to feel pissed off and resentful about my job?

[LouiseCheese123]

Just over a year ago I accepted a counter-offer to stay at my current company. I accepted on the the basis that I'd get to spend 30% of my time on a new project that would eventually become a full-time role in 1-2 years. In the meantime I'd still spend 70% of time on my existing role.

However since then, the 70% role has become really pressured and has become a 100% role again. The 30% role has also grown and become a 50% role. So basically I’m working a lot, and I’m starting to feel pissed off and resentful.

My direct boss only cares about the 70% role (the project work isn’t his remit) and is not remotely supportive. I mentioned that I was working long hours and his response was ‘I don’t ask you to do that, it’s your choice’.

My boss’s boss, who manages the 30% project, is understanding and would be ok with me keeping the project as 30% role, or even dropping to 20%. However, the less I do of that, the less value they will be able to see in it becoming a 100% role and the longer it will take.

I don’t know how to manage this, and feel really stuck. All of the options I can think of have drawbacks:

a) Continue working all hours, be stoical about it, keep both bosses happy and hope it eventually pays off.

b) Set out clear time limits for each role, e.g. Monday to Thursday lunch is role 1, after that is project work (not totally practical because both need quick responses when something comes up).

c) Do a half-assed job somewhere along the line / subtly drop the parts of the job that I think are less important (tried doing this overtly - didn't work. I just got "It's all important and has to be done!")

d) Raise it with my direct boss and ask for his support/input (could go very wrong – and I’d have to be very careful it didn’t come across remotely moan-ish because that’s when he shuts down and becomes totally unsupportive)

e) Leave! Admit I've looked into it but I actually really like my job, my colleagues and the location, and there aren't many jobs like the project role going - so It'd probably be a sideways move.

Anyone got a silver bullet? I don’t mind hard work but I also want my life back!

Thanks.

If they don't see the value of the 30% role at this point then I would question them ever seeing it.

I would consider telling them that it's time to up the 30% to 100 or you will need to ditch it completely in favour of the 70%.

It seems they've got you by the balls only because you want the 30% role to be more than it is or perhaps ever will be.

Honestly I don't think you will get the future you hope.

The boss of your 70% role gives zero shits about your 30%. It sounds like he's still expecting 100% from you regardless. It also seems like he is totally unwilling to compromise on this.

With regards to the 30% job I don't think you will get far with it. If that job is overseen by the boss of the 70% job then he could pull rank on the 70% boss and force him to allow you the time promised for the 30% job. Instead he just suggests it goes down to 20% or stays the same. It doesn't read like he's prepared to fight your corner to give you the time to do it.

Bearing this in mind I can't see that they will ever let you do the 30% job full time. Sorry but I think you've been given platitudes so you'd stay but I don't think they will pan out.

How long have you been doing both jobs?

Was any of this counter offer set in writing?

Leave. My DH stayed in a role after he was going to leave but was promised more money, better opportunities etc to stay. Of course none of it transpired. He left shortly afterwards into a much better role than the one he was originally going to leave for.

I think they've just said what they thought you wanted to hear at the time to get you to stay. There was obviously a reason to want to leave in the first place and frankly it sounds like things haven't moved on since then.

Do you have formal objectives where things get written down and signed off? If so, could you build from that (with timescales)?

Failing that, can you delegate any parts of the 70% job?

If you ideally want the 30% part to become 100%, firstly you will absolutely show you can do it, and secondly you will ultimately have to give up or substantially reduce the 70% part.

Managing your manager sounds like a key part of the success of this (it sounds like you know this from your op)!

Once you ask to leave a job, you should leave. Counter offers never really work - as you can see here.

Having two bosses never works either.

Yup, I was very very skeptical about the counter-offer too and never thought I'd take one. However the job I was offered was a longer commute and potentially less stable, so in the end I was prepared to risk it even if the 30% thing didn't work out.

I've been doing both jobs since Jan 2017. The timeline for the 30% job becoming full time was 1-2 years. There was nothing in writing and it was always contingent on us winning enough business to justify it, so it was a punt I took. The soonest it could happen based on our current funding pipeline is September.

Re delegating bits of it, I have tried! There is an assistant in the team who takes on some of the admin bits and another colleague who wants to get more involved in my team's stuff as part of her development, however my boss won't let me delegate responsibility to her, only tasks - and after the planning, explanation and management of each task, often I'd have been better off doing it myself.

My boss is a funny one; we get on well enough most of the time, but he is under a lot of pressure from above too (which he is exerting downwards) and he has his own frustrations running the department with limited resource. And this comes out all the more when he's faced with someone who wants to drop stuff.

I should also say that the 70% job makes us money and the 30% job doesn't. So in the short term, both boss and boss's boss will have a tendency to prioritise that.

It seems like this job have evolved into a 100% existing role, which both bosses want you to prioritise. To stay in this job, you have to prioritise the existing role and possibly, for your own sanity and work life balance, let the 30% role slide. Will you be happy to do that?

I once was made an offer I couldn't refuse: I later realised that I should have refused it. After that I made a rule for myself: if anyone makes you an offer you can't refuse, it's because they need you more than you need them; so run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

I'm currently in a role that's made up of 2 distinct areas of responsibility. Both have grown and I've had to take on bits of jobs from 2 other people's jobs as well (due to them resigning). So I can empathise with your situation.

