Family member's behaviour

[TheFirstMrsOsmond]

Please tell me if my reaction to this is unreasonable:

My father is in his 90s and still lives in his own home but is alone there since his wife developed dementia and she now lives in a care home. She is not my mother but he has been married to her since I was 10 so I have known her for almost 50 years.

My step-mother has only one blood relation, a cousin who comes to see her from time to time and he also visits my father at his house. On a recent visit the cousin asked if he could have one of the paintings in the house and indicated another framed item which his wife had always liked and asked if she could have that? My father knew that this second item was something that I had had made for my step-mother as a special gift for her 80th birthday and so told the cousin that he would have to check with me as I might like to have it. I don't think my father would have told me about the cousin asking for these pieces if it weren't for my particular connection to the second item.

AIBU to feel that there is something unseemly and quite predatory about the cousin doing this, when the two of them are still alive?

Thanks Teeniemiff....it's something maybe not thought about, or actioned, until dementia has onset, and then it's too late in one sense, and the whole rigmarole of POA, including social work interviews, court hearing, lawyers fees, care home interviews etc is now the only option..

I know the Will isn't your concern at the moment, but it may become so in the future, if the cousin is being mercenary.

Would you feel ok if your relatives turned up at your house and asked for a picture off your wall? No? Then it is not ok to do that and your dad should say no.

I would use the wanting th eitem that you made as a conversation starter.

It isn't right, they way that it was asked for, but perhaps the Cousin feels that they will be forgotten, as her only relative, once she dies.

The age your Father is, it certainly be appropriate to bring it up after her death.

Yes, its ok to be upset about, I would feel odd about it too. Maybe the cousin is thinking that when his Aunt dies he may loose touch.

Its difficult because you dont know how the conversation happened, it may be they were having a sensible conversation about the executorship.

I would feel uncomfortable too about the pictures (worth some ££?) but try to bear in mind that you will still have your Dad. And your cousin has good taste if you bought the pic!