Currently having this row with 16 year old DS as platonic female friend slept in his room last night - I had said fine to stay over but separate rooms - they had stayed up late after I had gone to bed and he said he just nodded off and hadn't meant to stay in with her.
My house rules are it's ok to have a girl in his room with door shut during day, I always knock before going in. He had a lovely girlfriend for a few months at the beginning of the year and I am under no illusions of what they were probably getting up to. However no girls allowed on sleepovers unless in different rooms though, my thinking is that that is very different and I feel a responsibility towards the girls. I don't know his female friend's parents and don't know what they would be happy with or what they have been told about sleeping arrangements. At that age they often don't have the confidence or maturity to be able to say 'stop' or 'no' if things are going further than they want and it's so much harder to do that in the middle of the night in a bed than during the afternoon when the girl could choose to leave the house and go home.
Once he and a future girlfriend are 18, if they are in a relationship for a while then I'm happy to imagine sleeping over will be fine with me. I just don't fancy trying to police this at 16 years old so have I have the 'seperate sleeping rooms for girls, whether girlfriend or platonic friend' rule. DS thinks I'm being old fashioned and not trusting him to know how to behave, thinks I am overreacting. Interested to hear how you choose how to do this and what you do/don't allow - AIBU?