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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About the dogs?

25 replies

Ashedload · 19/05/2018 10:45

I am due my second LO soon. My parents have offered to travel to come and help out in the early days as we already have a toddler. They have visited a few times and insist on bringing a few of their dogs - count 5 or 6 out of a possible 9 (small breeds).
We have made allowances in the past but last time was a nightmare. The dogs barked non-stop, messed all over the house and tore apart the back garden. One of the dogs has started to nip also, which causes me serious concerns for our toddler. We have recently moved into our first bought home and we are working towards getting it right for us. With the new baby, the toddler and the ill health of one parent I’m petrified that it will be a repeat of last time and we will end up having to dash about with tissue / floor cleaner whilst trying to manage the kids. Not to mention this is our toddler’s house too, I don’t see why she should be stopped from playing / dashing about to avoid one of the dogs!

I want to ask parents to leave all dogs behind if they come but I’m worried that I am BU due to them effectively coming to help, as well as needing to pay to make the trip. They will have to pay for kennels.

Thoughts? Please be kind!

OP posts:
GalwayWayfarer · 19/05/2018 10:47

If you need their assistance could you offer to contribute to kennel / dog sitter costs? Totally understand why you don't want them all with a baby and toddler!

User467 · 19/05/2018 10:51

I think it would be very unreasonable for your parents to think they could bring 5 dogs to your house when you have just had a baby!! Especially if it would bring the chaos you described. Any help they could be contributing by being there will be totally wiped out by the facts that's there's 5 dogs. It may make it difficult for them but that is part of the consequence of choosing to have so many dogs

Original poster
Ashedload · 19/05/2018 10:52

With a new baby on the way we don’t have much money going spare, what with the new house purchase and renovation so I honestly don’t think we’d be in a position to contribute which is what makes me feel so terrible in asking. We don’t need their help per se but they really would like to be there and involved and we agreed on that basis as they live elsewhere and missed that stuff with our first.

OP posts:
SilverHairedCat · 19/05/2018 10:56

No offering of money for dog care, it's their decision to have 9(!!!) dogs. They know what that means.

Ask them not to bring any dogs, totally reasonable.

Whatdoiladymcbeth · 19/05/2018 10:57

If you’re in need of their help, I would dog proof the house. Put some chicken wire in the garden and something shaddy and they can spend the day outside. I might even consider getting a play pen so they can be contained in the house. Plenty of walks will keep them tired too. Of course, not for you to do!

altiara · 19/05/2018 11:01

I’d ask them not to bring the dogs and if that means they can’t come, then they can’t come.

Mammasmitten · 19/05/2018 11:05

Yanbu

Glumglowworm · 19/05/2018 11:06

Do you need their help? And how badly do you need it?

The chaos of five badly trained dogs descending on your house when you have a toddler or a newborn is only worth it if that’s better than just being you, DP and the DC. And honestly I’m amazed if it’s worth it.

JamPasty · 19/05/2018 11:08

We don’t need their help per se - then you don't need to put up with the dogs. Totally reasonable to ask them to leave the dogs behind. Who on earth brings multiple ill-trained dogs to a house with a new baby and toddler?!!

Original poster
Ashedload · 19/05/2018 11:09

I don’t think we need the help, as such. It would be nice to have my parents there of course to be involved as they don’t get much of chance due to distance but I agreed mostly for them. I didn’t think about the dogs until it was mentioned that they were preparing things for them too.

OP posts:
PorkyPortia · 19/05/2018 11:10

As a dog lover I'd say YANBU . It will be stressful for you , your family and the dogs
They should understand and make arrangements for their dogs if they want to come

NotMyCircusMonkeys · 19/05/2018 11:11

Where are the other three or four dogs staying? Can't the others stay with them?

Original poster
Ashedload · 19/05/2018 11:17

I think the others are being left with friends who can handle them.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 19/05/2018 11:20

I've got a very active terrier and, to be honest, I leave her with people or in the house when I go to visit anyone with children.

The trouble is, people love their dogs like you love your babies, and they can't always see that it's not appropriate to bring them. 'They're only playing', when they jump and nip and yap.

Can't the people looking after the others, have all of them? If you ask them to keep the visit short?

Floralnomad · 19/05/2018 11:21

I’d just tell them it’s no dogs allowed , sounds like they’d be more of a hinderence than a help anyway .

Aprilmightbemynewname · 19/05/2018 11:23

4 ddogs here but never would I expect invites to cover them!
Send doggy hotel suggestions to your dm!

Original poster
Ashedload · 19/05/2018 11:24

I think the problem with a short visit is that it takes them a while to travel here - ferry plus drive so a day will be travel either way. I don’t think anyone else is willing to have all 9 dogs for a week! Suppose this is why I feel really concerned about asking as I can see it turning into bit of an argument when we just don’t want the dogs here.

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 19/05/2018 11:28

If even their friends are unwilling to take these dogs on, then they must be pretty hard work! I think you're going to have to put your foot down and say 'mum don't get me wrong, I love the dogs but I can't face having them here.'

Maelstrop · 19/05/2018 11:29

I would suggest that them coming is actually more work for you. Tell them no dogs or not to come.

Original poster
Ashedload · 19/05/2018 17:25

Thanks for the responses. Think I will need to just pull up my big girl pants and have the conversation.

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 20/05/2018 04:14

I feel stressed just reading this. WTH thinks it's okay to take five or six(!!) dogs with them to another person's house??

I wouldn't be asking, I'd be telling, them not to bring any of the dogs at all. Ever. If that meant they wouldn't come to visit their new grandchild, then that would tell me everything I needed to know about that relationship.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 20/05/2018 04:24

I love dogs but that sounds awful.

I always fully expect to have to leave my dog with someone else if I’m going somewhere where he can’t go/someone’s house where there is a baby/someone who doesn’t like dogs.

He’s pretty calm and well-trained too and will just lie by my feet but I get that not everyone loves dogs.

Sounds like they need some serious training. I wouldn’t be making allowances for that many dogs.

YANBU

Original poster
Ashedload · 20/05/2018 09:58

Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs. We have one ourself who I am very strict with due to the toddler. He is absolutely not allowed to be snappy or grabby, he is calm and gentle with her and still we watch him like hawks, making sure his behaviour is good as well as he’s clean and calm. He’s a brilliant dog and we still don’t trust him 100% as you never know what could happen - the same as we’d be with any dogs I think. We just think that him, plus 2 babies, then 5 or 6 dogs on top is going to spell nightmare. Not to mention we have a small house and there will already be 4 adults, 1 teenager and 2 babies!

OP posts:
lhastingsmua · 20/05/2018 14:11

Your parents are ridiculous for thinking they can take FIVE dogs over when visiting you. Even if they’re small breeds, it just sounds ‘yappy’ and chaotic.

I would cancel the visit

Urubu · 20/05/2018 16:20

not to bring the dogs and if that means they can’t come, then they can’t come
This
Or maybe as if only your DM could come and your DD could stay home with the dogs?

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