To ask how long it took your child to be happy to say goodbye at nursery

[Jenala]

DS is nearly 3 and started nursery in February, two mornings a week. The first few sessions he was tearful then I left but then he was fine. It was so good, he'd hug me, say bye and run off happily. We had 5 or so weeks of this and then he cried again one morning. Now he cries and clings every time and has to be peeled off me. It's been over 2 months of this now. He stops within 5 or 10 minutes and is absolutely fine when he is there. He is always enthusiastic in the mornings before we go but slowly gets sadder as we approach his room. It's killing me leaving him I feel awful. Is this a variant of normal or not? I dread Mondays not because of work but because I've got to drop him. I try and stay upbeat when I drop him off and don't let him see I now feel sad too.

For info his brother is nearly 1 so he is adjusting to me now going back to work from maternity but the crying started again before I went back to work in April.

Will this settle? Is there anything I can do? Would like to hear others experiences. I feel like all I hear is how much others kids love nursery and rarely get upset and feel like I'm doing something wrong.

DD1 never did. DH refused to take her in the end because he hated the tears every morning.
I'm a bit thicker skinned 😀. But she was always smiling when I looked through the window 30 seconds after prising her fingers off my coat.

20 minutes. I have the opposite to you.

But there was a little boy who started with DD at the same age as yours and it took weeks. But finally, he settled. At the graduation I remember seeing him sat at the front of the group, with a massive smile, next to his best friend. He had a really positive experience and worked through it.

I saw his mum at the shops recently and she said he was very nervous starting big school but because they had stuck with nursery, she was confident.

We are 6 weeks in and it's 50/50 whether or not we get tears at drop off. According to the nursery it's totally normal and some kids will always be upset at drop off, it only becomes a problem if they don't settle after you've gone.

My DD normally forgets within about 30 seconds that I've gone so although we get tears initially, She is soon happily playing

My lo started at a much younger age so it’s difficult to compare. It did take her a good couple of months maybe more to settle. How do you know he is fine whilst there?

Well I guess I don't know exactly how he's feeling when I'm gone but his keyworker says he doesn't cry again after that initial goodbye. I sometimes ring mid morning to see how he's doing and it's always that he calmed down within 5 minutes and hasn't been upset since. So he's able to at least get comfort from staff etc. The goodbye is just hard.

I think it's harder because I experience him leaving me totally happily for weeks then suddenly the tears came back and haven't gone since

What days does he go? If there are big gaps between going that might not help? We did 3 days Mon wed and Fri to try and make it more regular.

I used to work in a nursery and we use to have a child who would come every day, and SCREAM bloody murder when Mum was dropping him off. He’d sniffle for a couple of minutes after his Mum had left, but after that he was absolutely fine! Smiling, laughing, and playing with the other children as if nothing had happened. It can be so hard leaving them, especially when they’re so upset. Can you hang around out of sight to watch him for 5 minutes after you’ve left? I think If you see how quickly he calms down it may put your mind at ease. I do understand how upsetting it is, my DD was absolutely fine from the get go, then after 2/3 months it seemed to hit her and she’d get upset whenever I dropped her off.
This will, like all things, pass.

My kids all started happy then came the crying after a week to two weeks the girls took a month or so of crying but not sobbing or having to be pulled off me. My son was worse and it did go on for a few months of sobbing and clinging to me and it broke my heart, but the same as you, was fine after ten mins or so. His teachers were amazing and comforted him alot. He will get there. Carry on doing what you are and before you know it be will be running in not even looking back then your heart will break for that too. We cant win, mummy guilt is always there.

The girls then did the same starting school and im expecting my son too in August.

Petty wondering if you were my sons teacher 😂 so many do it. Its a big change for them isnt it.