To think she doesn't want me as a bridesmaid

[Jimwenttothedarklands]

My sister is getting married in December.
I live in Scotland. She lives in Leeds.
We aren't close but get on. Text regularly but don't call. She's nice and not being a bridezilla.
She didn't ask me to be a BM (and nor did I) but at some point she said she "assumed" I would be. I was very happy to be.

I offered to organise a hen do. She said someone else was which is OK. She has since said twice via text that I am welcome to come but "it's not really my thing" (without saying what it is) and "it's a long way for me to come" and she'd understand if I didn't want to come.
Each time I replied saying I am excited about it and meeting her other other bms and celebrating with her.
She's basically saying she doesn't want me to come though isn't she?

I've also helped find the specific type of band she wanted and a florist as bizarrely someone I work with got married at the same venue - which I would have done anyway - but I'm not just sat here doing nothing.

I've told her to let me know when she wants to go bm dress shopping and I'll come down. I've said I'm happy to work around her dates. She sent me a text today with a picture of her and the other 3 bms shopping for dresses. She said she's looking at high street shops so I can just order the dress easily without travelling.

I know it's not about me. Whatever goes on I'll smile and be genuingely happy for her but I'm hurt and I wish she'd just asked me to come as a normal guest as she obviously doesn't want me as a bm and is doing it because she feels she should.

It sounds that way. Could your parents have said that you should be and she has gone along with that? I would probably speak to her and say something like 'i feel mum (or whoever) has put you up to this' (or was she yours and feels should reciprocate?) 'i really do not mind if you would prefer just your friends to be bms as you are all a group, you're not obliged to have me as bm' and hope that she sees sense.

I agree it sounds like she doesnt want you at hen do might be becauae you wouldnt approve of or appreciate wht thwy are planning. Are you quite different in tastes and personlities. I am sure she does want you as bridesmaid becuase she didn't have to have you and she has. I would guess the shopping thing was just that you live so far away.

She probably thinks it's a long way for you to travel, in fact she said that didn't she? I get what she says about 'hen do's' - you go out on the town, dressed in something stupid, and get so pissed you fall over in the street and make a spectacle of yourself. Really, you need to ask her about the bridesmaid thing, don't you? Nicely and gently, not in an accusing way

Like single, I'd assume she genuinely thinks it would be too far to travel. I'd be thinking the same (if I were her). I don't think she doesn't want you to be bridesmaid, I just think she is having a low key approach, and doing what she can to avoid using up all your weekends and money.

She "assumed" that you'd be a bridesmaid = she would like you to be there, and thought you'd be hurt if you weren't in the wedding party.

Talk to her. Now, before it's too late, and you're miserably holding her train while every other bridesmaid has been celebrating with her, without you.

If you're not bothered either way, tell her that. Before it becomes too uncomfortable. If she wants you as one, she'll quickly set the record straight.

Could you call her and talk about this?

Yes just be very brave and call her ! MN can not answer here