.

Ginkypig · 21/05/2018 23:42

Sweetheart there is no mild sexual abuse.

Abuse is abuse no mater what form it takes (as you have experienced more than one "type") or where on the spectrum of supposed seriousness of it. However it has affected you is valid and real no matter if someone else may have not been as affected that's irrelevant.

Don't worry about going to the gp. If they are good at their job you shouldn't walk out feeling judged or feeling like your making a big deal over nothing.

I'm sorry those things happened to you

carriebella7 · 21/05/2018 23:47

100% go see a doctor. They won't think you're silly. They are there to help. They will listen to you completely and will help you come up with a plan together.

MrsDilber · 21/05/2018 23:48

If you're nervous about what to say, about if it'll come out wrong, write it down, just like you have to us, and give it direct to your gp. I've done this and they were glad of it.

Good luck op 💐

carriebella7 · 21/05/2018 23:49

I've done counselling for my dad dying. And it's not anything like the movies. They don't ask you and almost force you to talk about it. They just talk to you. Normal conversations until you in some way start opening up on your own. Yes there will be a bit of guided conversation topics but it won't feel like they are forcing things out of you. Good luck!!

user1473878824 · 21/05/2018 23:59

I haven’t read all the replies so apologies if I’m repeating anything but oh my love, go to the doctor. I had it far easier than you but grew up thinking there must be something intrinsically wrong with me, just some little bit of me that was bad, because I felt like there must be because my own father didn’t seem to love me. It isn’t true, it’s not me, it’s him. And it isn’t you at all. You haven’t ruined their lives, their faults are making you think there is something wrong with you. Please go and see your GP. They aren’t going to think anything other than how they can make you feel better about yourself - because you deserve to. I self harmed as a teenager and would never have spoken to anyone about it but actually that’s all I wanted. And actually if I had done, it would have made a huge difference. You are worth being looked after and going to the doctor is the start of that.

Sparkles1992 · 22/05/2018 00:50

You poor thing I hope you get the help you need

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