child illness and contact order

[Whatiwishfor]

Hi there its a very long story so will try and keep it short and to the point.

I have a contact order and a residency order. My child wasnt well this morning so said no to contact but said my other child could go. My ill child had been off school on Friday and has generally got a really nasty bug. My stbxh said that im breaking the court order, i know 100% im not but as im due back in court with him soon and he is a repeat lier im concerned. Anyone else had experience of this kind of thing. Its a never ending battle with him, theres an issue every week.

How old is your dd btw?

Your STBXH is a prick and would be laughed at in that situation for taking it back to court.

Of course a sick child doesn't want to leave the house and go anywhere else, even to their other parents. When DS1 here is unwell I phone his Dad, let him know DS1 is unwell and we agree to sort out another time/date because he knows that it's not about whose time it is to have him but what's best for DS1 (and what's best for unwell children is generally being left to recuperate in peace).

That sounds horrendous and I'm sure you are feeling very low after such a difficult weekend.

Unfortunately I've no useful experience it advice, I hope things will improve soon

Thank you. My daughter has just turned 5.
Shes off school today and may well be off tomorrow too, but is certainly a lot better. He does not have any respect for medical professionals so is not good at keeping to medical advise. Eg will take one of the children swimming even if their medical notes says not too.

Hes been threatened with a restraining order twice, but he does not care as he thinks its "just a woman's thing"
Lifes even more difficult as he will not discuss anything with me and i mean anything. He dictates everything even to the point of how i act when he collects the children, eg do not talk to me, do not put your head in my car and do not get the children out of my car!!! I worry that he has a personality disorder. Im convinces hes looses sense of reality, eg generally believes his own lies, is detached emotionally from the children and can only see the world from his perspective. Hes also very very obsessive, would have weeks of being obsessed by something or someone. He drops people at the drop of a hat and can emotionally detach at a frightening rate. But is also very very manipulative and bullish, i guess now i can see that it runs in his family. I worry as my young son is also very domineering and controlling, im terrified he will grow up and follow the family footprints.
Even though he left me and the kids over a year ago, he still bullies and tries to control me, through the children, finances and at one point through the house that we still jointly own.
Im tired of it all i just want to get on and enjoy my life with the children.

A tip for spelling diarrhoea correctly:

Dash In A Real Rush Hurry Or Else Accident

Document everything.

Keep texts child-focused.

Would have been helpful for example for you to say in reply to the dictating texts 'You haven't asked how she is in all this - just to let you know she is a little better than yesterday but really not good. I called 111and waiting for an appointment at the hospital, I'll let you know what they say straight away.'

So ignore the bullying and reply completely focusing on being a good co-parent. Just don't even acknowledge bullying.

Re the giving you orders, a friend found it very useful to reply to all this in a tone suggesting that all the orders were a sign of him not being able to cope with normal interaction. This really helped - it turned it around and made him look neurotic, without her ever really saying that. He felt a tit and a lot of it stopped.

So:

'Don't put your head in my car. Don't get them out of the car'

'Yes, that's fine. Whatever makes it easier for you. I can understand it might be upsetting for you.'

'Don't even talk to me.'
'If it's easier on you we can speak just through text messages? Let me know what you can cope with and I will do my best.'

Really worked.

Thank you
Yes i only ever discuss the children, never anything else. I irgore his agression towards me, iv researched it and and try to go "gray rock". But hes relentless. Maybe it will get easier when the house is in my name as then he wont be able to threaten to come in (hes knows hes not allowed to)
I did think about responding like that Fizzygreenwater, but the correspondence is used at court, so need to be careful what i say and not appear to wind him up. I think in the circumstances its best to just ignore it all.
So today the school have phoned to say that hes disputing the children's school menu asking for them to be on a vegan diet. He has not mentioned this to me so have tried to be underhand about it all contacting the school first. The school are wise to him so they of course contact me. This is just about control, nothing else. The children are very young so its certainly not their request. Silly man

Yes my friend does the 'grey rock' thing with her abusive ex and contact. What FizzyGreen has suggested, totally, very clever way of doing things. Just to let you know as you haven't asked, she is still unwell etc, taking her to the Drs. Then, took her to the Drs and they said she had virus and to stay in doors etc, so its all documented.

You did the right thing. A person like that does not put a child's best interests and well being first, it is all about them. I good parent would say "fine that's ok, we will do contact when she is better, Give X a big hug from Daddy and will call tonight to see how she is". Not this, how he is being, he does not give a shit.