Or are my parents?

[stripesandsocks]

My dc is the first grandchild on both sides. My parents have struggled to adjust since her arrival and have crossed many boundaries.

My in laws on the other hand are lovely, a genuine pleasure to be around and great parents/grandparents. Never any issues there.

I can't seem to mention my in laws in general conversation without a bitchy comment or I'm then given the silent treatment, it's very odd. My DF will ask if we've seen my in laws at the weekend and if I say yes, he will get shitty and say well when will we be seeing you next. The tone of the conversation is very cold and I'm left feeling like I need to apologise but I don't think I'm doing anything wrong!!

We generally see them both every other weekend for the same amount of time. I do see MIL once midweek on my own, but I'm forever offering the same to my Mum on another day midweek and she always declines.

I'm 8 months pregnant so very hormonal and the conversation with my Dad yesterday has really upset me. They asked if we had seen the in laws so I said no not at the weekend but I saw MIL on Friday and dc said her name for the first time, it was really cute! Expecting an answer along the lines of "that's great" or "what a clever girl" instead I'm met with cold silence. It's extremely awkward and I don't know how to proceed.

AIBU? I don't mention my in laws unless asked and I don't see why I should lie about who we've seen to please them.

Any advice would be really appreciated.

I am always amazed at the way that parents deal with nosiness, I told my mother There are only two opinions that count and neither's yours, worked a treat. Living a couple of thousand miles away did too, questions regarding the children were never answered.

My parents are like this unfortunately and are retired now so have a lot of time on their hands but only see their GC once a month maybe.
I've waited years for them to change but they haven't I've also been upset as you are but now I've come to accept it's how they are and now I don't tell them anything so they can't get jealous. I don't tell them who I've seen, been out with or stuff like that. They ask what I've been up to and I say not much. Believe me I hate it but nothing else for it.

Thanks again for all your helpful and kind replies.

My parents are draining to be honest and I just wish it was easy to talk to them. I would love to go with pigmcpigface's suggestion but I'm certain it will result in being told I'm causing trouble and then they'll be behaving like the victims, thus making the situation worse.

I think I'll try pink's suggestion first of ignoring the tone and answering in a cheerful and breezy manner.

Then if they probe I'll try Hathaway's suggestion to remind them that it isn't a competition, shut the conversation down and move on to another subject.

To make matters worse we wanted to give dc2 a name after a close relative on DH's side, but I'm terrified shit will really hit the fan if we do!

Give your DC the name you want to - I know it is so hard when it feels like your parents have such a hold over your life and you're scared of their reactions but don't change your mind if you'd regret using a different name to try and placate your parents. Unfortunately the likelihood is that something else will offend them anyway even if you did use a different name. Use the one you want to

Why do you have to tell them it’s after someone else though? Just say you really like the name.

Same as commenting about DC saying MIL name - your parents don’t need to hear about that sort of stuff.