It's a bit of a conundrum, but I honestly would recommend you researching the job market again.

Sadly it would seem that the company simply doesn't have the resources to free your time from the job that makes them money so you can do something that may earn them money in the future. While YANBU to be annoyed with the situation it is likely that the bosses have to prioritise the 70% job as that is what keeps the business afloat so they are NBU to insist that you focus mainly on that role.

Leave. They’re clearly taking advantage and will continue to do so unless you walk.

Start looking for a new job.
Even a sideways move would be better than what you are doing right now.

I hate my job, but then surprised myself by finding a better one. I took great pleasure in handing in my resignation.
I leave in 7 weeks. Thank god.

As a rule of thumb never accept a counter-offer, always leave for the new job. I’d count it as a lesson learned and hand in my notice.

Can you set up a meeting with both bosses to go through how you all see it working and see if the three of you can come up with any solutions together eg moving some people around to help you a bit more. Then back up everything agreed in writing. Hopefully if boss 2 is there as well then boss 1 won't dismiss the 30pc project work as unimportant

My daughter was in exactly this position. The 70% bit entailed her working until past midnight on occasion to meet deadlines which were prioritised over her new role. She ended up moving. It was a shame as left a sour taste after a company she had worked for for almost a decade ended up treating her like that. She really felt her health was suffering and doesn’t regret leaving at all.

I've recently left a position in a sideways step which is looking as if it actually going to end up being a forward one. I say that employers never will change unless if benefits them financially so you'll probably end up working on the 70% role longer than you want. If you prefer the type of work the 30% role is would you be able to look for new work in that area now that you have experience?

Working long hours can be detrimental to health. In your shoes I would immediatelystate you were dropping the “30%” project due to lack of resources, and look to change employers.

It’s really rubbish when you’re on two things.

At the minute I’m split between two projects allegedly 50/50. Thing is as I’m 4 days a week that should equate to about 12 hrs each per week once I’ve factored in team meetings.

Basically i end up giving about 95% of my time to one project and hope that nothing goes wrong with the other. When it does i have to work extra hours to sort it out.

In your shoes I’d be tempted to cut my losses on the 30% bit unless you genuinely think things will change come September once it’s generating income. If not give it up and get your workload back to a reasonable amount so you can use your energy to apply for a new job.

Was any of this counter offer set in writing?

Agree you need to set up a meeting with both bosses.

The messages from you should be: 'This is what was agreed, it has not materialised. I cannot keep working at this pace indefinitely. I do not want to leave, BUT I WILL if nothing changes. Here are my recommendations (insert your business case here) I look forward to hearing your decision.'

You're being honest, assertive and professional with that approach imo. (If you think they'll make things difficult for you rather than move heaven and earth to keep you then perhaps don't mention leaving.)

I would be inclined to not mention leaving unless OP already has another offer in the wings. Everyone in that meeting knows the 'leaving'/'resign' word is hanging in the air and the logical next step because OP has resigned before. It would sound too much of a veiled threat and bosses don't like guns held to their head.

I don't think a second buy back is a good idea on either side. Best for OP to start looking anyway.

Hmm, you've mostly all said what I feared - that it will never happen. However reading the responses has made me realise that I'm choosing my situation to an extent, because I'm not prepared to leave (yet) and I'm not prepared to drop the 30% job. Main reasons I'm still holding out are:

1. They haven't broken any promises yet. They told me the 30% job would only be 100% when we won enough business and that that would probably be in 1-2 years. I know what that figure is and we're not there yet.

1. Leaving would mean giving up on the 30% job, and that's the direction I want to go in (there are only 5-6 posts of this type in my city, and none are vacant). Similarly, if I gave up the 30% job at my company I may have a better WL balance, but I'd still feel rubbish - just for different reasons!

Still, I think discussing a transition plan so I'll talk to boss's boss (talking detail will at least help me gauge how she feels about this actually happening), and I'll set myself a deadline to start looking after Christmas if nothing has happened. That'll be 2 years.

In the meantime what I'd really like is for my boss to genuinely understand how much I have on, without it sounding like a moan, and to be more understanding. When I've mentioned it before I've probably not done so in the most productive way as I'm exhausted, and it's usually a knee-jerk response to him giving me yet another thing to do. Has anyone got any experience of having this conversation and it going well?

And if anyone has tips on how to reduce your workload/prioritise better. be more efficient then please bring 'em on. I don't think I'm inefficient at all but it's always possible to do better!

Is the 30% job actually a viable prospect though?

You can’t make more hours in the day. Only you know how many you can work without it affecting your health and wellbeing.

Loopytiles - yes I think so. We could have the funding to do it by September, looking at the order book. They've been open about how much we would need to make it work, and if they go back on their word after that then I'll be off like a shot. I might be deluding myself but as I say they haven't broken any promises yet.

I have had a good think about it this weekend and as well as lining things up more clearly with boss's boss, I'm going to really try hard to find ways of making the 70% job actually take 70% of my time. It'll probably involve a combination of doing things less well (unfortunately I have perfectionist tendencies), completely dropping things that are less important to the boss, while keeping all the real effort for the things I know are most important.