Just don't know what to say

[inlawsareasses]

I've been out with a friend as has my OH yet again I've got abusive messages and then abuse when he's got in

How do you make a clean break how easy is it to walk away from the person you've been with for all of your adult life?

I never thought I'd write this ever

It's simple but not easy.

There's the practical stuff (ducks in a row - documents, evidence, financial paperwork)

Then there's the emotional stuff. Which is harder but not impossible.

Do you have DC? Outside support?

There's no need for ducks in a row as such the house is jointly owned and I earn 4x more
It's the emotional stuff apart from being a nob tonight he's actually a nice bloke (I know!) But I feel we've outgrown each other and this is not good for either of us

I have friends and some family support I'm sure I'll be fine
I never wanted this for my kids though I was proud to have been a teenager when pregnant and gained a degree etc

It sounds like you are in a relatively good position for separation, OP. It will still take you a while to get over the separation though, be prepared.

Have you heard of the cycle of abuse? Being 'nice' sometimes is how they keep you around.

The cliché of wife batterer getting the wife flowers the next day...

If you've reached the tipping point, it's not too hard, especially in your circumstances which sound similar to mine. The hardest thing was getting him to understand that this really was the end, because I'd said so many times that I was unhappy and things needed to change (and they never did, despite promises).

In fact he still doesn't understand why I "dumped him" seven years later!

But once I made that final decision I just told everyone and started the process. That sounds horribly cold, but 30 years of abuse meant I had to be resolute, and I had the support of all my family and friends who were so relieved I'd finally left.

Looking back, and sitting here in my lovely peaceful home which I share with a gentle, kind and loving man who I've been with for the past four years, I'm so glad I made that final decision.

Good luck.

My childhood sweetheart dumped me after spending our adult lives together. This was after critisising every single thing I said or did. If I got drunk on a night out (as twenty somethings do) he would say I was a disgrace and should be ashamed. He was a university educated posh boy from a nice family but still acted like a prick. I was devastated when he left me but mainly because it was all I had know. Now I realise it was the best thing that ever happened to me and it was fab learning to become and adult in my own right. Just do it OP, you won’t look back.

Thank you all.
I'm frightened not of him but of getting it all wrong and making a massive mistake.

It's so difficult because he truly isn't a bad person but he has the ability to twist and turn things so I think they're my fault.

My professional brain tells me we would both be happier apart I suppose that us my rational brain, the other part of me is a jumbled mess of what it's.

Living in a miserable relationship is a million times harder than leaving. You have a massive part of your life left to live. Don't waste it.

It seems difficult when you've been with someone forever because it's hard to imagine life without them, and the unknown is scary.

But ask anyone who's been through it and you'll be hard pressed to find someone who says they regret leaving.