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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly annoyed at my BIL????

43 replies

DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 09:17

It is my sisters birthday today.

My other sisters and I had planned on visiting her with a few bottles of wine, some already cooked food, and a cake.

So my sister called BIL through the week to ask him if he had anything planned for sis. He said no, though he had an opticians appointment at 6pm. That was fine, sis said, as we were coming about 6.30/7pm, it doesn't matter of BIL is there or not.

My older sister called birthday girl and said she would be visiting her, she said leave it to 8.30/9pm as she was going to optician app with dh!!

9pm is just too late, we all have very young children and their usual bedtimes are around 7 but if we were at sis house by that time, it would be much easier to keep them awake!

Anyway I text sis last night to say I would be over about 6/7 to see her, as the kids need to go to bed [didn't say everyone was coming with cake etc..] She text me back saying "sorry, won't be in, ta for pressies tho!" [I give her them on Tuesday]

So I called my older sister who said that she told BIL we were all coming, and then she was talking to sis who said BIL asked her to go to opticians with him, as he hates talking to people and never has anything to say and he wants her to choose new glasses for him.

WTF is he playing at?? I think he doesn't want us there I was going to call him and ask him to tell her he doesn't need her to go, but I am too cross.

[and am quite prepared to be told I am being unreasonable, so won't flounce]

He is a prat who can't even get his eyes tested without her holding his hand!

I'm not going now, it's too late to be travelling 30 miles just for an hour or two.

OP posts:
JodieG1 · 18/05/2007 09:21

Well she's his wife and if she wants to help him then she can. Maybe he has an anxiety disorder which makes life hard for him? His appt was booked before he knew about you wanting to visit after all and maybe he wants to take her out alone for her birthday or had his own plans for them?

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 09:23

If he had his own plans he would have said when our other sis called through the week.

He has no anxiety disorder.

He seems to be telling us that he will sort it, but telling her that he wants her to go with him.

OP posts:
compo · 18/05/2007 09:23

It's always best to ask the person whose birthday it is what they would like to do I find.
She might rather be with her dh than her sister's tbh.

JodieG1 · 18/05/2007 09:29

Maybe he planned a surprise for her or just didn't want to tell other people?

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 09:29

Yeah

I'd rather be picking glasses too, then getting pissed

Aw well, whatever. Seems to me, now she's already got the gifts she doesn't give a stuff.

She's just moved to a new house, and doesn't like anyone with children visiting her, I guess that's got a lot to do with it

OP posts:
JodieG1 · 18/05/2007 09:30

Also you might not know if he has anxiety issues.

compo · 18/05/2007 09:30

so for her birthday you want to go round there with your kids? Not just the sister's but kids as well?

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 09:31

I have grown up with him all my life. I know he hasn't.

What I do know though, is that she comes here to see me and goes to my other sisters houses to visit us, as she hates our children in her house.

She has a dd of her own who isn't allowed out of her room..

Anyway, I geddit. IABU

OP posts:
themoon66 · 18/05/2007 09:32

No. You are not being unreasonable. BiL knew you were all going, but still asked her to go pick glasses with him. I'd not worry about it TBH... drink the wine yourself, at home.

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 09:32

We were throwing her a party... even my mum and dad were going to go. Her dh ok'd it.

Except now, on the day, after we have gotten a cake etc... he says he wants her to go to optician to hold his hand.

OP posts:
seamonster · 18/05/2007 09:32

I suppose it depends on when he asked her to go with him.

themoon66 · 18/05/2007 09:33

Her own DD isn't allowed out of her room??? WTF??

WanderingTrolley · 18/05/2007 09:37

Agree with compo - best to make arrangements with birthday girl.

He may have had a quiet word with her, warning her of the 'surprise' she may not want, the optician's appointment might be for something else they want to keep private, it could be any number of things. Maybe your sister doesn't like the idea of getting pissed with the kids there?

I think you intentions are fab, I would love to have sisters to bring me wine and cake on my birthday, but the problem with springing surprises is that the surprisee doesn't know about it - so you can't blame them for not acting according to your plan.

Your BIL might just be a bit dozy, though.

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 09:38

Her dd is 9 and has everything a child could want/need. She hd a tv and dvd player and a fridge in her room.

She sits either in her bedroom or a spare room where all her toys/computer games are.

My other sister just called and said she's not going over at 9pm.

Birthday sis is the youngest and has always been spoiled, but as she has moved house and has been very good to me during a bad time last year, pkus is godmother to 4 of her nieces and nephews we decided to treat her this birthday.

They had a surprise for me in January and they told me dh all about it, he co-operated wheilst they took me for a meal and the BIL and brothers were all in the pub after our meal, it was lovely.

IABU, it's fine

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 18/05/2007 09:39

Please read my last sentence as 'Your BIL might be a lot of a plonker, though.'

Have party at your house. Invite your neice and not your sis or BIL.

Not allowed out of her room?! In which century are they living?

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 09:42

What the hell are we going to do with a huge birthday cake???????

He should have said before we ordered a cake

No, I know for a fact that if he had told her about the surprise, she would have made sure to be home! We really are all very close, honestly.

OP posts:
JodieG1 · 18/05/2007 09:45

I don't think it matters how close anyone is you just don't know what goes on in other people's relationships and maybe they just wanted to spend her birthday together.

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 09:48

It'll be the first night in their year long marriage that he has bothered, but then it is for him I suppose.

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 18/05/2007 09:54

Phone your sister now. Sod the surprise. Tell her there's cake and wine chez you from 7pm and her arsehole isn't invited.

Original poster
DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 10:04

My older sister just called him and siad that we were going to be there round 6.30 and for him to leave a key fr us to get in, we would have the party ready for when they get back.

He said "You know what she's like about mess."
said he will call sis and tell her he is going on to the appointment from work.

TBH I don't want to go anymore. Nothing worse than not being allowed to drop a crumb. Last time we visited she made everyone sit in one room with no shoes on, I didn't mind, but for all the men it was horrible. She doesn't even have any carpet or anything to be getting dirty.

Will see what happens anyway.

OP posts:
MsTash · 18/05/2007 10:20

oh dear, sounds like a miserable night, is there no way you can celebrate at your other sister or at your parents? just to have a get together? If not tonight nthen over the weekend?

I have to say, I hate hosting a party ta my house on my birthday, it is just all the running around I end up doing, makes me grumpy, I would much rather go out.

browncat · 18/05/2007 10:25

It does sound as if BIL is being unfair- only thing is if he needs to choose new glasses he really needs someone to be with him, to help choose them- i had to do this for my dh BUT it wasn't on my birthday and i would have much prefered spending time with my sisters drinking wine etc.

compo · 18/05/2007 10:28

okay, sounds like the issue is the mess. Well I suppose if she is that way inclined then it doesn seem mean to make her host her own b/day arty. Can you have it at yours tonight?

AnneJones · 18/05/2007 10:28

YANBU - he sounds like a right selfish prat. What a mean thing to scupper a party for your own wife. If he had this appt he could have suggeste dyou came another night or moved it - any number of other arrangements. Not surprised you are p'd off. I would be.

compo · 18/05/2007 10:28

I would ring her and say everyone is coing over to mine, we have birthday cake and wine. Come whenever you want. And then you and the rest of the family can have a good time with or without her