Gentle words required please

[MrsCrabbyTree]

I need to tell my housemate to please not use my crocheted blanket and sheepskin rug. Sometimes I am too direct and blunt even though I don't mean to be, especially when dealing with issues close to my heart.

Please please please don't suggest that anyone should be allowed to use the above items, that is not my AIBU. They are personal, like a coat or shoes left at the front door in my opinion.

The following are other reasons -

1. Both the blanket and sheepskin are hand wash. An annoying and time consuming chore and in the winter take a long time to dry.

1. Housemate and boyfriend are smokers and drinkers. That not a problem as such, but I don't want their lingering odour near my face when I use my blanket. (You can smell they have been in a room after they leave it, so yes I believe smells will linger on fabric.)

1. The blanket was crocheted by my Mum who has passed away. It is very sentimental and of course is irreplaceable. I have not mentioned this to housemate as I never thought I needed to, being as I thought obvious, a personal use item.

1. OK, you can call me unreasonable for this one. The sheepskin belongs to my cat. a) if it starts smelling like housemate and her BF cat will probably not use it. b) cat is timid and shy and the sheepskin is a bit of a security blanket/place for her. c) I want my cat to sit on the sheepskin so the lounge chair doesn't smell like cat.

Any tactful and kindly worded suggestions to say "don't fucking use my blanket" will be much appreciated.

Could you move the crochet blanket out of shared areas? I know it might not be ideal but if it’s really precious to you maybe keep it in your bedroom?

How about: Please don't use my crochet blanket - it was a gift from my late mum and so VERY precious to me. Plus you might not want to use my cat's sheepskin either.

Keep them in your own locked room. If she asks why explain they are highly sentimental and irreplaceable and you don't want them lost/ damaged etc.

Stop leaving them anywhere other than in your room. No need to even have the discussion then. I really don't think you need to justify taking personal things away.

Agree with shouty, can the blanket stay in your room unless you're actually using it?

The sheepskin is more tricky if it lives in the sitting room for the cat. In what way is the housemate using it? I would try being quite blunt actually - no need to be rude but when you see her using it just say 'I'd really rather you didn't use that because it's meant for the cat and she can be a bit funny about things'. Unless your flatmate is a monster she should be happy to comply!

Well, depends on where these things are kept, I think.

You could buy her a nice throw or fleece blanket for her use, then when you give it to her, say something like “My Mum crocheted the other blanket and it’s a bit delicate so I thought it’d be nice if we had our own throws to snuggle up under”.

The sheepskin rug though - if it’s in the middle of the room, what do you mean by not wanting them to use it? You don’t want them to tread on it? Or not lie down on it?

I mean, if it’s something your cat likes and is a safe space, then it’s probably not a great idea to leave it in a high traffic or prominent place. Again, maybe move the sheepskin to the side or into your room, then get another rug that you’re not going to be worried about.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable by not wanting people to use your stuff but, on the flip side, you need to make certain accommodations otherwise asking them not to tread on a rug in the middle of a living room, for example, wouldn’t be very reasonable.

Are they taking the crochet blanket from your room or do you have it out in the living room? If it is out then put it in your room and only being it out when you want to use it.

I would personally tell them - 'could you not use that blanket it was a gift from my Mum' - that's your reason and it's a perfectly valid one.

As for the cat blanket - tell them it is to protect furniture from your cat andis her security blanket and if it smell like other people she'll start scratchingthe furniture/ weeing in their bed/ some other anxious behaviour.

Also you could try sticking another blanket out that they can use - sounds as if they are being lazy and just taking your blanket because it is near at hand.

Ask them please not to use the crochet blanket as it has a lot of sentimental value and is delicate.

Advice her not to use the Sheepskin as it gives your cat continence issues if she gets nervous and you’ll have a house full of cat piss. That should work.

I’d buy a couple of old throws or baby blankets from a charity shop and leave them available too.

Are you keeping these things in shared space? It does seem odd that she feels free to use them really. You need to keep them in your own room. YANBU. Also you don’t have to justify keeping your things private. They’re yours. The reasons are irrelevant. You have every right. Don’t demean your own needs and rights.

The sheepskin rug is small only about the size of 2 dining chairs. It is left on the end of a 'L" shaped chair where no-one sits as you can view the TV from there. Also, cats sit where they wanna sit, along the lines of Sheldon from TBBT.

I could leave the blanket in my bedroom, but it would be a pain in the butt and my preference is to leave it over the arm of my chair. My chair being the most uncomfortable thing going but back sore back and hip seem to like it, even if my bum doesn't.

Sorry to drip feed. Should have added this in original OP.

There was a second blanket but housemate took it into her bedroom the week-end before last and has not put it back into the lounge room. (Getting old, I had forgotten she did this.)

Gathering from conversations we've had housemate spends little money and prefers to own only the basics. I will not consider buying another blanket for her use.

As I type I am feeling the need, even more so, to make it clear that some things and not communal and if you 'borrow' something from a communal area that it should be return to it's communal home within a short time frame.

You’re massively overcomplicating this.

To be honest I dont think you can make the point as succinctly as you can with “don’t use my fucking blanket” which is what I’d say, however I agree with PP if you are leaving it in communal areas then she will assume it’s ok to use.

Probably, that's why I am asking Haudy.

A pain the butt to put the blanket in your room? Really? You've been given a simple solution but it's not good enough. If that doesn't work for you then you need to ask her to stop using your blanket.

Honestly, you can get blankets for 50p in charity shops. Buy a couple and knock it off your half of the rent if you want.

Here she comes!

No tiara!

Wowfudge for god's sake, that's why I posted, to ask for words to nicely say I don't want my blanket being used without coming across as a rude bitch.

Just keep the blanket in your room. It's really not that much of a pain in the butt if it means a lot to you. Must say this all sounds very territorial with the 'my chair' and having to leave that end of the other chair for your cat. It doesn't make sense that you say 'no one sits there' when people must be sitting there or how else would they be using your rug? How does anyone choose to use a rug anyway? If it's there, they walk or sit on it. They shouldn't have to avoid that zone. If you want a cat-dedicated space, get a cat basket. If your cat goes off using the rug cos other people have sat on it, what's the big deal? The cat will sit elsewhere.

So I'd chill about the rug and keep the blanket in your room. Sorted. I mean, sure you can say - 'please don't use my blanket, my mum made it', but beyond that it's going to sound unreasonable. I can't really imagine anyone being that wild about using someone else's crocheted blanket so sure it's unthinking rather than anything worth making a deal of.

If the blanket is that precious to you, it should not be kept in a common area. Honestly, this is not complicated.

You need to keep it in your room. You can't leave things in a communal area and expect people not to use them.

Is it your house or do you both rent? If the latter then you really need to just move the items to your room.

Your being lazy as hell op. Keep your blanket in your room and take it in & out of the sitting room as and when you want to use it.

As for your rug, if it's on the floor of a communal room then they have every right to walk on it. You can't expect people to avoid walking on a certain part of the floor just because you put your rug there.

Keep personal items in your room if they're that precious to you.

Items will be touched or used or sat on if they are kept in communal areas.